I Found My Heart in San Francisco

Book 1: Awakenings

By: S X Meagher

Disclaimers: See Chapter 1

Feedback: I'm consumed by self-criticism; therefore only positive feedback will be read. If you enjoyed the story please stroke my fragile ego, if not, flush it from your memory bank and move on. You can email me at sx_meagher@mindspring.com

Chapter 15

On the next Friday night Ryan pulled Martin's truck up a fire road on Mt. Tam and parked. She and Jamie hopped out and began to unload their mountain bikes. Jamie had to admit to a little apprehension about this ride. A group of women met every Friday to ride and she had heard that the rides were pretty intense. But she had been riding her mountain bike around Berkeley for months now and felt pretty comfortable with it.

In February Ryan had spent long hours showing her how to shift her weight to climb curbs and small rocks and tree stumps. She had spent quite some time learning how to position herself in the saddle to go down a steep incline and was beginning to feel pretty confident. But she knew she was a rank amateur compared to these women.

Since it still got dark early they each had halogen lamps on their bikes. As an extra precaution Ryan had insisted that she wear a light on her helmet also. She wore long bike pants, heavy, off road bike shoes and a light nylon jacket over her jersey. Ryan had on similar attire plus a pair of clear polycarbonate wraparound glasses. When Jamie had inquired about their purpose Ryan had mysteriously answered, "mud."

Jamie left it at that, figuring she would find out soon enough.

Ryan's bike was a serious off road machine. She had switched tires on the bike, opting for a very aggressive tread pattern, just made for dirt. She greeted several other women as they drove up in their trucks, jeeps and sport utility vehicles. When they were a group of about 20 they took off. It was a fairly normal ride until they reached a small peak. Ryan turned around and said, "Don't follow me," with a wild grin on her face. She and another woman took off, pedaling furiously until they stood on the top of a set of very large boulders. Each rock was at least 20 feet tall, and they sat atop one another to form an outcropping almost 100 feet high.

When they reached the peak she and her partner gave each other demonic smiles just as Jamie wondered what on earth she was going to do. She found out a split second later as Ryan hurled her bike straight down the rock face. Jamie was too shocked to scream or she surely would have done so. Ryan and her friend catapulted down the sheer face at incredible speeds. They crossed paths as they came down in a zig zag pattern, much the way a skier descends a steep slope.

When they reached the bottom Ryan threw her head back and howled like a wild dog. She slapped hands in the air with her friend and as they rode back to the group they were laughing uproariously. When Ryan pulled up next to Jamie she smiled an enormous grin and proclaimed, "Sweet Jesus, that rocked!"

Jamie caught her infectious happiness as they sped along down the trail. They came to a small rocky creek that still had a decent amount of water flowing after the winter rains. The descent at this point was not too steep, but some of the rocks were rather large. Another woman came up to Ryan and slapped her hard on the butt. "Tag!" she shouted as she pedaled away right down the middle of the creek.

Within a heartbeat Ryan was on her tail. The creek curved down the mountain in such a way that it was possible to stand at the top and see the path of the water for a good 1/2 mile. Jamie scrambled over to the edge to watch the pursuit. Ryan flew down the hill, seemingly with no regard for her safety. Jamie's heart nearly stopped beating when Ryan slipped dangerously at one point, but her incredible athleticism kept her from flying over the handlebars. She caught her assailant near the bottom of the creek, slapping her equally hard on the butt as she yanked her bike 180 degrees and began to climb back up the creek bed. The woman tried to keep up but Ryan had a good 10 yards on her by the time they reached the top of the hill.

Jamie was shocked when she saw her. She was dripping wet from heat to toe. Mud covered her legs and ran halfway up her back. But she wore the most blissful smile that Jamie had ever seen on a human being. "I won," she said proudly.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The rest of the ride was a bit more sedate. Since it was now fully dark they stayed on the trail, although the dust from the dry earth stuck to Ryan's wet body like glue. The ride was entirely uphill and by the time they made it back to the car they were all sweating heavily. Jamie had never felt so grimy, but she could only imagine how Ryan felt.

