I Found My Heart in San Francisco

Book 1: Awakenings

By S X Meagher

Disclaimers: See Chapter 1

Feedback: I'm consumed by self-criticism; therefore only positive feedback will be read. If you enjoyed the story please stroke my fragile ego, if not, flush it from your memory bank and move on. You can email me at sx_meagher@mindspring.com

Chapter 9

When Jamie arrived home just before 1 a.m. there was a message on her machine from Ryan. "Hi. Call me if you need to talk. It doesn't matter how late it is."

She is so sweet to me. I don't know what I've done to deserve her friendship, but I'm really happy I have it. She didn't feel the need to take Ryan up on her offer and she didn't have any intention of waking her up needlessly so she refrained from calling.

She barely made it to her 8 o'clock class. After a rather tedious class discussion she stumbled out of the classroom sleepily, bumping directly into a grinning Ryan.

"Somebody didn't have their latte' yet," she teased.

"It's that obvious isn't it?" she agreed. "I barely made it to class. Speaking of class, what are you doing here?"

"My lab was canceled so I had some free time. I thought I'd come see how you were."

"I didn't know you even knew what classes I had on Tuesday, much less where they were," she said, slightly amazed.

"Of course I know those little details," Ryan said, a bit puzzled. "Don't you know my class schedule?"

"Yeah, I guess I do," she admitted. "Is this what you meant about women being more connected than men?"

"Precisely," Ryan agreed as she guided her through the building in search of a latte'.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Jamie spent a few minutes updating Ryan on her evening with Jack. "It sounds like it went pretty well," Ryan said thoughtfully. "I've got to admit that his assumptions about me are not uncommon. Hopefully he'll realize over time that all I want from you is friendship...and lasagna," she grinned. "But he really does sound like he wants to make you happy, Jamie."

"I know he does, Ryan," she acknowledged. "I think you're advice was right on point. I need to spend more time letting him know what I need rather than expecting him to just intuit things."

"I really hope it works out for you, Jamie," she said sincerely.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

One Tuesday in early November Jamie showed up at the gym hoping to get a little cardiovascular work in. She looked around for her friend and found her in the rear corner of the gym chatting with a woman. Trying to be unobtrusive, she hopped on a Stairclimber to get warmed up. But being on the slightly elevated machine gave her an even clearer view of the action and she could not help but watch.

Ryan was leaning up against one of the chest press machines. The woman was seated on the integrated stool of the machine and she gazed up at Ryan with a very flirtatious look. Jamie was pretty sure that she was not a client and as she looked more closely she noticed that the woman was considerably older than Ryan. She's old enough to be my mother! she thought in alarm. The woman looked to be about 45 or so, but she was in great shape. She was about 5'6", very fit, with short dark hair. She looked very well taken care of, and the thought occurred to Jamie that this could be any one of her mother's friends.

Ryan had adopted a very casual pose. She had one of her long arms extended above her head to hang over the top bar of the machine. She was leaning against the bulk of it and the woman had to crane her neck to make eye contact with her. But even though her pose was casual there was that barely concealed force that just begged to be released from her body. Jamie had often seen her look completely relaxed and casual. But every time Ryan was sizing someone up she adopted this predatory posture. Jamie had to admit that it was very appealing and for one brief instant she was jealous of the seated woman. But she quickly brushed that troublesome thought from her brain as she tried to watch while appearing not to.

After a few minutes the woman tried to stand but Ryan was directly in her path. She did not budge one inch and the woman was forced to alter her path a bit. Since Ryan had a good 6 inches on her the woman still had to look up to meet her gaze, but she seemed unable to look away from Ryan's penetrating stare. They were standing terribly close to one another and Ryan was clearly not going to move. To get past her the woman placed her hands on Ryan's waist and gently guided her out of her path. Gotcha! Jamie thought. Once you touch her there's no escape!

Ryan leaned over to hear a question and when she lifted her head again she had the confident smirk that she so often wore when she was hitting on someone. She nodded her head slowly and leaned back on her heels to watch the woman make her way to the locker room. She walked over to another trainer and spoke to her for a moment or two, and then she went to the front desk and chatted with the woman on duty. She didn't look into the cardio area, so she did not see Jamie. Next she walked over to the coat hooks and picked up her leather jacket and walked out the front door with a definite swagger.

