Disclaimer: These characters are all mine.
Sexual content: This story is about a lesbian couple. If this offends you or is illegal where you are, please press the back button or move on. If you are under the age of 18, go away until you're old enough.
Hetero warning : Only a little…but it's definitely enough to cause problems.
Language: Mild profanity.
Note: This story begins immediately following the ending of I Wish You Loved Me. Sort of. If you haven't read that story you may be a little lost.
Dedications: To my wife Keitha. You gave me your love and the opportunity to share my life with you and your children and I thank God for all of you every single day of my life.
Feedback welcome at firstname.lastname@example.org
Hazel eyes blinked slowly into awareness. The first thing she realized is that she was naked. The second was that she was being held securely in someone's arms. She moved blonde hair out of her face and looked up into a beautiful sleeping face. She smiled and snuggled closer as she studied Jada's face. So beautiful. All this time, she's loved me…we've loved each other. Finally being able to express our love to each other and making love to each other…well, her making love to me… Sara ran her hand across Jada's stomach and up her side to the edge of her bra. Time for me to try and return the favor. She rose up gently and looked down at Jada, smiling when she noticed that her bra hooked in front. She unhooked the latch and watched as the sides fell away exposing her chest. She bit her lip and shook her head. Is every inch of her perfect? She caressed the side of the nearest mound and lowered her mouth to it. Guess I'm about to find out. She slowly licked round the nipple before taking it into her mouth and suckling gently.
Jada moaned softly in her sleep as jolts of electricity shot through her body to her core. She opened her eyes to find Sara's blonde head upon her chest. “Sara,” she whispered as she tangled her fingers in her hair.
Sara smiled up at her. She moved up and kissed her lips softly. “My turn,” she whispered before lowering her kiss to Jada's neck. Jada chuckled and sat up to shimmy out of her bra. Sara's hands moved to undo Jada's pants and soon, she too is naked. Sara sat back on her heels taking in the sight of her. Her caramel skin, perfect breasts, perfect stomach and perfect thighs. “Perfect,” she whispered as she ran her hand along a thigh.
Jada smiled and ran her fingers through Sara's hair. “As long as you think so,” she said pulling her down into a passionate kiss.
Sara rose up to look down into Jada's eyes. “Tell me if do something wrong?” she asked softly.
“I trust you,” she whispered smiling.
Sara returned her smile and leaned down to kiss her…
Sara wakes up gasping, her whole body tingling. She looks over to the other side of the bed for Jada. She finds the towhead of one of their 2 year old twins next to her instead. Tears fill her eyes for the millionth time since Jada left. She holds in the sobs that were threatening to come out as she leans down to kiss her daughter's blonde head. She gets out of their bed and makes her way to the living room where the light of dawn was just peeking through the windows. She curls up on the couch, pulling the throw blanket off the back to wrap up in, trying to figure out how to fix the mess she'd made of all of their lives. “We were so happy and so in love. I knew she loved me and our life together,” she whispers to herself as she thinks back.
After taking a jog in the park near their house, Sara had stopped for a rest. She sat on a bench thinking of just how perfect her life was. She'd finally finished her degree and had gotten a job with a local company in which she excelled and also paid very well. She was, by far, the happiest she had ever been in her life and it was all thanks to Jada. Her lover, her wife, her everything. She was as happy as she was because of the love and support Jada provided her with unwaveringly. She looked out at all the families at the park that day. She heard laughter and noticed that some parents had organized a baby race on interconnected blankets. She laughs right along with them as she watches the babies crawl, giggling the whole way, to parents cheering them on. From that moment on, she knew she wanted to have a family with Jada.
That night, she sat Jada down and they discussed what she saw at the park and her wants.
Jada had looked at her smiling indulgently. “You want kids, huh?” Sara had smiled back, nodding. Jada had moved to put her arm around her wife's shoulder, pulling her close. She caressed Sara's upper arm with her fingertips. “I'd love to have a little girl running around here that looks just like you,” she had said softly.
Sara looked up at her, smiling. “Or you…” she said, her smile fading when Jada shook her head, sadly. She looked into saddened gray eyes concerned. “Why not, Jada?”
“Cause I can't carry a child, Sara.”
“I had a severe case of adenomysosis some years back. I tried medicine but it didn't help. In the end, I had to have a hysterectomy. I don't have a uterus, therefore, I can't carry a child,” she said quietly.
Sara frowned and turned completely toward her wife. “I don't remember any of this at all.”
“It happened those years you were gone… with your Dad. It wasn't a big deal,” Jada said looking at her hands.
Sara looked at her lowered head then down at her own hands. She shook her head then looked back at Jada's bowed head. She ran her fingers through her thick dark hair and when teary gray eyes looked up at her she immediately took her into her arms. “It is a big deal…especially if you want kids, honey.”
Jada held her close. “I'd be just as happy to raise kids from you, Sara,” she had whispered.
Sara took a deep breath and released it, not quite ready to give up on having a child with Jada's features. “So you had a hysterectomy. Ovaries, too?”
“No, just my uterus. They said it wasn't necessary to remove my ovaries to control it.”
Sara smiled brightly. “Do you know any fertility doctors? Surely there have to be referrals from the hospital…”
Jada had sat up with a confused look on her face. “Well yeah but…” Her frown gave way to one of complete shock when she finally understands. “You mean you…you wanna…”
Sara had only smiled as she nodded. She leaned in to kiss her softly. “I wanna have your baby,” she had whispered.
After choosing a donor together, the process of acquiring and fertilizing Jada's eggs was easy. Implanting them in Sara proved to be the tricky part. The doctor tried to explain to them that it sometimes takes multiple tries before a couple conceives but all Jada heard was that there was nearly no chance of Sara being able to carry a child for her. So they decided to artificially inseminate Sara as well as place the fertilized eggs in her uterus. One month and one missed period later, they got the news that they conceived on the first try. Two months after that, they both stared at the doctor in shock as she told them that they were expecting fraternal twins. Jada had hugged her so tightly, thanking her over and over again.
Jada proved to be very attentive, understanding and patient throughout Sara's pregnancy. Her first priority was Sara's comfort, offering backrubs and foot massages as needed. She never hesitated to tell Sara how beautiful she was and how excited she was to see the twins. Jada had always envisioned two blonde haired hazel eyed baby girls who looked just like Sara, even though they chose not to know the sex until birth. Sara, however, was still holding out hope that since the twins were fraternal that one or both could be Jada's.
It had been determined that since Sara had such a small frame, the twins would be delivered via c-section. So when the day came to take them, Jada drove her to the hospital and was there with her through the whole thing. Jada had stood at the head of the bed holding Sara's hand as the incision was made. Nobody was surprised when a head with fine blonde hair appeared.
Jada was all smiles. “It's a girl, honey,” she whispered close to Sara's ear.
Sara smiled with tears in her eyes. “Go check on her for me,” she had asked, closing her eyes as Jada had kissed her forehead then moved quickly to where the crying baby was.
Jada stood near the nurses as they took care of their daughter. “Just like Sara,” she had whispered right before the air was split with another wail.
“Another girl,” the doctor pronounced.
Jada turned to watch them bring her other daughter over and her knees buckled at the sight.
A nurse had watched the delivery and moved near Jada to watch for her reaction. She had heard of their story and knew without a doubt that Jada would be shocked which is why she moved near her, to catch her before she fell.
For coming towards them, freshly delivered from Sara's womb, was the dark headed caramel skinned baby she thought she would never have. She watched through her tears as both baby girls were cleaned and wrapped up. She leaned over them and placed kisses on both of their foreheads. “Hi, babies,” she had whispered as her tears overflowed. She turned when Sara called for her and the babies.
The nurse, seeing that Jada was once again steady, placed their fair-haired firstborn in her arms then picked up the dark-haired second born and followed Jada to the bed where Sara waited.
Sara had smiled brightly when she saw the fair-haired baby in Jada's arms. She reaches out for her and Jada placed her gently in her arms. “Hi, there. Hi, Emma,” she cooed to the baby. The nurse placed their second born in Jada's arms, smiling then moves away to give them privacy. “Where's…?” she had started before catching sight of their second daughter in Jada's arms. Tears filled her eyes at the ones flowing nonstop down Jada's cheeks. “Oh, Jada…”
Jada shook her head, smiling tremulously. “I don't know how you did this. I didn't think…”
Sara held out her hand to her. Jada took it and sat next to her with the baby in her arms. “This is how it was supposed to be. A little you and a little me. Our family.”
Jada leaned forward and kissed her lips tenderly. “I love you so much.”
Sara smiled and touched her cheek. “I love you too.” She looked back and forth between the two babies. “So are you gonna name her or what?”
Jada looked at her surprised. “Me?”
Sara nodded smiling tenderly. “Yes you. Go ahead,” she said softly.
Jada looked down at her daughter who was the spitting image of herself. “Hi, Ashton,” she had whispered.