One of the riders called Ryan over and Jamie surreptitiously watched them speak. Jamie wasn't sure which of the riders this was since it was so dark. But as some of the other cars turned their headlights on the pair was illuminated for a few seconds. The woman was a particularly striking Latina that Jamie had noticed immediately upon their arrival. She was very dark skinned, and had gorgeous jet black hair that went half way down her back. She had put it into a loose braid for the ride but she had shaken it loose while they spoke and it now framed her beautiful face. They were obviously well acquainted and they stood very close together as they spoke softly. The woman put her hand on Ryan's cheek and she turned her head slightly and kissed her palm. It was unclear what the woman was asking but Ryan was gently shaking her head 'no'. She reached into the woman's SUV and pulled out a couple of wet wipes. She quickly wiped her own face and then delicately cleaned all around the woman's mouth, trying to remove the caked on mud and dirt. When she was satisfied she leaned in for a few very friendly kisses. As she pulled away she started to turn but whirled around for another more passionate kiss. She reached up and gently touched the woman's cheek, and then she turned and crossed back over the road to the truck where Jamie waited.

Most of the women were going out for a few beers. Ryan was tempted but she finally decided that she needed dry clothes more than a cold beer. "I've got to remember to bring a change of clothes next time," she said as they pulled off down the fire road.

"Who were you speaking with?" she inquired as casually as she could muster.

"One of my friends. I should have introduced you," she said quickly.

"That's okay."

When Ryan didn't elaborate, Jamie persisted. "Are you close friends?"

"Pretty close," she said noncommittally.

Jamie couldn't take any more of this cat and mouse game so she blurted out, "Who the hell was that!?"

Ryan let out a deep laugh that rumbled through the cab of the truck. "I'm sorry, Jamie. I'm just playing with you. That was Alisa Guerra. She's an assistant district attorney in The City and I've known her for about 3 years."

"Were you an item?" she asked delicately.

"We still are," she said smoothly. "Or at least as much of an item as we ever have been. She's one of my long term buddies," she explained.

"Oh, well, I'm not stopping you from seeing her, am I? I can easily head on home if you want to go out."

"Nope. She wanted me to come over but I'm not in the mood. I'm really too tired for anything other than a warm shower and a soft bed."

"Well, I should think so," she agreed. Jamie studied her filthy form for a few minutes. Ryan still had an energized glow about her that Jamie found mesmerizing. "I don't think I've ever seen you be that wild," she finally said.

"I don't do it very often, but every once in a while I just need to blow off some steam. Riding up here is the easiest way I know to really clean out the pipes," she said happily.

"You just seem so full of joy when you're doing something crazy like that sprint down that huge hill," she said with a shake of her head. "Aren't you afraid to try something like that?"

"That's the whole point, Jamie," she replied with a confused little look on her mud spattered face. "It's the fear that makes it hot. If you knew you were safe you wouldn't get off on it."

"Get off on it..." she mused, unconvinced of the sentiment. "Do you need that kind of excitement?" she asked with a bit of concern.

"Yeah, I guess I do. I've always been an adrenaline junkie. I was just like this almost every day when I was a kid. If some other kid dared me to do something I did it, no matter the consequences."

"Is that what you mean by blowing off steam? Do your need to do this kind of thing or it just builds up until you can release it?" she inquired.

"Yeah, I guess it does. I've never thought of it in quite than fashion, but that's a good analogy. If I don't have some excitement in my life I get kind of anxious and I have to find an outlet," she admitted. "It's almost like a sexual release. As a matter of fact this is the first time I've been on a ride that I didn't go home with Alisa. We don't see each other a lot but we both get kind of hot after a really good ride."

"Do you think your need for excitement is why you like to um...date lots of different women?" she asked, just a bit afraid of the answer.

"I guess that is part of it. I get bored easily and I need to have a different kind of stimulation, if you'll excuse the double entendre," she grinned.