A minute or two later her prey emerged from the locker room. She left quickly and Jamie spent a moment wondering if they were meeting up in the parking lot. Knowing Ryan they don't even have to leave the lot if that woman has a big enough sports utility vehicle, she thought as a shudder rolled down her body.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Ryan stood by her bike, grinning wickedly at the woman as she exited the building. "Wanna go for a ride?" she teased in her deep rumbling voice.

"Aaah, I don't think that's such a good idea," Laura said hesitantly. "I really can't afford to be seen on the back of a motorcycle."

"Are you a spy or a fugitive from justice?" Ryan asked casually.

"Nooo, but I'm fairly well known around the East Bay, and my..."

"Husband?" Ryan supplied.

"Yes, my husband is well known too," Laura admitted. "Does that bother you?"

"It depends," Ryan replied. "Is this the first time you've..."

"Hardly," she scoffed. "We've been married for twen...a long while. We have an arrangement."

"Will this be the last time you do this?"

"Doubtful, unless you can keep me faithful to you," she purred as she moved to stand even closer.

"Doubtful," Ryan admitted with a smirk. "Any kids?"

"Yes, but not at home. They're away at ...school."

"So you would say that spending the afternoon with me will not alter your world in any significant way?"

"Well," she said, as she brushed up against the taller woman. "I hope it will. But I promise it won't have a negative impact on my life. Or that of my family."

"One last question. And please don't think I'm as full of myself as this sounds. Do you have any interest in having an ongoing relationship with me?"

The woman's eyes grew wide with surprise. She shook her head briskly and said, "Honey, my life is nearly perfect. The only thing I don't get enough of is good sex. I have no interest in losing my husband or the fragile respect of my children so if that's what you want let's stop right now," she said firmly.

"You're my kinda woman, Laura," Ryan said with a grin. "Where to?"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Laura hopped into the driver's seat of a new black Mercedes S class sedan. "Nice ride," Ryan said as she looked around.

"Thanks. I just got it a week ago. I like it pretty well but it's a little sedate, don't you think?"

"A little, but I'm sure you have other outlets for your wild side."

That earned her a little smirk and a gentle pat on the leg. "Do you prefer the Mark Hopkins or the Fairmont?" Laura asked as she got on the freeway leading back to the City.

"Never been in either, so it's your choice," Ryan said noncommittally.

Laura shot her quizzical look but continued the planning. "Okay, I'll drop you off a block away. Then you go in and get us a room. I'll pay you back of course. Then I'll meet you by the elevator. Please don't talk to me or acknowledge me in any way, though. Okay?"

Ryan looked a bit askance as she admitted, "I don't have a charge card. Can you stop at an ATM?"

"Jesus! You are over 21 aren't you?" she asked tentatively as she turned to give Ryan another appraising glance.

"Yes, I am," Ryan replied with a smile. "I'm still in school at Cal. The personal training is just part time."

"How do you manage without a charge card?" Laura asked.

"Well, I live at home, I don't have a car, I don't buy groceries, I never go on vacation, and I don't buy things over the Internet. Other than that, why would I need one?"

"Good point, I guess," she admitted, giving Ryan another quick glance. "No one's going to come looking for you if you're not home for dinner, are they?" she asked, only partly in jest. "I don't want to see your picture on the back of a milk carton."

"Nope. I don't even have a curfew," she said happily.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Laura pulled up in front of an ATM and handed Ryan her card along with her security code. Ryan gave her a small scowl but she got out and withdrew the requested $600. When she hopped back in she remarked, "It's not a terribly good idea to trust a stranger with your ATM card and your access number."

"It's only money," she said lightly. As Ryan tried to hand the card and the money over. Laura took the card but instructed Ryan to keep the money. "You don't want to look like you don't have a little extra," she advised.