She runs her hand through her hair and sighs. “How did everything go so wrong?”
Over the next two years, Jada doted unapologetically on both of her daughters. While Ashton naturally wanted attention, love and comfort from both parents, Emma had always turned to Jada. All of their friends would jokingly ask which child belonged to who to which Jada would answer “they're both ours”.
They had turned the guest room into the girls' bedroom. There would be so many times that Sara had to get Jada from their room after having fallen asleep there in one bed or the other with a little girl on either side of her. Although there were two beds in the room, the girls only ever slept in one.
For the last 6 months, Jada had been working extra hours at work and when she got home, all the free time she had went to the girls. The only time Sara was alone with her was at bedtime and by then Jada was exhausted. Needless to say that their love life had been suffering horribly. Maybe that's why Sara would end up doing what she did. Did she really think that Jada would cheat on her? Admittedly, Jada could have anyone she wanted. She was smart. She was gorgeous. She was fit. And Sara, still trying to lose the last few pounds from her pregnancy, needed attention from somewhere. But instead of talking with her wife of 5 years about what she was feeling, she turned to somebody else.
Thinking of what she lost, she's unable to contain the sobs any longer. Heart wrenching sobs reach the ears of her eldest.
The blonde haired 2 year old follows the sound and sees her mother crying uncontrollably. “Mommy?” she asked softly.
Sara looks up into big green teary eyes. She holds her arms out. “Come here, baby.”
Emma climbs up into her mother's arms and hugs her. “Want Moma. Want Sissy,” she pouts as she had every single day, all day since the night Jada left with Ashton.
“Me, too, baby. Me, too,” Sara whispers holding her close.
100 miles away…
“Thanks for watching the girls for us, Dana,” Jada said as she sat both girls backpacks down.
“No problem. You know I love spending time with my godchildren,” Dana said tickling both girls who squeal and run for cover.
Jada chuckled. “That's because you're a big kid yourself.”
Dana shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “And your point is…?”
Jada laughed. “Oh nothing. Come here girls,” she called out to them. They both ran up to her smiling. She kneels in front of them. “I want you to be good girls for Aunt Dana, ok?” They both nod. “I'm gonna go surprise Mommy at work and take her away for a few days. All this hard work for the last several months has paid off and your Mommy has been very patient and understanding with me through it all. So I'm gonna reward her. And when I get back, I'm taking you two to…….Disneyland!” she exclaimed.
The girls, who had no clue what Disneyland was, were, nevertheless, extremely excited. Dana, for her part, had fallen over laughing at their antics and Jada laughed as the girls piled on top of her laughing.
Jada stood and kissed both girls' foreheads. “I love you both. Be good.”
Twenty minutes later, grey eyes flashed with anger right before filling with tears as she stared at the scene in front of her in stunned disbelief. The love of her life was sitting on a table in a deserted conference room with a blonde haired man wedged firmly between her legs and his tongue down her throat. It was her wife, unmistakably, because of the outfit she left their home wearing that morning and the diamond ring she gave her when she asked her to marry her sparkled bright from the hand that rested firmly in this man's fair hair. She stood staring as his hands rubbed up and down the stocking covered thighs on either side of him. No question as to where this interlude was headed. For the first time? The 10 th ? When did this start? How could she do this to me? To our family? Her fingers unconsciously clenched around the bouquet of roses she had bought and she didn't even realize just how tightly she squeezed them until she felt the sting in her hand from the thorns. She looked at the blood trickling down her hand and dropped the flowers.
The rustle of the dropped flowers caused hazel eyes to fly open. She jerked away from the man abruptly. Her eyes widened as they locked onto Jada's devastated grey ones. “Jada…please…” she said as she pushed the guy away.
“What's going on, Sara?” the guy asked looking between her and Jada.
Sara ignored him and hopped down from the table, adjusting her clothes. Jada just stared at her for a moment then turned to leave. Sara ran after her and caught her at the door and grabbed her arm.
Jada jerked her arm away. “Don't touch me,” she hissed. Sara stepped back with tears falling down her cheeks. Jada studied the guy, noticing that he was the same one that was always around when she went to visit Sara at work. Her gaze stopped at his erection then went back to her wife, immediately focusing on lips swollen from kissing another. “Don't ever touch me again,” she said coldly and left out.
“Jada wait! Please!” she yelled as she started to follow her.
The guy ran over to stop her. She fought to get out of his arms. “Sara! Sara just stop.” She wrenched herself away from him and glared at him. He held up his hands. “Where are you going? I thought we were starting something here.”
“We're not starting anything!” she yelled. She started to pace as her tears flowed freely. “Oh, god… What have I done?” she asked herself as she started to the door again.
He grabs her arm. “Where are you going?”
She jerked her arm free again and continued to walk. “After my wife,” she said breaking into a run. She caught up with her in the parking lot near her car. “Jada, wait. Just let me explain,” she pleaded.
Jada whirled on her, forcing her to step back. “Explain? How the fuck are you gonna explain what I just saw to me, Sara? Huh?” Sara looked down as she continued to cry. “How could you do this to me? To our family?!? After everything… How could you?” she asked as her anger gave way to enormous hurt.
Sara continued to look down, unable to meet her eyes. “I'm sorry, Jada,” she whispered.
Jada looked away as her own tears finally began to fall. “I hope it was worth it to you,” she said taking off her wedding band and dropping it to the pavement and going to her car. She got in, slammed the door, cranked up and sped off.
Jada sped over to Dana's house. She got out, leaving the car running and knocked forcefully on Dana's door.
“Ok. Ok. Hold your horses,” Dana exclaimed coming to the door. She opened it and stepped back as Jada rushed inside. “Jada! What happened? What's wrong?” she asked looking into Jada's tear stained face. Jada shook her head and looked at her hands. “Oh my god! What happened to your hand?”
“I…I cut it…on the flowers. I cut it,” she whispered.
Dana led her into the bathroom and proceeded to do first aid on her hand. “What's going on, Jada?” she asked cleaning her hand.
“Where are the girls?” Jada asked ignoring the question and the pain.
“They're in the TV room with Leslie. Now tell me what happened,” she said wrapping Jada's hand.
Jada tested the flexibility of the bandage and sighs. “She's cheating on me…with a man. I caught them at her job.”
Dana gasped shaking her head. “Oh, Jada, she didn't…”
Jada laughed without humor. “Oh yes she did,” she said standing.
Dana stood with her. “What are you gonna do?”
“I don't know… I just want my girls. I gotta get away from here,” she said starting towards the TV room.
Dana followed. “Jada, you can't just take them. They're her kids, too.”
Jada stopped at the entrance to the TV room and gave Dana a look that caused her eyes to widen. “Only one of them is,” she said quietly and went into the TV room to the cheering of her daughters. She kneeled down in front of them. “Hi babies,” she said hugging them both at the same time.
Dana went to Leslie who looked at her in question. She shook her head. “Jada, just listen to me, ok? Don't separate those girls. They're twins for goodness sake!”
Jada sat back on her haunches looking at the girls who were as different as night and day. Ashton, who was identical to her in skin, hair and eye color, was incredibly independent. And Emma, their first born, had inherited Sara's blonde hair and all of the green in Sara's hazel eyes, tended to be quiet but extremely attached to Jada and her little sister. “You're right,” she had whispered.
At that moment, Sara had entered the house yelling Jada's name. Jada closed her eyes and sighed as she stood. Sara rushed into the TV room. “Jada…” she started before the girls yelled ‘Mommy' and rushed to her. She kneeled down just as Jada had and hugged them both. “Hi, sweetie,” she said kissing both of their temples. She stood and turned to Jada who was looking down as Dana whispered fervently to her. “Jada please…”
Jada looked up at that moment to stare daggers at her. “Why are you here? Shouldn't you be finishing what you started at work?” she asks coldly and quietly.
“It didn't mean anything. I swear. I've never…”
“Save it!” Jada had yelled, startling everyone. “I'm outta here.” She went to kiss both 2 year old's head. “Be good. I'll see you soon,” she had said and turned to walk away. Surprisingly, it was Ashton who objected so forcefully.
“No!” Ashton had screamed desperately at her retreating back. Dana had knelt to hold both girls as Jada walked away. “Moma! I go wit you, Moma! Peez! Peez, Moma!” she continued to scream until Jada stopped, her heart unable to take hearing her daughter beg.
Jada turned to them seeing her baby's outstretched arms to her and her tears start to fall once again. “Let her go,” she said quietly. And as soon as Dana had let go, Ashton had run as fast as her little legs could take her to latch onto Jada's legs. Jada picked her up and Ashton clung to her as tight as she could. She went to get Ashton's backpack then knelt in front of Emma with Ashton still in her arms. “I love you, Em. I'm so sorry, baby,” she whispered, unable to speak around the lump in her throat at leaving her behind. She kissed her forehead, stood and after a quick glance at a teary-eyed Sara, walked steadily to the door without looking back.