"Do I ever bore you?" she asked hesitantly.

Ryan pulled the car over to the side of the road. She turned fully in the big bench seat and looked directly into Jamie's eyes. "Never," she said firmly. "I don't know what it is about you, Jamie, but every time I'm with you it feels fresh. Sara was the only other person I've ever felt that way about. It's funny but I was with Ally for a few days a couple of weeks ago. She is the most amazing lover," she said appreciatively. "I mean truly amazing," she repeated just in case Jamie missed it the first time. "But after being with her for 3 days in one week I had enough. It's not that I don't like her; I really do. And she is so totally hot in bed!"

"You mentioned that," Jamie said dryly.

"Oh, right," she said with a smirk. "Anyway, I was thinking about that since I had just broken up with Tracy. I thought, 'Maybe I could make it work with Ally'. Conor had just given me this big talk about how he thought I should date a friend rather than a stranger and I mulled that over when we were together. But I had just seen enough of her after those 3 days." She turned again to fully face Jamie. "That has never happened with you. Never. Other than my family, you're the only person I don't get tired of."

Jamie was outrageously pleased to hear this information. She gave her friend a luminous smile and simply patted her leg as she said, "I've never gotten bored with you around either, you wild woman."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

When they arrived home Martin came out to the front porch to greet them. He laughed at the sight of Ryan and told Jamie, "She's just lucky you're here, Jamie. I used to take her out in the back yard and hit her with the garden hose to clean her off before I'd let her in the house."

After a short lecture about contracting pneumonia Martin ordered them to enter the house through the door next to the garage to avoid tracking mud through the living room. Jamie was so exhausted that she gladly accepted Ryan's invitation to sleep over. After two long showers they relaxed on the bed. "Thanks for showing me your wild child, Ryan."

"Anytime, Jamie, anytime."

As they settled down Jamie heard a sharp grunt as Ryan rolled onto her side. "What's wrong?" she asked with concern.

"When I was going down that creek I almost lost it," she admitted. "I yanked it out at the last second, but I felt something pop in my leg. It just pulls a little when I roll over."

"Let me see," she demanded as she switched the bedside light on. Ryan was wearing thin Royal Stewart plaid flannel pajama bottoms and a dark blue T-shirt. Turning her face to gaze at her friend for a moment she gently demurred.

"I think it'll be okay, you don't have to do anything."

Jamie leaned over just a bit until she was able to face Ryan fully. She placed her hand on her shoulder and asked, "Why won't you let me help if I can? You're always so solicitous of me, and I've got to tell you, it feels great to be pampered a little."

"I know it does," she admitted as she obviously found it difficult to maintain eye contact. "It's just that you might be uncomfortable with the location of the problem." She quirked her mouth into a lopsided grin and rolled her big blue eyes just a bit when Jamie looked a little stumped.

Ryan was lying on her side facing her friend, who was lying in a mirrored position. She reached over and gently took her hand, bringing it behind herself and placing it on the abrupt swell of her right buttock. "It's my hamstring," she needlessly informed her. "And it's really high, almost in my glute."

Smacking her lips together to increase the flow of saliva the smaller woman took a deep breath and found the courage to say, "The offer still holds, Pal. A sore muscle is a sore muscle, no matter where it is. If it would help I'd be glad to work on it for you."

With a dubious tilt of her head Ryan decided to take her friend at her word. She rolled over in the other direction until she was fully on her belly, arms stretched out above her head. "It's right around here," she said, indicating the general area.

She was terribly grateful that Ryan could not see her face, but she sucked it up and allowed her hand to explore the area. As she probed gently she heard a sharp intake of air pass through Ryan's lips as she touched the spot. "Does it hurt a lot?" she asked as she gingerly touched the swollen muscle.

"It's just tweaked a bit. I'm sure it's nothing serious," she assured her. "Start a few inches below the swelling and slowly work up to actually touching the tweaked muscle."