Ryan had been to hotels with women, but always cheap little places when neither she nor her date could find a better place. She had also been with older women, but they were always lesbians. This was a first for her and the thought of having sex with a married woman old enough to be her mother was both titillating and a little frightening. This woman had obviously been around the block a few hundred times and Ryan was a little afraid that Laura's experience would upset Ryan's own natural dominance. And even though she was attracted to her she did not want to submit to a stranger. "So, do you usually go out with women?" she asked to flesh out the issue.

"No, not usually," she admitted. "But you just look like too much fun to pass up."

"But you have been with women before, haven't you?"

"Yes, dear, I have. Will you stop worrying? I promise I won't fall in love with you," she said with a hint of exasperation. "Why are you so careful anyway? You're not the daughter of a famous politician are you?"

"Hardly. My dad's a firefighter. I just don't like to cause trouble or hurt anyone's feelings," she said honestly.

They paused at a long red light and Laura turned to look at her closely, "You really are cute, you know." She reached over and cupped Ryan's cheek and trailed her thumb across her lips. "Why is a beautiful young woman doing something like this, anyway? Why not find someone to love?"

"I don't have time for that right now. I've got too much to handle as it is. After I'm finished with school I'll start thinking about settling down. But until then, I'm only interested in good, clean, fun," she said with a leer. "And the clean part is optional."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Laura dropped her off about a block away from the hilltop hotel. "Get a nice room, Honey. I hate to feel cramped."

Ryan dutifully climbed the hill, smirking to herself that when Laura called her honey it reminded her of her aunts. She didn't fit in very well in the opulent surroundings in her blue jeans and leather jacket, but she carried herself with so much confidence that she received only appreciative glances. She walked up to the front desk and requested a room for one night.

"Very good, Ma'am," the obviously gay clerk replied.

"What do you have available?" she asked.

He looked down his computer screen and informed her, "I have a single for $135. That's in the back of the hotel, no view. And the only other rooms I have are suites. That's two bedrooms and a sitting area. Those rooms are $450," he said.

"Is that really the best rate you can give me?" she asked with a friendly but determined look.

"Well," he said, "I could give you a discount on the suite. We still have, um... six of them left. Do you only need it for one night?"

"I only need it for one hour," she said with a wiggling eyebrow.

"Oh... ohhh," he said as he saw the light. "How about $300?"

"Sold," she said as she peeled off $350 to cover room tax. He handed her the access card and gave her a wink. "I assume I can just fill in the name and address with any old thing that comes to mind?"

"Knock yourself out," Ryan grinned.

"Have fun," he said lightly.

"Oh I will," she promised. She walked over to the gift shop and purchased two toothbrushes and some paste, then strode confidently over to the elevator. She looked straight ahead and pushed the up button. Seemingly from nowhere Laura appeared a few feet away. They both got on along with a few other passengers. Their room was on the top floor and by the time they reached it they were alone. Ryan continued to ignore Laura, assuming that she would break the silence if she chose to. When the doors opened Ryan turned to the right but Laura hung a left. She walked to the end of the long hallway and opened the door to the suite, leaving it ajar as she entered. A few minutes later Laura came strolling in, and looked around with appreciation.

"You went all out, didn't you?" she said happily.

"Yep. You look like you're used to first class," she replied. "But I got you a deal. I talked the clerk down from $450 to $300."

Laura looked at her very quizzically, but didn't comment. Ryan pulled the toothbrushes from her inner pocket and said, "My contribution to our little endeavor. It's not much, but I didn't have time to shop."

Laura walked over and stood toe to toe with her. She draped her arms around her neck and purred, "How would you like to wash my back?"

"I thought you'd never ask," she growled as she began to gently but determinedly remove her date's clothing.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Two hours later Ryan fought through the haze of her exhaustion as Laura slid out of the tangle of sheets and went back into the bathroom. She heard the shower running as she lazily thought, She sure is clean. But then she remembered that Laura was probably going home to her husband and he might not appreciate 'Eau de O'Flaherty'.