So intent on getting out of the house and away from Sara, she didn't hear the quiet desperate pleas of their first born not to be left behind.
Jada awakens with tears in her eyes and takes in her surroundings. She looks over at the small raven-haired girl in the bed next to her and realizes it wasn't just a nightmare. Sara wasn't in bed next to her snuggled against her side. Ashton was. And she wouldn't be awakened this morning by two energetic 2 year olds, because one of her daughters wasn't with her but oh how she wished she was. She rubs her face with both hands, removing the tears threatening to fall, then leans over to kiss Ashton's slumbering head. She gets up and changes into some running shoes and tank top then heads into the kitchen of her mother's house.
Mrs. Rollins looks up as her only child enters the kitchen. “Hi, honey.”
“Hey, Ma,” she says sitting at the table.
Her mother pours her a glass of orange juice, noticing Jada's attire. “Drink this before you go out on an empty stomach,” she says sitting the glass in front of her. Jada drinks the juice obediently. Her mother joins her at the table. “Where's Ashton?”
“Still sleeping. Not a care in the world,” she says wistfully. Mrs. Rollins reaches over and grabs her hand. Jada sighs and runs her free hand through her hair. “I miss my little girl, Ma. I miss Emma so much.” Her mother sits quietly listening. “Her and Ashton are so different, you know? Ashton is as independent as 2 year olds come. But Emma… She's so attached to me. Ashton needs me as much as much as a 2 year old should, but I feel that Emma needs me just a little more than that. Does that make any sense?”
Her mother nods. “Yes, it does. It doesn't matter that she's not your blood, Jada. She's still your daughter…my grand-daughter. And from what her mother has been saying, I'd say she really needs you right now.”
“What? What did Sara say? What's wrong with Emma?” she asks in a concerned rush.
“She's just sad, honey. Withdrawn. She was always quiet before but Sara says she won't say anything other than to ask for you and Ashton.” Her mother had already decided to leave out the part about Emma not eating much.
Jada looks at her hands and nods as she comes to a decision. “I think it's time to go back. She must think I've abandoned her. Regardless of how I feel about Sara, I need to be there for my daughter. We'll work something out.”
Mrs. Rollins nods. “I think that's a good idea, honey.”
Jada stands and heads out. “If Ashton wakes up while I'm gone…”
“I'll take care of her. Don't worry.”
Jada smiles, slightly. “Thanks Ma,” she says leaving.
Her mother watches her leave out then goes to the phone and calls her daughter's house.
Sara reaches over for the phone and answers quickly after seeing the name on the caller ID. “Hello? Jada?”
“No, hon. It's Jackie.”
Sara sighs. “Hi, Mrs. Rollins. Is everything ok? Did something happen?”
“No. I was just calling because I think that you and Emma need to come and visit today."
“Really? But Jada said…”
“Jada is missing her child, Sara. Her wife, too,” Jackie says softly.
Sara looks down as tears come to her eyes. “I miss my child and wife, too.”
“Then I should expect you two this afternoon?”
Sara rubs the back of the little girl asleep in her arms and nods, unseen. “Yes, ma'am. I'll take care of Emma and we'll be on our way.”
“See you then.”
Sara hands up the phone and sits in a stunned silence. Jackie called. She hasn't called since this whole thing happened. Maybe Jada's willing to listen to me now. She lays a sleeping Emma down and goes to shower.
Jada arrives back at her mother's house after running around the neighborhood. She comes in looking around for her mother. “Mom? Munchkin?” she calls out to no answer. She goes to the patio door and smiles when she sees Ashton chasing her mother's Chihuahua around the backyard, laughing the whole time with her mother watching from the porch. Jada knocks lightly on the patio door to get her mother's attention. Jackie looks back and gives a thumbs up, smiling. Jada nods and goes into the bedroom she had been sharing with Ashton.
After her shower, she comes outside and sits next to her mother, laying her head on her shoulder.
Jada nods and closes her eyes. “I think Ashton and I will be going home in the morning,” she says softly. Her mother nods silently. Jada sighs. “Thanks for letting us crash here. It was my first instinct.”
“As it should be. This is still your home, Jada.”
“Thanks, Ma,” she whispers.
“So, what are you gonna do when you get home?”
She shrugs. “I dunno. They need both of us so we'll both stay there, I guess. Gotta work on the sleeping arrangements, though.”
“You'll work it out…for the girls' sake,” her mother says as they hear the doorbell ring. They both look back into the house. “I'll get it,” Jackie says standing and heading into the house.
Jada turns back to watch as the little dog tries valiantly to escape Ashton's clutches. She chuckles and shakes her head. Poor dog. She's not gonna give up till she catches you. She doesn't turn around when she hears the patio door open again, assuming it was her mother coming back out. “So, who was there?”
“Moma?” a tiny voice asks tentatively.
Jada turns around quickly. “Emma? Come here, baby,” she says reaching out to her as tears fill and fall from her eyes. Emma goes quickly into her arms. “I missed you so much, princess. So much.”
“No go. No leave me, Moma,” Emma pleads quietly as she clings to Jada's shirt.
Jada starts to cry, her heart breaking as she hears the quiet pleas she missed when she left. “I won't. I promise I won't leave you ever again.”
“Stay wit u, Moma. No leave me. Peez.”
“I won't. I'm so sorry, baby. So very sorry,” she says holding her first born closer. She kisses her temple as she rocks her back and forth. “I love you so much. Please forgive me, princess.”
Emma sighs. “Love, Moma,” she says quietly.
The patio door slides open further and the noise draws Ashton's attention. Her face lights up. “Mommy!” she squeals running to the porch.
Sara steps down off the porch and catches Ashton as she launches herself into her arms. “Hey, munchkin! I missed you so much,” she says hugging her. Ashton hugs her back, smiling. Sara goes and sits next to Jada with Ashton in her arms.
Ashton reaches over and grabs Emma's hand, smiling. “Sissy.” Emma peeks at her smiling.
Jada looks over at her daughter in Sara's arms then up into her apologetic hazel eyes. She kisses Emma's head again and closes her eyes. “Thank you for bringing her,” she says quietly. Sara nods, silently as she rocks Ashton.
Jackie comes back outside. “Do you all need anything? Something to drink?”
Jada smiles up at her. “I'm good, Ma. Thanks.”
“I'm alright too,” Sara says softly.
“Ok. I'll get started on some lunch then,” her mother says going back inside to give them privacy.
Sara sighs and turns to Jada. “Jada… I know you don't wanna hear any excuses from me but I swear to you, what you saw was the only time that I ever… I was stupid. I wasn't thinking clearly at all. I was so lonely. I know that doesn't excuse it at all but I made that mistake. I wasn't thinking of the consequences to me or you or our family. But I promise you that I have never slept with anyone but you, Jada. Please believe me. You and these girls are my entire life and if I have to, I'll spend the rest of my life proving that to you. I love you so much… and I am so sorry.”
Jada takes a deep breath, lip quivering as she tries to reign in her emotions. “Ashton and I are coming home tomorrow.” Sara's eyes light up. Jada turns to look at her. “But, I don't know if I'm comfortable enough to share a bed with you.”
Sara nods as tears come to her eyes. “Ok,” she says as her voice breaks. She clears her throat. “I understand. I'll sleep on the couch or in one of the beds in the girls' room since they only use one anyway. I'll do whatever you want, as long as you come home.”
“The girls' room is fine. They need both of us… and I intend to be there.”
“I understand,” Sara whispers.
“Ok,” Jada says as she goes back to cuddling Emma.
Sara watches them and holds Ashton, who is still holding Emma's hand, closer. “I resigned from my job last week,” she says quietly. Jada turns to look at her. “I thought that I could be home more with the girls.”
“Just for that reason?” Jada asks quietly.
Sara nuzzles Ashton's soft black hair and sighs. “No. I don't want to give you any more reason to doubt me, Jada. I will win your trust back… and your love. I'll do what I have to do. I have enough saved that…”
“We don't have money issues, Sara. I got promoted. I'm the Director of Nurses for the entire hospital now, not just the manager of the Med/Surg floor. I've been in training for the last 6 months,” she says quietly.
Sara stares at her. Oh god… “That's what you were doing? I didn't know. I thought…”
Jada studies her and narrows her eyes. “You thought I was having an affair, didn't you?” Sara nods, ashamed. “Sara… I proposed to you in the middle of La Femme so everyone would know I was taken. I wore your ring everywhere… You gave me my children. How could you think for a second that I would throw it all away?”
Sara starts to cry. “I don't know. I'm sorry,” she cries.
Ashton turns in her arms and hugs her. Even Emma sits up when she notices the tears. “No cry, Mommy. No cry.”
Sara controls herself with considerable effort. “I'm ok, honey. I'm sorry.” She chuckles tearfully as Ashton wipes at her tears. Sara kisses her forehead. “I love you, munchkin.” She leans over and kisses Emma's forehead just under Jada's chin. “I love you, too, princess. I love all of you,” she whispers pulling back to look into Jada's teary grey eyes.