"Okay, I can do that," Jamie replied firmly as she tried to figure out how to position herself. Making a quick decision she patted Ryan's left leg to indicate she wished her to move it away from her right. Once she did that Jamie was able to straddle the injured leg and work on the hamstring with a pretty good position. The pants were going to be an impediment but Ryan made no move to remove them to Jamie's concurrent relief and disappointment. So she did her best despite the obstacles.

She decided to draw an imaginary circle around the injury and attack it from all sides before actually touching the sore spot. Regrettably, this called for a large amount of actually rubbing her friend's smoothly muscled buttock. But she had made the offer and she felt obligated to perform the task without allowing herself to become sexually excited.

Working as gently as possible she began to knead all around the injury, never drawing closer to the actual spot. Her plan was to sneak up on it after relaxing all of the surrounding muscles. And her plan would have worked if the muscle was right on the surface. But it was not only high on Ryan's leg...it was deep. In order to reach the surrounding muscles she had to exert a lot of pressure and after a few minutes Ryan mumbled, "You're rubbing my skin raw." She lifted up onto her elbows and reassured Jamie once again, "It's okay, Pal. It's just a tough one to reach."

"We can do this," Jamie insisted as she placed a hand on the small of Ryan's back to hold her in place. "Lotion would help," she suggested after she gave the issue some thought. But when she thought of how the lotion would have to be applied she began to regret her idea.

Ryan seemingly sensed her hesitation and she turned her head to gaze at her friend for a moment. "You sure?" she asked again.

Now feeling trapped Jamie felt her head move slowly up and down. But it was obvious to Ryan that she was struggling with the concept. But all at once the dark head bobbed up and down briefly as she scrambled off the bed. "I think an equipment change is in order." She was standing in front of her underwear drawer as she made this declaration. After rummaging through the neat stacks for a moment she found what she was looking for as she held out a tiny black piece of material. "Better access," she grinned as she went into the bathroom to change.

Jamie could feel her heart thumping through her chest so audibly that she feared Ryan could hear it in the bath. Please God, don't let that be a thong! But alas her prayers were not answered. When Ryan emerged revealing a high cut black thong in a satiny material she could feel every bit of moisture leave her mouth and travel straight down to her groin. The look of terror mixed with lust must have been evident for Ryan stopped in her tracks and asked, "Is this okay? Um...It's all right if you don't want to do this, Jamie."

"NO! No, really," she insisted. "I uhh just didn't want to get anything on those," she fumbled. "They look really...uhh...nice."

"Oh," Ryan said as she looked down at herself. "Thanks. I never wear them for long," she laughed. "They're more of a prop than anything."

"A prop?"

"Yeah," she said with a chuckle. "My friend Ally likes things like this. Although she never lets me leave them on for long." Ryan found this fact quite humorous but Jamie could not loosen up enough to find humor in anything right then. She needed every bit of her strength and concentration just to stop her hands from shaking.

Ryan climbed back onto the bed, once again face down. This position did nothing, however, to alleviate Jamie's discomfort. She hadn't realized it until just that moment but she discovered with a gut clenching jolt that she was inordinately fond of Ryan's butt. Ryan's rounded, incredibly firm, finely muscled, smooth, creamy white butt, that is. And to have that perfectly shaped derriere placed right in front of her eyes for her shaking hands to massage was too much for her racing heart.

She nearly stumbled as she got to her feet but she managed to right herself as she declared, "That ride really dehydrated me. I'm going upstairs for a drink. Need anything?" One foot was on the lowest step by the time Ryan could reply but she managed to respond, "Uhh sure, a little water or Gatorade would be good. You sure you don't want me to go?"

"No, no, I know my way around," she assured her as she scampered up the stairs. Luckily she was modestly dressed in the roomy top to Ryan's pajama bottoms along with her own panties because she ran into Conor sitting on a stool in the kitchen, reading the paper.

"Hello there," he rumbled, looking her up and down briefly. "Nice outfit by the way," he added with a twinkle in his bright blue eyes. "You should wear that type of thing more often."