She reflected on the previous two hour long marathon. Laura had been nearly insatiable in her appetite for Ryan. She had pleased her in every way imaginable and Ryan once again mused that experience was a very good thing to have in a lover. She had found with a bit of surprise that she really liked being with an older woman. It had been a while and she reflected that there was something very sexy about an older woman's approach to sex. She found Laura to be very sensual and deliberate in her lovemaking. She knew what she liked and she knew how to get it in a very efficient way. She seemed to have a lot of fun exploring Ryan's body and she brought her to orgasm as though they'd been lovers for years. Laura had obviously been telling the truth about having had other quick flings. When Ryan insisted on safer sex practices she went to her purse and pulled out a handful of condoms and they had managed to use every one of them. It wasn't the safest way but a cut open condom was better than nothing.

She dozed off while she was ruminating and the next thing she knew Laura was placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I've got to go, Honey," she said. Ryan started to hop up but she put her hand on her shoulder to hold her steady. "I can't afford to be seen going back to the gym with you. I have some friends who sometimes go there in the evening."

"That's okay," Ryan agreed. "I can take BART back. Your change is on the table over there," she said as she pointed to the sitting room.

That got her another puzzled look, but Laura just leaned over and gave her a very friendly kiss. "You could definitely become habit forming," she whispered. "I can see why you offer so many disclaimers."

Ryan blushed a little at the compliment. The sexy yet shy look on her face was too much for the older woman and she sat back down next to her and took her in her arms. A few more kisses started the fires burning again and it was very difficult for Laura to disengage. But she finally tore herself away from the lovely young woman and whispered, "Stay right there and let me see you spread out like that as I leave." She got up and walked over to the table. She turned and said, "I'm leaving you money for a cab, Honey. I don't think it's safe to take BART after dark. Actually, why not stay over and go back in the morning?"

"Hmm, not a bad idea," Ryan replied as she rolled over and stretched languorously. She was on her belly, lying in the rumpled bed with the sheet half covering her thighs. Her legs were bent at the knee with her clean pink feet pointing at the ceiling. Her hair was completely ruffled, but with that 'I've just had great sex look'. She brought herself up onto her elbows and rested her head on her hands as she gave Laura one last sultry smile. "I had a marvelous afternoon," she said. "I hope you did, too."

"If you look at me like that for one more minute you're going to have a marvelous evening, too," she said with a mock glower. "I've got to get back to my so called normal life, but you're making it very difficult to leave."

"Just trying to keep the customer satisfied," Ryan teased.

Laura blew her a kiss and departed as she said, "You were completely successful, Honey."

Funny, Ryan thought. After two hours of having her munching on me she doesn't remind me of my aunts anymore. She stretched out and rested for a few minutes but she couldn't really fall asleep. Looking at her watch she noticed that it was only 6 o'clock. She picked up the phone dialed the familiar pager, putting in the full number of the hotel with her room number added at the end. A few minutes later she answered with a perky, "Hi, Conor, watcha doing?"

"Where are you?" he asked suspiciously.

"I'm playing grown up. What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing, really. Da's at work so I was trying to decide what to do for dinner."

"Come over and play grown up with me," she cajoled.

"Where the heck are you?" he asked again.

"I'm at the Mark Hopkins. Room 2350. Bring your toothbrush and a change of clothes. Oh, and bring me some clean underwear and a T-shirt," she instructed as she hung up before he could ask any more questions.

A half hour later she was sitting on the big bed in her room watching cartoons. She had showered and was wearing the fluffy terry cloth robe that the hotel provided. She responded to the tentative knock on the main door, calling out, "Be right there," as she scrambled off the bed. She threw open the door to find a very confused looking Conor.

"Why are we staying at the Mark Hopkins Hotel?" he asked.

"I had a little date earlier today and she had to leave. It seemed an awful waste to let this neat 2 bedroom suite sit idle all night so I thought we should enjoy it."

"Hmm," he said suspiciously. "Why not call your little friend from the gym," referring to Ally.

"You know her name, Conor," she reminded him.

"Yeah? Well I've never been introduced."

"I know," she admitted. "She's not my girlfriend, you know. We just fool around together."

"So why not call her?" he persisted.

"Because the last thing I want is more sex," she said with a small grimace. "I had a great time, but enough is enough!"

"Wow," he enthused as he looked around the spacious dwelling. "Two bedrooms and a sitting room? What did this place cost you?"

"They tried to get $450 for it, but they settled for $300," she said, proud of her negotiating skills.