Jada stares into teary hazel eyes. I love you, too. I miss you so much…but every time I close my eyes, I see you kissing him. She stands and Emma's hands clutch her shirt again. She looks at her fair haired daughter. “Let's go see what Grandma made for lunch, huh?” Emma nods, smiling as Jada opens the patio door.
Ashton looks up at them then at Sara who held her.
Sara smiles and stands her up. “Go on,” she says patting her butt. She watches longingly as they disappear into the house, wishing with every fiber of her being that she was a part of that.
Jada's mother comes and sits beside Sara as she looks out over the backyard. Sara looks over at her then down at her hands. “They're inside eating.”
“Emma, too?” Sara asks quietly.
Jackie nods. “Emma, too. She'll be fine as long as she can see Jada.” Sara nods, still not meeting her eyes yet. “Aren't you hungry, too?”
Sara sighs. “I'm ok. You don't have to be nice to me. I know I'm a horrible person.”
Jackie clears her throat and scoots closer to Sara. “Everybody makes mistakes, Sara. Granted, I do not like to see my child and my grandchildren hurt but the specifics of why aren't my business. That's between you and Jada. And whether you accept it or not, you are still my daughter and I love you just as much as I always have. I hate to see you hurt, too,” she says putting her arm around Sara's shoulders and drawing her into a hug.
It was that kind-hearted gesture that broke her. Sara hugs Jackie as she cries on her shoulder. “I'm so sorry. I screwed up so bad. She didn't deserve what I did to her. I was so stupid. So foolish.” Jackie doesn't pry, already having some idea what would prompt Jada to separate those twins and leave Sara behind. Sara sighs as her tears continue to fall. “I guess on some level I thought that I never really deserved her in the first place. She's…god, she's so gorgeous and kind and sexy and generous. Everybody wanted her when we first got together. They still do. She chose me then. She fell in love with me. Me . Of all the girls she could've had, she chose me. And I felt so lucky…so proud to finally be hers. So happy to finally have what I've wanted since I met her all those years ago. I used to drive my mother nuts going on and on about her,” she chuckles tearfully.
Jackie nods, smiling. “She told me.”
Sara looks up at her. “My mom?” Jackie nods. Sara blushes slightly and shrugs. “I couldn't help it. Then she told me she loved me and I felt like I had won the lottery, you know? How many people have a chance to be with the love of their life? To have somebody give you as much love as you give them? But she did. She loved me…and she proposed to me…in front of everyone. She made a statement to everybody that saw it, that she chose me…that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with just me . I saw it…the envy in all their eyes. They all wanted her but I got her. I did,” she says thumping her chest. She stands and walks a little ways into the backyard. “And what did I do? I threw it all away and for what? For what ?!”
Jackie goes and stands next to her. She watches as Sara hugs herself with closed eyes, practically willing herself not to lose it. Jackie sighs. “I think you skipped some major parts in there.” Sara shakes her head. “Do you think that she just settled for you? You don't think that you made her dreams come true when you loved her like she needed? I've never seen her smile as much as she did in the 6 months between the start of your relationship to when you got married. And when you gave her children… Sara, you and those girls are her entire life.”
Sara sighs with a shudder. “Were.”
Jackie grabs Sara's shoulders and turns her to face her. “ Are. Do you think she just stopped loving you overnight?”
“I don't know,” she says miserably. Jackie rubs her back. “She can't even look at me longer than 2 seconds. I pray to God she hasn't stopped loving me. That would kill me.”
“She's hurt, Sara. Put yourself in her shoes for a second and tell me you wouldn't be hurt, too.” Sara starts to cry again. Jackie sighs and hugs Sara again. “You gotta give her time, honey. And for now, you gotta take a backseat and let her take care of Emma because even though it was only 2 weeks…it feels more like 2 years to her.”
“I know. I know Emma needs to feel secure that Jada won't leave her again and I know I probably don't deserve it right now and maybe it makes me selfish, but I need to feel that, too. I need her too.”
Jackie rubs her back and looks up at the house to see Jada standing at the open patio door. “She knows that, Sara. She knows you need her, too. Just give her some time. You four are a family. To keep it that way, you both are gonna have to fight for it.” Jada looks down then goes back inside.
“What if she won't?” Sara asks quietly.
“Then fight enough for both of you.”
“Did she finally fall asleep?” Sara asks after exiting the bathroom of the girls' room back at their home.
Jada reaches over and caresses the hair of the towhead child in question. “A few minutes ago.” Emma had refused to be removed from Jada's side at Jada's Mom's house. They had to move her car seat into Jada's vehicle because of it. If Jada disappeared for more than a few minutes at a time, Emma would tear up and begin asking for her. So Jada bathed her and cuddled her close all night. She finally went to sleep with Jada holding her and rocking her all the while uttering reassurances in her ear. The tiny fists had finally relaxed when Emma fell asleep. Jada laid her down next to her slumbering sister and stayed just in case she woke up.
Sara kneels next to her. “She doesn't want you to leave again,” she says quietly.
“I won't leave her again. Not ever,” Jada says softly but firmly. She closes her eyes as the scent of Sara's body wash and shampoo assault her senses. She exhales and stands. “I never should've left her,” she says leaving out of the room.
Sara stands and follows her. “Jada?” She stops and turns to her. “Do you work tomorrow?”
“No. I was gonna… I have another week off.”
Sara studies the guarded face and sighs. “Did you want some hot cocoa before bed? I was just gonna catch a movie if you wanted to join me.”
Jada looks away. “No, I'm just gonna hit the sack. I'm tired. I'll see you in the morning,” she says walking away, not looking back.
“You sure you wanna do this, Jada?”
Jada sighs and looks at her friend as they stand outside of La Femme a month later. “For the last time, yes. Jesus! You act like I'm whoring myself out when all I came to do was get a drink and relax,” she says opening the door and entering.
Dana follows her, concerned. “Like every girl here isn't gonna know something's up when you suddenly show back up alone.”
Jada stops and turns on Dana who stops at the look in her eye. “Look, if you don't want to be here, go home. I didn't ask you to come anyway. You volunteered.”
“I'm just trying to keep you from doing something crazy.”
“Like what? Finding a hot young thing from in here and fucking her silly? As I recall, if I wanted to do that, I'm owed one.”
Dana's eyes widen. “That's what you're gonna do, isn't it? You're gonna do something to pay her back. She didn't sleep with him! I won't let you do this.”
“I do not need a fuckin' babysitter! You're supposed to be my friend, Dana.”
“I am ! I'm a friend to both of you. That's why I won't let you ruin your marriage!”
“My marriage is already ruined…and surprisingly enough, it wasn't my doing. So just back the hell off,” she says turning to continue into the club.
Dana grabs her arm. “I can't just sit back and let you do this, Jada.”
Jada looks at the hand on her arm then up into Dana's eyes until she let go. “That's very noble of you, Dana, but let me ask you this,” she says moving to stand mere inches from her face. “Where the fuck were you when she was cheating on me? Huh?” Dana looks down. Jada laughs without humor. “That's what I thought. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to drink alone,” she says then storms over to the bar. After getting her drink, she makes her way over to an empty table near the dance floor, oblivious to the two pair of dark eyes watching her. She takes a sip of her cherry vodka sour and is finally starting to settle down when someone sits down in front of her. When she raises weary grey eyes, she is met with a pair of familiar dark ones.
“Long time, no see, Jada.”
Jada raises her brows and sits back. “Long time, no see is sure as hell right. How are you, Tami?”
The petite black girl shrugs, smiling. “I can't complain. How have you been?”
Jada studies her ex and notices a multitude of changes in her since the last time she saw her. The most noticeable being that her eyes weren't as cold as they used to be and that her smile was actually genuine. She finds herself smiling back. She shrugs. “Can I get you a drink?” she asks spotting a waitress walking by.
Tami raises her brows in surprise. “Yeah. Thanks. Anything fruity.”
“So what are you up to and into now, Tami?”
Tami laughs, nodding as they get their drinks. “I'm actually the accountant for my Dad's company.”
“No shit? Since when? As I recall, you didn't want that job at all.”
Tami shrugs. “I decided I need to grow up and in a hurry.”
Jada raises her brows, intrigued. “Why? What happened?”
Tami looks away. “I saw a dream of mine die right before my eyes and decided to change my life and my ways.”
“What did you see?”
Tami looks back at her. “I saw the girl of my dreams propose to someone else right in front of me.” Jada looks down nodding. “Up until that point, I truly believed I would have another chance with you. But the way you looked at Sara that night when you asked her to marry you… I realized I missed out big time. With the way I acted, I'm shocked you're being so cordial to me now.”
Jada cocks her head. “Why wouldn't I be? We just broke up. It's not like you tried to kill me.”