"Thanks," she blushed, suddenly feeling very exposed even though the top covered her body almost to her knees. "It's your sisters," she explained needlessly. "We went on a big bike ride up on Mt. Tam and I was too tired and dirty to go home."

"Ohh, riding with the big girls, are you?" he chuckled.

"Yeah, and I did pretty well, if I do say so myself. Of course, I could never keep up with Ryan. She's amazing." She walked over to the refrigerator and peeked at the contents. "What are you doing down here?"

"Oh, I had a long meeting with some thick headed clients. Ruined my whole evening. So I thought I'd at least have a beer and read the paper before I went to bed."

She turned and eyed his dark creamy looking beer in the very large glass. "What is that? It looks delicious."

"Murphy's stout," he proclaimed as he held the glass out. "Have a sip."

All of a sudden the thought of alcohol was very, very attractive. She reached for the heavy glass and took a long gulp. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand she pronounced, "Now that's a beer!"

"Have one with me," he urged. "Ryan won't miss you."

"I'd like to," she prevaricated. "But Ryan hurt her leg and I promised I'd give her a massage after I got something to drink."

"Well, if you had a wee one with me you would be getting something to drink," he said in his most seductive voice.

"You know, a little alcohol might make her leg relax. Would you pour one for us to share?"

"Geez," he grumbled as he got to his feet and retrieved another pint glass from the cabinet. "Even the straight girls won't give me a chance!"

Jamie read his teasing as just that and as he finished pouring the big can into the heavy glass she stood on her tip toes and kissed him on the cheek. "You're irresistible and you know it, Conor O'Flaherty."

He graced her with a big smile and a gentle one-armed hug as he handed her the glass. "Go take care of your patient," he ordered. But as she started from the room he asked, "She's not hurt badly, is she?"

Looking over her shoulder she gave him a grin and reminded him, "It takes more than old Mt. Tam to get the best of your little sister."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

She was a good bit more relaxed as she made the turn to descend the stairs but just for good measure she slugged down at least º of the pint on the short trip. Ryan was just where she had left her, lying on her tummy with her arms extended. She was obviously very relaxed, but Jamie could still see the muscular tension in her powerful thighs and butt. "Where've you been? I was about to come looking for you."

"Oh, Conor was upstairs and he talked me into having a short one with him," she said airily. "I brought a pint down for us to share. I thought a little alcohol might help relax your leg."

"Hmm," she speculated as she rolled onto her side and supported her head with her hand. "That might be the key to increasing my massage business. 'Have a pint and a rub'."

"I think they already have that in The Tenderloin," she scoffed, mentioning the city's notorious 'sin district'.

Ryan held out her free hand and grasped the glass, giving first it, then Jamie a speculative look. But she did not comment further about the large missing portion, easily matching the amount Jamie had siphoned off with one enthusiastic gulp. "Ahh, that's smooth," she murmured.

Jamie got up on the bed and took another hearty swallow. They passed the glass back and forth, drinking quickly and in silence, until it was drained. "I guess we were thirsty," Jamie observed as she eyed the empty glass. "Care for another?"

But Ryan gently shook her head. "I'll be pissed if I have more on an empty stomach."

"Angry?"

"No, pissed," she explained. "One of the many, many terms the Irish use for inebriation." She rolled over onto her belly and turned her head to maintain eye contact. "Still interested?" she asked with one raised eyebrow.

"Yep," Jamie bravely agreed as she resumed her former position. The stout had helped a bit, she was pleased to note, and her hands were hardly shaking as she poured a generous amount of massage lotion onto them. She delicately began to implement her former plan, again working around the perimeter of the obviously swollen muscle. Once again Ryan relaxed into the touch, controlling her breathing with deep, steady breaths, evidently to control the pain.

Jamie imagined that the distended muscle must be terribly painful but Ryan stoically allowed her to work, never even flinching at her touch.