"Where'd you get $300 for a hotel?" he scoffed as he investigated every nook and cranny.

"Are you nuts?" she nearly shouted. "I wouldn't pop for Motel 6! My date paid for the room; all I bought were the toothbrushes," she said with a little eyebrow wiggle.

"Gee, what kind of dough does she have? And why did you have to get a hotel room?"

"Well, she has a...um..." she stammered as a deep blush covered her face and neck.

"Girlfriend?"

"Nope. She's normally on your team, but she likes to switch hit once in a while."

"Husband?" he asked, rather incredulously.

"Yep. I'm not terribly proud of that part but she does this all the time so I figured I wasn't a home wrecker."

"Wow, why would someone your age get married and then cheat with women?"

"When did I say she was my age?" she demanded rather impetuously.

"How old was she?" he asked rather hesitantly.

"Let's just say she would be a much more appropriate date for Da," she admitted.

"Gee, Sis, your moral code is just going down the toilet," he said as he shook his head. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Conor, you really know how to brighten my day. Now go look at the room service menu and I'll buy you dinner."

"Cool!" he said as he walked over to the table to look for the menu. "Hey, where'd you get all the money?"

"Oh, my date said she was going to leave me cab fare. She must have put it there."

"Where did you tell her you lived? Napa?" he asked as he walked back into the bedroom flapping the wad of cash.

"Shit!" she cried as she jumped off the bed and ran to grab the money. "I can't believe she left me..." she started counting the money, "$250!"

"Don't forget to declare this on your taxes," he teased as he grabbed it back and slapped her with the wad of bills. "I think there is a code for self employed prostitute."

She sank down in the nearest chair and dropped her head into her hands. "Conor I swear if you tell Da any of this..."

"Oh sure, Ryan. 'Hey, Da, Ryan had sex with a 50 year old married woman at the Mark Hopkins who left her a $250 dollar tip! Cool huh?' He'd beat me just for telling him!"

"I think I need to do a little soul searching," she admitted. "This is getting out of hand."

"Before you change your evil ways let's call room service and spend your ill gotten money. Then if the vice squad comes we will have eaten the evidence!"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

As Jamie left the gym over an hour later she noticed that Ryan's bike was still in its place. "Gee, I wonder where she went?" she thought wryly.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Several hours later she drove by the gym on her way to a movie with Mia. She cast a quick glance and noticed the bike still sitting in the parking lot. Hmmm, that's strange. I hope she's okay.

When they drove by on their return trip the gym was closed but the Harley was still sitting there. Jamie really was worried about her friend, but she didn't want to call and disturb her if she was still with the woman. I guess it's possible that they went to her house and just didn't want to go out again, she thought.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The next morning in class Ryan was her usual bubbly self. Jamie casually asked, "What did you do yesterday?"

"Um...I had a date."

"Anyone I know?"

"Um...don't think so," she said quickly.

"Someone from school?"

"Ahhh, no."

"Did you do anything fun?"

"Um...yeah, we had fun."

"Think you'll see her again?"

"Jamie," she finally said. "What are you getting at?"

"Who, me? Getting at something? Oh, do you need a ride to pick up your bike from the gym? I saw it there at midnight last night."

Ryan nodded to herself and said in more of a statement than a question, "And that bothered you."

Jamie looked a little flustered as she said, "No, it didn't bother me. But I was worried about you, Ryan. It's not like you to leave your bike like that and I was worried that something had happened to you."

Ryan asked the obvious question, "Why didn't you page me?"

"Good question. I'm not sure. But it's no big deal. You left your bike there all night. You had a date. You had a good time. Case closed."

"You saw me leave with Laura didn't you?" she asked as she fixed her blue eyes firmly on Jamie.

She looked very guilty as she admitted, "Yeah, I kinda did. I saw you leave, then I saw her leave, and then I saw that your bike was still there."

"What bothers you?" she continued. "Her age?"

"Partly. She could be one of my mother's friends!"

"Yes, and your point is that women over 40 shouldn't have fun?"

"No, that's not my point at all. It just bothered me, but I'm not sure why. Do you have to make a big deal out of it?" she asked crossly.