Tami laughs and nods. “So how long till you two got married?”
“From that night? 3 months.”
Tami nods, smiling. She glances at her left hand and wonders where Jada's wedding band was. Considering she was there alone, she decided to test the waters to find out. “So, how's married life treating you?”
Jada shrugs and smiles a bit sadly if Tami was reading her right. She reaches into her back pocket and brings out her wallet. She takes a picture of Emma and Ashton out and hands them to Tami. “Pretty good.”
Tami gasps, smiling as she takes the picture. “They're gorgeous, Jada. This one looks just like you and the other one looks just like Sara.” She looks at Jada and tilts her head. “You had a baby? How old is she?”
“Sara gave birth to them. They're twins and they just turned 3 years old.”
“How the hell did you pull that off?”
Jada laughs. “In vitro for Ashton…”
“Yes and artificial insemination for Emma.”
“Sara's.” Jada nods. “Wow. That's amazing. They're like little clones of you two.”
Jada chuckles. “I guess they are. They're my girls.”
Tami smiles tenderly. “You seem really happy, Jada. I'm happy for you even if it couldn't be me,” she says handing the picture back.
“Thank you, Tami.”
“Absolutely. So, did Sara take them to your mother's for the weekend?”
Jada snorts and shakes her head. “No… They're at home.”
“Oh,” Tami says watching as Jada flags down another waitress for another drink. Tami looks around the table and notices 3 empties already, none of them beer, and wonders what happened to pull Jada out of the house with her family to this bar.
Jada smiles and winks at the waitress. “Keep an eye on me, ok? If you see me empty, fill me back up.”
The waitress looks at Tami and then back at Jada, smiling. “I'll see what I can do,” she says winking and walking away.
Jada chuckles watching her walk away then turns back to Tami. She shakes her head at the look on Tami's face. "I'm allowed more than just mindless flirting. Trust me on that," she says downing half of her drink. "Enough about me. What's going on with you these days?"
Tami smiles and holds up her left hand. "I got engaged a couple months back to a wonderful woman who seems to still be running late," she says looking towards the entrance.
"Yeah? That's great, Tami. Really great. I am honestly happy for you."
Tami nods, smiling. "Thanks, Jada. That means a lot to me."
Jada nods and finishes her 4th drink. "Just be sure you talk about EVERYTHING. If something's not quite right, talk about it or you just might find yourself right back here...just like me," she says holding up her empty glass to that waitress who immediately brings another.
"What the hell, Jada? You trying to get wasted so you can sleep with the enemy?" Dana asks looming over both of them at the table.
"Hello to you, too, Dana," Tami says sarcastically.
Dana glances at her then turns to Jada. "Let me get you a cab. I'll call Sara so she can..."
"She's done enough! I thought I told you earlier that I didn't need a babysitter. I did, didn't I? So back the fuck off!" Jada yells standing a bit unsteadily. Dana and Tami both move to help her. She smiles and shakes her head declining the help from Tami but jerks her arm away from Dana. "For your information... Tami isn't trying to sleep with me. She's happily engaged. I can't say the same for that waitress, though," she says and moves to sit in a cushioned chair closer to the bar.
Dana turns on Tami. "You're gonna take advantage of her like that?"
"Like she said, I'm happily engaged. I saw Jada sitting alone while waiting for my fiancée as if it's any of your business. Look it's obvious that she's mad at the world about something Sara did. Now would you rather her hang out with me or take that waitress into one of the back rooms?" Tami asks folding her arms.
Dana looks over at the waitress perched on the arm of Jada's chair and sighs. "They have kids, Tami. Just don't let her do something she'll regret tomorrow. She won't let me help."
Tami nods, smiling slightly. "I won't. Didn't you hear? I'm respectable now," she laughs going to join Jada.
Dana watches as Jada smiles up at Tami and shoos the waitress away for another drink. "Lord, I hope so."
Tami settles in next to Jada. "So, how did you get here? You and Dana come together?"
Jada snorts. "No. She followed me here," she says turning up the new drink.
Tami raises her brows and looks around. “You plan on driving back home?”
Jada stops mid drink and lowers the glass slowly. “Guess I should slow down, huh?”
Tami chuckles. “I think it might be too late, J.”
“I think you're right!” Jada exclaims and dissolves into giggles.
Tami shakes her head, smiling and looks over at the waitress motioning to cut her off. The waitress ignores her. Tami narrows her eyes and gets a different waitress's attention. “Can I get 2 bottled waters, please?” she asks motioning towards Jada. The waitress takes note of a still giggling Jada and nods in understanding. “Thanks. And can you have the manager get her tab from that waitress over there? She doesn't seem to want to do anything but bring more drinks.”
“You bet I can,” the waitress says walking away.
Jada's giggles slowly fade. She heard the conversation between Tami and the waitress but couldn't bring herself to even care. She watches Tami as her eyes go to the entrance once again and sees an enormous smile comes to her face. “Your woman must be here.”
Tami nods, never taking her eyes off of her fiancée. “Yeah, she is.”
Jada stands slowly. “Alright. Well, thanks for hanging out with me.”
Tami turns to her then, frowning slightly. “Where you going?”
“Home,” she says keeping her balance by holding onto her vacated seat. “At least now I think I can go to bed and not cry myself to sleep,” she says starting to stagger away.
Tami grabs her arm before she can get away. “Jada… I know the last thing you want right now is a babysitter, but I can't let you drive like this. I'm sorry.”
Jada gives her a crooked smile. “At least you care.”
“I always will, Jada. And I'm certain that Sara and those two angels of yours care, too,” Tami says in her ear. Jada drops her head, nodding. Tami sighs. “Let me drive you, ok?”
Jada looks at her then to the Hispanic woman approaching them. “What about your woman?”
Tami laughs. “Relax. She knows all about us.”
Jada smirks. “Then maybe I should get out of here while I still can.”
Tami slaps her arm, smiling. “Stop it.”
The Hispanic woman walks up and kisses Tami on the cheek. “Hey, baby.”
“Hey, you,” Tami says hugging her. “About time you got here.”
“I'm so sorry, honey. Work ran over. You know how it is. It's usually me waiting.”
Tami laughs. “I know. Baby, this is Jada Rollins. Jada, this is my fiancée Juana Delgado.”
Jada straightens a bit and extends her hand. “Nice to meet you.”
Juana takes her hand. “And to finally meet you,” she says giving her a once over very subtly.
Jada nods as she releases her hand and looks around for the exit. “Well… I'll leave you to it. Thanks again, Tami,” she says and starts for the exit still staggering slightly.
Tami looks at Juana, pleading with her eyes for her to understand. “Jada, wait,” she says going to her when she turned around. “Let me drive you home, ok? Please?” she asks holding her hands out for the keys.
Jada looks at Juana then back at Tami. “I'll be fine. Thanks, though,” she says turning away again.
Tami grabs her arm. “Please, Jada. If I let you walk out of here and something happens to you, I would never forgive myself. Just let me drive you home…for your girls' sake. Please,” she says holding her hand out again.
Jada takes her keys out of her pocket then looks at her. “How will you get back?”
Juana steps forward. “I'll follow you and bring her back.”
Tami smiles at her in gratitude then turns to Jada with raised brows. “Ok?”
Jada shrugs and hands over her keys. “If you insist…” she says and staggers towards the exit.
Tami hugs Juana and kisses her quickly. “Thank you,” she whispers then starts after Jada. She looks over, catching Dana's eye and holds up Jada's keys.
Dana nods and smiles her thanks.
Sara jumps up when she sees the headlights sweep across the living room window. She hadn't been able to sleep at all since Jada had been gone. She knew where she went and she knew why. And it hurt her down to her core to know that Jada may have been at that club showing affection to some other woman. She opens the front door and stops in her tracks when she sees the woman exit the drivers' side of Jada's car. Of all women, it had to be her? She watches as Tami goes around and opens the passenger side door and helps Jada out. She stands stock still as they reach the door. “Jada…”
Jada raises her head and looks at her with glassy eyes. She straightens up the best she can and leans over to kiss Tami's cheek. “Thank you again…for everything.”
Tami smiles up at her. “Anytime at all. You know how to find me.” Jada smiles at her then passes Sara without a word and goes into the house.
Sara turns to watch her stagger to their bedroom. She turns back to Tami with tears in her eyes and not caring. “Does it feel good to get me back? Do you even care that we have children together now?”
Tami narrows her eyes at her. “I'll ignore that considering how it all might look.”
“How it looks? She's been at that club obviously with you. Then you have the nerve to drive her back here in her car…”
Tami moves to stand in her face. “Now you wait just a minute. You're lucky she was with me at that club. She was getting hammered. She wouldn't let Dana be anywhere near her. You're lucky I spotted her before some other opportunistic female did. You're lucky I brought her home to you instead of some other girl taking her home with them.” Tami looks back at Juana sitting in her own car waiting for her. “You're lucky it isn't a year ago or else that girl would've been me. You're lucky my fiancée was woman enough to allow me to drive her home instead of letting her drive home drunk on her own. You're lucky she loves those girls so much. You're just so lucky.”