As she got into her work she carelessly allowed her mind to wander, a very bad decision as it turns out. She allowed herself to actually realize that she was straddling her friend's firm thigh with only her satiny panties between them. And the movement that she needed to press deep into the muscle caused that firm thigh to rub in a most delicious fashion against her throbbing vulva. At this point her only option was to distract herself. She tried everything. She thought of car crashes, world hunger, tornadoes, and pestilence. Nothing helped. She was only able to carry on by trying one of Ryan's tricks. She focused her mind totally on Ryan's leg. She rubbed, kneaded, stroked, tapped, fondled and petted that sinewy muscle all the way to the middle of her buttock. She had never been so focused on any task.

When she had done as much as she could for the injured muscle she spent a few minutes working on its twin. Small, satisfied grunts greeted her touch but she was so focused that she did not need feedback. When both hamstrings were loose she slid off and instructed, "Roll over for me." Ryan did not question her plan, meekly complying with the edict. She began to work on the stressed quads, making both legs as pliable as possible. After a very long time of very loving connection she realized that she had not heard a sound out of Ryan for a long while. She abruptly lifted her head and she saw it: an unguarded look of pure desire on that beautiful face.

Ryan knew from the look on Jamie's face that she had been caught. Nonetheless she tried her best to adopt a neutral expression as Jamie slid off her leg and lay down next to her. Without allowing herself to form a conscious thought Jamie placed her hand on Ryan's soft cheek and turned her head until they were breathing the same charged air. As though guided by a magnetic force she dipped her head and closed her eyes as she began to place delicate kisses on her forehead, across her cheeks, her chin and even the tip of her nose. She pulled back for a moment to gather her thoughts and to her horror she saw not the desire of moments before, but wide eyed fear clouding that beautiful face. She shot bolt upright and leapt to her feet in a near panic. "Oh, God Ryan, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I thought..."

In the next instant Ryan was on her feet wrapping Jamie in a strong embrace, cooing into her ear, "It's okay Jamie, it's all right." She rubbed her back and ran a hand through her hair as she continued to reassure her shaken friend.

Jamie was crying softly against her chest. "I'm so ashamed," she whimpered. "I don't know why I did that. I promised myself I wouldn't...."

Ryan pulled back and stared at her shaking friend for a long minute, "What do you mean, you promised yourself that you wouldn't?" she asked gently.

This brought on a new flood of tears as Jamie shook from head to toe. Ryan guided her to the bed and urged her onto her side. She got in right behind her and wrapped her arms around her quivering body, murmuring comforting words the entire time. After a few minutes Jamie finally had the ability to speak. "I am so sorry Ryan. I just assumed that you might feel the same way," she murmured with her voice filled with grief.

"Is this something that you've felt before tonight?" Ryan asked softly.

"Yeah," she said shyly. "It's one of the reasons that I started seeing Anna. I was so confused about how I felt about you that I just needed to talk to someone about it. She told me I wasn't ready to act on my feelings," she said glumly. "I guess I should have listened, huh?"

Ryan turned her friend over so they were face to face. "Jamie, I want you to hear me carefully," she solemnly intoned. "You are the most desirable woman I have ever been near. If we were not such close friends you would be on the way to your third orgasm right now." She gave her a little eyebrow wiggle, "At least."

This brought a little chuckle from Jamie as Ryan continued. "You just broke up with your fiancé 4 weeks ago, and it wasn't your idea. You are under an incredible amount of stress and it's manifesting itself in physical symptoms. Anna is right, Jamie, you need some time to know what you want. To introduce sex into our relationship could destroy it and I'm not willing to take that risk," she said fiercely. She grasped Jamie's chin in her hand and stared directly into her eyes, "You are far too precious to me to risk losing you over a passing urge." Adding after a pause, "Even if it is the most tempting urge I've ever resisted."

"So, are you saying that you might be interested in me if I was sure that this was what I wanted?" she asked timidly.

"If I could make you my lover, without losing you as a friend, there isn't a doubt in my mind," Ryan said decisively as she gently kissed her forehead.