"Nope. I wasn't aware that I started this. But I can stop it. See you later, Jamie," she snapped as she turned and quickly walked away.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" She cried as she watched Ryan stride down the curving path leading to the biology building.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

That afternoon Jamie showed up early for their training session. She had a healthy suspicion that Ryan would just blow her off and she wanted to get there while she was still with her pervious client. But as soon as she finished Ryan made a bee line over to Jamie. "I am so sorry for snapping at you today," she said sincerely. "You just hit a raw nerve and I let you have it."

"It's okay," she reassured her. "I shouldn't have been butting into your business."

"Jamie, I love it when you are involved in my life. Please butt in as much as you wish," she said as she put her arm around her and gave her a small squeeze.

"So...why were you upset? If you don't mind my butting in."

She looked quite contemplative as she stuck her hands into the slash pockets of her warm up pants and rocked back on her heels for a moment. "It's hard to explain," she admitted. "I guess I just feel like I...I don't know, Jamie. I'm just a little disappointed in myself," she said softly. "This isn't who I expected to be." She had such an open, vulnerable look on her face that Jamie truly wanted to toss her arms around her friend and take all of her pain away.

Instead, she merely gripped her shoulder and assured her, "I think the person you are is absolutely fantastic, Ryan. If you could see yourself through my eyes you wouldn't have any doubts about the person that you've become."

Ryan's face curled up into a crooked grin and she returned the pressure on Jamie's shoulder. "That was a terribly generous thing to say. Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"I'd vote early and often for you," she said as she beamed up at her friend.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Jamie drove through the thick fog one early Sunday morning in mid-November. Traffic was light but the pace was slow due to the poor visibility. She arrived at Ryan's with very little time to spare. She was dressed in a pair of pressed khakis, a gold turtleneck and a dark green cashmere v-neck sweater. Ryan had told her to dress casually, but she had also brought along dressier clothes for later in the day.

She was a bit apprehensive about their plans for the day. Not that people haven't already thought that Ryan was my lover, she reflected. Her own aunt thought so for goodness sake. This experience was going to be a bit different, however. They had discussed all of the options available to them for their 'Gay for a Day' project. It made sense to both of them to do something of a spiritual nature, so they agreed on this morning's destination, The Metropolitan Community Church. Jamie was surprised to learn that this denomination had been in existence for over 25 years. It was founded to serve the needs of disenfranchised gay and lesbian Christians but was open to all.

Ryan trotted down the stairs just seconds after Jamie pulled up in front of the house. She was dressed in a similar manner, wearing a light blue turtleneck sweater with a fisherman's knit cable crew neck over the top. She eschewed khakis for her usual blue jeans, but this pair was a little less faded than usual.

"Jeans for church, Miss O'Flaherty?" Jamie asked with an arched eyebrow.

"It's gay church, Jamie. No dress code," she said knowingly.

The church was close to the Noe Valley. They arrived for the 9:00 a.m. service about 10 minutes early. The church was rather small; Jamie guessed it would hold about 300 people, but it was obviously lovingly cared for. It was less traditional than most churches she had been to, but very familiar nonetheless. There was a large raised sanctuary that held a pulpit and a large altar. A beautiful stained glass window rose majestically from behind the sanctuary. There was a choir loft with a large organ and quite a few choir members already in place. Comfortable pews radiated out from the center aisle.

Three happy looking people were at the door to greet them. A tall, bearded man welcomed them and directed them to printed worship aids. They each took one of the little booklets and settled themselves into a pew not far from the front of the church. Jamie looked around with interest. The church was about half full and most of the people seemed to know one another. There were many hugs and kisses and handshakes being passed around. She guessed that the majority of people were gay, but she was fairly certain that she detected a few traditional family units as well.

Ryan had never attended the church so she was unable to shed much light on what to expect. After a few minutes the organ began to ring out a rather traditional hymn that Jamie recognized. A large procession began down the center aisle with the entire choir and various other acolytes and ministers following. Several people, men and women, were dressed as ministers.

The choir gathered in the sanctuary as the ministers took their places behind the altar. Both women were surprised to find that the service echoed the traditional