The tears Sara had been trying to hold in finally spill over.
“Listen… I know what your last memory of me is but I'm not that girl anymore. I'm engaged to a wonderful woman. My interests in Jada are innocent, I assure you. I just know that she's hurting really bad right now. So, whatever you did, you need to fix it.”
Sara shakes her head as her tears continue to fall. “She won't let me,” she says in a broken whisper.
Tami sighs and looks away from Sara's tears. “Then keep trying,” she implores. She shakes her head. “No matter how hard you think this is, keep trying. You fought like hell to get her. You gotta try even harder to keep her because next time Dana might not be there to watch over her and I may not be there to keep her company. Fight for her…for your family. Fix this .”
Sara watches as she goes and gets in the passenger seat of a waiting car. She even sees Tami lean over and kiss the driver before the headlights come on and blind her.
The next morning Jada wakes up with an excruciating headache. She contemplates staying in bed until she hears her girls laughing and playing. She gets up and showers then heads to the living room where her girls are.
“Moma!” they squeal and run to her.
She kneels and catches them both, grimacing. “Hi, babies,” she whispers and moves to the couch.
“Jada, are you hungry?” Sara asks quietly.
Jada glances up at her. “No.”
Sara watches her for a moment then kneels down in front of the girls. “Hey… How about I go and put a movie on for you guys?”
“Lion King, Mommy!” Ashton exclaims.
Sara cocks her head with a raised brow. “And? Did you ask your sister what she wanted to watch?”
Ashton looks down then at Emma who still hadn't said a word. She looks back at Jada who nods, smirking slightly. “Wanna watch Lion King, Sissy?” she asks Emma quietly. Emma nods, smiling shyly. Ashton smiles bright and looks up at Sara. “Can we, Mommy? Sissy said so too.”
Sara looks at her firstborn and quietest. “Would you like to watch The Lion King, Emma?” she asks softly. Emma nods again. Sara glances at Jada who is watching attentively despite the hangover. “I can't hear you, honey.”
Emma glances back at Jada then looks back up at Sara. “Can we watch Lion King, Mommy? Please?” she asks very quietly. Jada smiles proudly at the progress of both her girls.
Sara smiles and ruffles both girls' hair. “Yes you may,” she says standing. The girls yell excitedly and take off to the den as Jada falls backward groaning. Sara grimaces in sympathy. “Sorry. I'll bring you back some Tylenol,” she whispers and heads out of room.
After starting the DVD for the girls, she brings Jada two Tylenol and a glass of water. “Here you go.”
Jada cracks open a bloodshot grey eye to see Sara standing over her with water and pills. She sits up and takes the pills, draining all the water in the process. “Thank you,” she says softly.
“No problem,” Sara says quietly as she sits down next to her.
Jada closes her eyes again and sighs as she leans back. Here comes the third degree. Man, I really don't need this shit right now.
Sara looks down at her hands. “I know why you went to that club last night.” Jada opens her eyes and stares straight ahead. “Whatever happened… Let's just forget it and move on, ok?”
Jada narrows her eyes and looks over at her. “And just what is it that you think happened?”
“I don't know, Jada. Whatever it was, can we let it be even now?”
“What do you think happened?” Jada asks raising her voice.
“I don't know! Ok? All I know is that Tami brought you home drunk off your ass!”
“ Tami …was great to me last night. She's not the girl you used to know. And while I'm not gonna sit here and defend her or myself to you…she only sat and talked with me the entire time I was there until her fiancée showed up. And when I decided that I was gonna try to drive myself home drunk off my ass , she took my keys and brought me home and her fiancée followed us,” Jada says confirming the story Tami had told her. Jada stands wobbly and Sara looks up at her with ever-present tears in her eyes. Jada leans down to be in her face. “I may have been a lot of things in my past, but a cheater was never one of them. So, no, Sara… we are most definitely not even,” she says coldly and straightens up. Walking away, her anger wouldn't let her pause at all when the sound of Sara's tears reached her ears.
Jada pulls up to a darkened house a month later. She kills the engine on her car and leans back in the seat of her Mercedes sedan, sighing. The drawn out charity dinner had been bad enough on its own with worrying about a sick daughter on top of it. But having the mayor's married but separated daughter flirt outrageously and relentlessly with her had finally taken its toll and she ended up calling it an early night. She had called to check on Ashton's status every chance she got and she was sure Sara would call her if she got worse, but it still didn't stop her from worrying.
Sara. There was another subject that never strayed far from her mind. Being at that charity dinner alone when her family was at home was tough. She missed her family. She was as close as ever with the girls but she and her wife were still estranged. Sara was still sleeping in the girls' room and Jada still slept alone. She couldn't count how many nights she stood at the door to the girls' room and watched them all sleep. Her anger at Sara and even Dana had long since faded. And after replaying everything heading up to that awful day, she could no longer ignore her part in it. It didn't stop it from hurting, however, and that's what sent her to bed every night alone instead of making up with her wife because it was painfully obvious that Sara was just waiting on her.
She gets out of her car and goes quietly inside her home. Further inside, she sees Sara curled up on the couch asleep. She frowns and goes to stand next to her. She studies her sleeping face. God, she's so beautiful. She drops her head and shakes it sadly. She moved away to go to the girls' room unaware of the hazel set of eyes following her.
That's why she's on the couch. They're in separate beds tonight. She goes inside and kisses Emma's forehead. She then goes to the other bed and kneels next to Ashton. She moves fine dark hair off a flushed caramel cheek and leans down to kiss it. Getting better but still warm. Poor baby. She tucks her back in and kisses her forehead again before standing. She goes and makes sure Emma's tucked in as well before leaving out. She pauses as she passes the couch but continues on without stopping.
Several tears fall before hazel eyes finally slide closed. Sara curls onto her side, hugging herself in comfort. Will she ever forgive me? Maybe what I did was unforgiveable…but I won't give up. She's my whole life. I won't give up on us. I can't. But how am I supposed to win her back when she won't even acknowledge me? God I know I hurt her. I know I did. Jada's pain stricken face flashes in her mind's eye and she begins to sob. Oh, god… How could I do that to her?
Jada emerges from her room after her shower intent on checking in on Ashton one more time. She pauses at the door when she hears Sara crying. Her first thought was that something had happened with Ashton but she quickly dismissed that idea. Ashton was sick but not that sick. Tears come to her eyes at the heart-wrenching sobs and she decides right then and there that the hurting had gone on long enough. It was time to meet her halfway. She slowly goes and kneels next to the couch. “Sara?” In response, Sara only covers her face and cries harder. Jada tilts her head and gently removes Sara's hands from her face.
Teary hazel eyes meet teary grey. “Please don't give up…on me…Jada. Please. I'm so…sorry. I'll…do anything….to make it….right. Please…just tell me…what I need…to do…Please, Jada…” she pleads between sobs.
Jada wipes her tears away, shaking her head. “Don't cry. Please don't cry,” she whispers caressing her cheek.
“I love you, Jada…so much. I know I…made a mistake…but please…forgive me. I miss you so much…so much,” she whispers between shuddering breaths.
Jada nods and lowers her forehead to hers. “I miss you, too, Sara,” she whispers.
“I don't know what to do…to make it better. Please…just tell me.”
Jada shakes her head, using all her willpower to keep her tears in. “Shh. We'll talk about all of this. I promise. But not now, ok?” she says pulling away and standing.
Sara feels Jada pull away and stand, and closes her eyes against another rejection. She continues to feel Jada's presence in front of her and opening her eyes to see Jada's hand held out to her. “Wha-?”
Jada smiles tenderly. “Come to bed, Sara. You don't need to sleep on the couch.”
“I only put them in separate beds because Ash is sick…”
Jada nods, having already figured that out. “I know. Come on. It's ok.”
Sara studies her face and takes her hand. She smiles softly when Jada laces their fingers and leads her into their bedroom.
Jada's sitting at her desk the next morning thinking about the night before. She had laid awake long after Sara had fallen asleep just to watch her sleep. Finally having Sara sleeping next to her lifted some of the heaviness from her heart. She is contemplating the next step when a knock at the door interrupts her. “Come in,” she says still lost in thought.
“Jada?” a soft voice asks from still outside the now open door.
Jada's head snaps up at the voice of her wife. “Sara…hey. What are you doing here?”
“I-I took the girls out for lunch since Ashton was feeling better and we decided to stop by and bring you some,” she says holding up a sack from Jada's favorite deli.
Jada stands and goes around the desk to her. “Thank you,” she says softly.
Sara smiles softly and comes in. “No problem,” she says handing her the sack. “The girls have been kidnapped and are being shown off by their godmother at the moment.”