"So what do we do now?" Jamie asked, afraid that the revelation alone might affect their friendship.

"We stay just like we are," she soothed, gently stroking her face. "You continue on in therapy. You take as long as you need to figure out what you want. When you make up your mind, you just let me know. If you want me, I'll be waiting for you. But if you don't, I want you to feel like you can tell me. I want what's best for you, Jamie. If you're a lesbian I'd love to build a relationship with you. But if you're not, I want to be your best friend for as long as you can stand me," she said with a twinkle in her vivid blue eyes.

"You'd really be okay if I told you that I was straight?" she asked tentatively.

Ryan chuckled a little at the question. "I thought you were straight 15 minutes ago, Jamie. I think I've been getting by all right."

She blushed furiously as she realized how her question had sounded. "No, that's not what I mean. I mean could we go back to how we've been? Wouldn't it change things too much once I've told you how I feel?"

"Not for me," Ryan said firmly. "I love you, Jamie," she said with a tear in her eyes. "Whether I ever express that love sexually is another issue. But no matter what, I love you. And if you are straight I want you to find a man who will love you like you deserve to be loved."

"I love you too, Ryan. Very, very much," she said as she closed her eyes and sank into a welcome hug. The hug turned into a full body cuddle and after a few minutes Jamie felt herself begin to relax fully. All of the sexual tension between them had dissipated and she felt herself drift off into a contented sleep just minutes later, relishing the feeling of being wrapped in that comforting embrace.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The following Friday afternoon Ryan returned a page between clients at the gym. "Hey, Ally," she said when her friend answered.

"Do you have my phone number memorized?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Yep. I tend to remember things that I associate with pleasure," she replied happily.

"I know this is late to ask, but would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

"Dinner?" Ryan asked, a bit surprised.

"Yes, dinner. I know that's not normally how we use our mouths but I want to talk to you about something."

"Um, yeah, I can do dinner. But I have something to talk to you about too," she admitted. "I'm not able to stay over tonight."

"That's okay, Ryan. I'm actually not calling for sex this time. I really want to talk."

"Okay, what time should I come by? I'm off work at 5."

"Just come over when you can. We'll decide where to go when you get here."

"Okay, see you then." That's weird. She sounded like she didn't want to have sex. That's a first!

* * * * * * * * * * * *

At 6:15 they were seated at a casual little place in the Castro. The restaurant was small, rather dark and very quiet. Ally was obviously a regular since she was greeted by nearly every employee. They were shown to a small table in the back of the room where they could speak in private. After they placed their orders Ally cleared her throat and started to speak. "I...ah...I want to talk a little bit about some changes I'm making," she finally got out. She looked very nervous and Ryan reached up to cover Ally's cold hand with her warm one. She gave her an encouraging look, but didn't respond verbally.

"I have decided to try to change some of my sexual um...phobias," she said as she looked down at the table. "Um I have...some...issues that I...um," she looked at Ryan helplessly as she was unable to find the words to express herself.

"It's okay, Ally," she said gently. "I know you've got some things that get in the way a little bit. Tell me as much as you want to."

"Okay," she said as she let out a breath. "I don't know why I feel so nervous talking to you about this. You obviously know I have some hang ups," she added with an embarrassed look.

"Everyone has some," Ryan reassured her.

Ally looked up at her with a quizzical glance. "Even you?"

"Yep. Most of mine don't come up when I'm with you, but I've got my share. My big issue is being in control. I normally can't let anyone be in charge...it really freaks me out if someone is too aggressive."

"Um, Ryan," she said gently. "That's exactly what I do to you."

"I know!" she laughed. "But I swear you're the only one! I'll have you know that most people think I'm a total top!"

"You!? You're the biggest bottom I've ever been with!" Ally cried as she howled with laughter.

"Hey! Keep it quiet! I've got a reputation in this town," she scolded.

Ally laughed long and hard at this revelation from her friend. But it seemed to relax her quite a bit and when she resumed her story she was much more calm. "I know you're pretty perceptive, Ryan. So I guess you've figured out that I was sexually abused."

Ryan gave her a small nod as Ally continued. "My oldest brother raped me when I was 11," she said softly. "He continued to molest me until I was 13. That's when he left home to get married," she said with a disgusted look on her face. "Anyway, there's all sorts of reasons why I couldn't go to my parents or anyone, but that's not important right now. What is important is that I'm going to try to open myself up to be with one person. And because of that, I'm not going to have casual sex any more." She looked up at Ryan and gave her a shy smile. "Even though I don't want to stop, especially with you."

Ryan gave her a luminous smile in return and squeezed her hand tightly. "I'm so glad that you're trying to feel more comfortable with yourself, Ally. I think you'd be a wonderful person to be in a relationship with. And please don't feel bad about us. I ...uh...I wanted to tell you that you were right about Jamie, my straight friend. She's not quite as straight as I thought," she said with a deep blush.

"Ah ha!" she crowed. "I knew it! So are you two an item?"

"Not really. She made an overture but I don't want to get involved until she works out some issues in therapy. She's too important to me to ruin our friendship before she's sure this is what she wants."

"Anyone in their right mind would want you, Ryan," she said sincerely. "You are one perfect little prize."

"I don't know about that," she said as she blushed again. "But thanks for the compliment."

"So do you think we could still see each other once in a while? I like you a lot, even outside of bed," she asked with a very shy smile.

"I would love that," Ryan said sincerely. "And I'm really honored that you called me to tell me this, Ally."

"Well," Ally blushed deeply. "I do like you a lot and I trust you totally, Ryan. I knew you'd be safe to talk with. But um...the other reason was that I didn't want you to call me to have sex. I feel confident about this now, but I was afraid that an invitation from you would blow my resolve to hell!"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Through an unspoken but mutual agreement they didn't speak of the details of Jamie's progress in therapy. Jamie was pleased beyond words that the incident did not seem to have an effect on their relationship. Ryan treated her exactly the same as she had before and she felt herself settle back into their old patterns as well.

What impressed Jamie the most was how honorable Ryan was about the whole episode. She loved her all the more for her fortitude in being able to rebuff her advances in order to preserve their friendship. Even if we never become lovers, I know I'll never have a better friend, she thought of her fondly.

Just as March was winding down Jamie asked her one day how she felt about baseball. "I would have to say that baseball was my first love," she reflected thoughtfully. "Conor was a big fan and since I did everything he did I became one too. How about you?" she returned the question.

"Football is a much bigger deal for me but I like baseball a lot," she replied. "How would you like to go to opening day next week?" she inquired lightly.

"Do you have tickets?" she inquired gleefully. At Jamie's sly nod she enthusiastically accepted.

Jamie did indeed have tickets. Her father was a big supporter of the group that had bought the Giants from the Stoneham family years earlier. When the team was struggling just to draw 8,000 fans he had purchased 4 sets of box seats for the law firm, and a set for himself. He didn't go to a lot of games, preferring to give the tickets to young associates and their friends. But he was always willing to let Jamie use them when she wished.

Since they had 4 seats it was obvious that they had to invite Conor, but they were not sure who the 4th should be. Martin had to work, and he would sooner die than take a day off for pleasure; Brendan wasn't much of a fan; and Rory was out of town. Jamie asked Conor if he had a friend he would like to bring. "Sure, I've got dozens of friends and cousins who would love to come," he said easily. "But it's hard to choose just one. Don't you have any great looking friends you could bring, Jamie?"

Jamie and Ryan looked at one another and laughed. "I've got one, Conor, but she's a handful," she replied teasingly.

"Bring her on Jamie. I'm up to the challenge," he said confidently.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The game was on a Tuesday afternoon. Conor was going to work in the morning and Mia needed her car for an appointment in the city so Jamie and Ryan agreed to meet them in front of Gate A at 1:00 o'clock. The day was perfect for baseball. 75 degr