Jada chuckles and sits on the front of her desk as Sara takes a seat in front of her. “Leave it to, Dana.” Sara chuckles, watching amusedly as Jada dives into her food. She looks at Sara and blushes slightly. “Sorry about that. I didn't realize how hungry I was…plus this is my favorite.”
“I know, Jada. It's ok,” Sara says softly. Jada continues to eat, nodding. Even though they slept in the same bed last night, Sara wasn't sure if it was because Jada wanted it or because she pitied her. “Um…Dana said she was gonna bring them here when she was done. Is it ok if I wait here? I mean, I could wait in the lobby…” she says looking away.
Jada stops eating and wipes her mouth. “Sara,” she says softly. Sara looks up at her. “It's fine if you wait here. She said she was bringing them by here anyway.”
Sara nods, looking down at her hands. “Ok.” Jada nods, deciding to leave the deep talk for later and continues to eat her food. “I was wondering what you wanted for dinner.”
Jada looks at her and tilts her head. She's trying. “I dunno. I'm sure whatever you decide will be delicious.”
Sara looks up and catches her eye. “So, you will be there?” she asks, hope filling her voice.
Jada nods. “I'll be there,” she says softly. Sara smiles shyly then looks at her hands. Jada smiles to herself. Just then she hears multiple knocks from multiple hands at her door. “Sounds like the midgets have arrived,” she says going to the door with Sara laughing behind her. “Who is it?” she asks through the door.
“Me, Moma!” Ashton yells through the door.
Jada chuckles. “Who else is it?”
“Me, too, Moma!” Emma yells a little softer.
“Anybody else?” Jada asks to Sara's continued amusement.
“Me, three, Moma!” Dana chuckles.
Jada laughs and opens the door. “You're an idiot,” she says laughing. Dana shrugs smiling and goes inside her office as Jada bends down and scoops up both girls in her arms. “How are my babies?” she asks taking them over to the couch to sit.
Dana watches as Sara watches them interact. She sits next to her in the other chair. “How's it going?” she asks softly.
Sara tears her eyes away then looks at Dana. “As good as can be expected, I suppose. She doesn't hate me.”
Dana shakes her head. “No she doesn't.”
Sara sighs. “I can't imagine how I would feel if I were in her shoes. It would devastate me to think she didn't want our life together anymore.”
“Just give her more time, Sara.”
“I'm trying…so hard.”
“Just be patient, Sara. You owe her that,” Dana says softly.
Sara nods and meets her gaze. “You're right. I do.” She's reluctant to tell her that they had shared a bed last night for fear of getting her own hopes up to high.
There's another knock at Jada's office door. “Come in,” she calls out.
The door opens and a tall, slim redhead stands at the door. “Uh…Jada?” the redhead asks taking in all of the people in her office.
Jada looks up. Uh oh… “Hey, Megan. How can I help you?”
Dana leans over to Sara. “You're gonna have to watch out for that one. The word around the hospital is that she wants Jada bad.” Sara nods and narrows her eyes, watching the girl approach Jada and her daughters.
Megan looks over at Dana and a blonde that she hadn't seen before. She looks back at Jada and smiles at the little girls. One who bears a striking resemblance to Jada and the other resembling the blonde sitting next to Dana. “Who do we have here?”
Jada smiles and looks down at the girls. “These are my daughters. This is Emma and this is Ashton,” she says with pride.
Megan's smile is forced as she looks at them. Daughters? As in plural? “I just came by…I know you've been working really hard lately and I thought that I'd come by and see if I could convince you to have lunch with me today.”
Jada glances over at Sara and Dana. She chuckles internally at the outraged look on Dana's face. She then notices Sara staring at her clenched fists. Any other time, Sara would've already put this girl in her place, but Jada realized that Sara didn't know her place now and she hadn't said a word. I guess I need to let everyone know their place then. She clears her throat. “Thanks for the offer, Megan, but my wife already brought me lunch,” she says loud enough for Sara to hear.
Sara's head snaps up at that declaration. She looks into Jada's eyes to determine the sincerity of that statement. Jada smiles softly and motions her over with her head. Sara stands and looks back at a grinning Dana as she makes her way over.
“Your wife? I didn't… I didn't know you were married,” Megan stuttered.
“Yeah, I am. With kids!” Jada exclaims tickling both girls causing them to squeal and squirm.
Sara watches them smiling then turns to Megan. “Sara Rollins, Jada's wife,” she says extending her hand.
Megan takes it numbly. “Megan Carter.”
“Are you new?” Sara asks tilting her head.
“I started 6 months ago. I work on the telemetry floor.”
“Oh. Do you like it here? The retention rate is really high. I'd swear I've seen the same nurses working here all 5 of the years that Jada and I have been married,” Sara says smiling sweetly.
Jada catches Dana's eye and winks. Subtle. That's my girl.
Megan's eyes widen slightly. 5 years? Damn it! Oh well. “I love it here actually. My boss is pretty awesome.”
Sara smiles and sits next to Jada who looks at her, smiles softly and puts her arm around her. “Yeah, she is,” she says softly.
Megan fidgets then sighs. “I'll leave you to your beautiful family, Jada. Sorry to interrupt,” she says turning away.
“No problem. Thanks again for the offer,” Jada says still looking at Sara.
Megan turns to see them staring at each other. She rolls her eyes, shaking her head as she leaves out. Why are all the good ones taken?
Dana goes over to them, smiling. “Who wants candy?”
“Me!” the twins answer simultaneously.
“Well, come on. Nurse Baxter keeps the good stuff behind her desk in Pedi,” Dana says taking both of their hands as they scramble off of Jada's lap. “We won't be too long, ok?”
Jada tears her gaze away from Sara to look up at Dana. “Take your time,” she says softly.
Dana smiles at her then winks at a wide-eyed Sara. “Come on girls,” she says herding them out the door.
Jada watches them leave then turns back to Sara who's watching her with a mix of anxiousness and anticipation. “I meant what I said to her, Sara. You are my wife. We're trying to fix us, right?” Sara nods as tears fill her eyes. “Then I'll tell you right now that I am not interested in that nurse or anybody else, ok? You are my wife.” Sara's tears overflow listening to Jada's words. Jada notices them and the trembling in her body. She sighs. “Come here,” she says holding out her arms. Sara moves into here embrace and when Jada's arms close around her holding her tight, the dam breaks. Jada just holds her close as her own tears fall.
“I'm so sorry, Jada,” Sara chokes out through her tears.
“I know. I'm sorry, too,” she says softly.
Sara takes a deep shuddering breath as she calms down but doesn't move from Jada's embrace. “Why are you sorry?”
Jada sighs and shakes her head. “It's time for me to own up to my part in all of this. I neglected you. I should've saved some time for you instead of giving it all to the girls. You needed me too and I wasn't there.”
Sara squeezes her tighter. “I did need you but that doesn't excuse what I did. I should've talked to you about it.”
“I wish you had,” Jada whispers.
Sara pulls back to look into teary grey eyes. She wipes her tears away. “I won't make the same mistake twice,” she says softly.
Jada closes her eyes and lowers her forehead to Sara's. “Promise me.”
Sara touches her cheek causing grey eyes to open and focus on hazel ones. “I promise,” she whispers and leans in slowly giving Jada a chance to pull away if she wanted. She hesitates a breath away from Jada's lips and when she doesn't make a move to pull away, she closes the remaining distance to kiss her soft
Jada closes her eyes as new tears overflow at the tenderness of the kiss. Her arms hold Sara closer as she responds to the kiss. How I've missed this…
Sara sobs softly as she feels Jada's arm encircle her as she responds to her and her own tears soon match Jada's. She continues to kiss her lovingly and tenderly. When the kiss finally ends, she lowers her forehead back to Jada's. “I love you, Jada. I miss you so much.”
Jada buries her face in Sara's neck and holds her tight. “I miss you too. We'll get it back, Sara. We're making progress.”
Sara chuckles and sniffles. “I'll say!” she jokes.
Jada chuckles and squeezes her once more before pulling away. Sara wipes her tears away. Jada smiles and returns the favor. “We should go find the girls. There's no telling what Dana has them into,” she says standing and offering her hand.
They find the girls entertaining the nurses on the pediatric wing. As usual, when they notice their parents, they drop everything and run to them. Emma latching onto Jada's leg and Ashton's onto Sara's.
Dana walks up, smiling. “I should take these girls on the road. I'd make a killing off the cute factor alone!”
Sara laughs and slaps at her. “You will not exploit my children.” Jada chuckles running her fingers through Emma's hair.
Dana laughs. “Oh, come on! You'd get your cut!” she exclaims. She throws her hands up. “Fine. Fine. See if I try to bring you two in on any of my other business ventures.”
“Dana…go away,” Jada says laughing and pushing her. Dana walks away laughing. She shakes her head and turns back to Sara. “She's crazy.”
Sara rubs Ashton's back. “Yeah, but we're stuck with her.”
Jada sighs. “Yeah, I guess so.”
Sara chuckles then sobers. “I should get the girls home and down for their nap. I know you probably have to get back to work.”
Jada nods. “Ok.” She kneels and hugs both girls to her. “I'll see you later, ok? Be good for Mommy.” She stands and looks down at Sara who moves into her arms. Jada hugs her close with their girls latching back onto their legs. “We'll get there,” she whispers.
Sara nods into her neck. “I'll try my hardest if you will.”
Jada holds her tighter. “I will. I promise.”
Sara pulls away and kisses Jada quickly before she talked herself out of it. “I love you. See you at home.”
“Okay,” she says softly. She watches as Sara grabs both girls' hands and leads them away. Both girls turn to wave with their free hands. She waves back, smiling as she watches the sway of her wife's hips. She takes a deep breath and shakes her head, chuckling.
Dana walks up, smiling at her. “Well well well…”
Jada rolls her eyes and looks at her with a raised brow. “Yes?”
“Can't I just be happy for you?” Dana asks innocently. Jada raises the other brow and waits. Dana looks around then steps closer to Jada. “So what exactly went on in that office when we left?”
Jada shakes her head, smiling. “Wouldn't you like to know?”
“Whatever it was must've been good judging from that little goodbye she gave you.”
Jada nods. “We're trying is all I can say.”
“Good for you, Jada. Good for all of you,” Dana says seriously.
“I hope so.”
Jada's packing up her office to go home when she hears familiar giggles outside her office door. She cocks her head and moves towards the sound. When she opens her door, she sees both of her daughters nearing her door with Dana's girlfriend Leslie leading them.
Emma's the first one to notice her and runs the rest of the way to her. “Moma!”
Jada bends down to scoop her up into her arms and quickly switches her to the left side in order to catch a leaping Ashton in her right. Geez. My daughter's gonna be a stuntwoman. She laughs and kisses both of their cheeks. “Hi, babies! What're you doing here? Where's Mommy?”
“Mommy at home,” Ashton answers.
“Home?” Jada asks. A fair head and a dark head nod simultaneously. Jada looks at Leslie as she approaches. “What's going on? Is something wrong? Is Sara ok?”
“She's fine. She's fine,” Leslie says holding up her hands.
“Ok…then why do you have the girls?”
Leslie looks around and decides to take the conversation somewhere more private. “Can we go in your office?”
Jada frowns confusedly but acquiesces. “Sure. Come on.” She lets the girls down to play and closes the door behind Leslie. “Ok. What's going on? Where's Sara?”
“She's at home…waiting for you. She asked Dana and me if we could watch the girls overnight to give you two some time together.”
Jada raises her brows in surprise. “Really? Hmm…” she muses to herself as she perches on the edge of her desk.
Leslie flicks her brows. “She also asked me to bring them by here first so that if you weren't comfortable with the idea, you could just bring them home with you.”
Jada glances at her then looks over at their girls. Decision time, huh? Who the hell am I kidding? The decision was made earlier when she kissed me. “Ashton? Emma? Come here to Moma for a second.” She kneels down in front of them, smiling. “Ok, listen. I want you two to be really good girls for Aunt Dana and Aunt Leslie, ok?” Both girls nod. Jada looks up at Leslie who has her head turned trying to hide a smile. She looks back at her girls and leans in conspiratorially. “But you have my permission to run them ragged! You can have hot fudge sundaes before bed and make Aunt Dana read you a story as many times as it takes after all that chocolate until you fall asleep! Ok?!”
“Yeah!” both girls yell bouncing up and down.
“Lord help us,” Leslie says shaking her head.
Jada laughs and stands. “Thank you…for doing this. We really need it.”
Leslie smiles and shrugs. “Well, it's the least I could do. If it weren't for you and Sara, Dana and I wouldn't be together right now.”
Jada nods. “She sure can be stubborn when she wants to be.”
Leslie chuckles. “Birds of a feather and all that…”
Jada rolls her eyes, smiling. “Touché.”
“Where are my midgets?!?” Dana exclaims coming through the door.
“Aunt Dana!” they yell and run to her.
She picks them both up and carries them like footballs over to Leslie and Dana. “So, we having a sleepover tonight or what?”
“Sundaes!” Ashton exclaims as they both squirm and giggle in her grasp. She looks up at Dana in question.
Jada smirks. “Of the hot fudge variety…right before bed,” she says amused by the increasing size of Dana's eyes.
Dana drops her head and shakes it. “Lord help us.”
Leslie laughs. “My sentiments exactly.”
Dana shrugs, smiling. “Well, let's blow this popsicle stand and get this show on the road!”
“You are a nut but I love you,” Leslie says smiling.
Dana leans over and kisses her. “I love you, too. So, we ready?” she asks the girls and looks up at Leslie who nods. “Alright. Give Moma a kiss.”
Jada kneels back down and both girls kiss her on the cheek. “Be good,” she says and stands. “See you tomorrow.”
“Morning or afternoon?” Dana asks wiggling her brows.
Jada smiles mischievously. If things go my way… “Let's aim for the afternoon, shall we?”
Sara is sitting at the kitchen table anxiously awaiting the arrival of Jada and possibly her girls. If she brings them home, it'll be ok. I'll just give her more time. She pulls the necklace out of her shirt with Jada's wedding band on it. She has worn it every day since the day after Jada caught her with a coworker and left her. She had watched as Jada took off her wedding band and dropped it to the pavement of the parking lot, effectively ending their marriage. After shaking off her shock, Sara had picked the ring up and took it with her. It wasn't until the next day, after a night of crying her eyes out and leaving sorrowful voicemails on Jada's cell phone, did she even realize she still had it. So she put it on a necklace and vowed to keep it next to her at all times until the day Jada decided she wanted it back.
When she hears Jada's key in the lock, her heart nearly leaps into her throat. She stands on shaky legs and walks to where she can see the entryway.
Jada spots her immediately upon entering. She smiles at her and comes in fully to close the door behind her. She didn't miss Sara's glance to the space behind her. “Hi,” she says sitting down her briefcase and keys.
Sara swallows and smiles, shakily. “Hi. You..uh…you saw the girls?”
Jada nods and walks up to her. “Yeah, I saw them. They're excited about having hot fudge sundaes before bed tonight at Dana's,” she says stopping in front of her.
Sara looks up at her. “So, they're spending the night then?”
Jada just smiles and leans down to kiss her lips tenderly. “Dinner smells delicious,” she whispers against her mouth then kisses her once more before backing away. She chuckles silently at Sara's still closed eyes. “I'm just gonna take a quick shower, ok?”
Sara exhales and opens her eyes. “Ok. It'll be ready.”
Jada winks at her and goes into bedroom. Sara watches her the whole way with a slow smile spreading across her face.
Jada sits back from the table and looks at her wife. Sara had become quiet and distant as the dinner progressed. She barely spoke at all. “Dinner was delicious.”
Sara smiles at the compliment and stands to gather the used dishes. “I'm glad you liked it.”
Jada watches her and accepts her distance for what it is. Nervousness. I can't let her shut down now. We have to move past this. She gets up quietly and moves behind her. When she slips her arms around Sara's waist, Sara freezes. Jada leans forward to whisper in her ear. “It's just me. You don't have to be nervous.”
Sara looks down and places her hands over Jada's. “Not nervous. Scared…that you'll change your mind about all of this any second now.”
Jada sighs and loosens her grip and Sara turns around to look up at her. Jada shakes her head. “I can understand how that would worry you, but I wouldn't lead you on like that. If I wasn't ready, I wouldn't let you think that I was,” she says fiddling with Sara's necklace. Sara nods in understanding. Jada studies the necklace. “Why do you always wear this?”
“You gave it to me,” Sara says quietly.
“That's why? I've given you a lot of jewelry. Why this particular necklace?”
“It was the only one long enough to hide under my shirt.”
Jada frowns in confusion. “Why do you need to hide it?”
Sara looks up into her eyes and touches her cheek tenderly. Jada cocks her head in question. “You really wanna know?”
Jada nods, smiling mischievously. She reaches for the top button of Sara's shirt and unbuttons it. Sara closes her eyes and swallows hard as Jada continues to unbutton her shirt all the way down. Only then does she move it aside to see the necklace. And when she does, tears spring to her eyes. She reaches out and gently takes her wedding band into her hand. “You kept it. I thought it was gone,” she whispers looking into Sara's eyes.
“I- I picked it up right after you left. I put in on this necklace the next day and haven't taken it off since,” she says quietly.
Jada bites her lip as tears escape her eyes. She takes a shuddering breath and pushes Sara's shirt off of her shoulders. Sara's watching as Jada's tears continue to fall the entire time. Jada then reaches around Sara's neck and unhooks the necklace. She lets the ring slide down the necklace to land in her palm. “When I took this off, I thought our marriage was over. I went back to look for it after coming back home but I knew it was long gone. I never suspected that you had it,” she says, her voice shaking.
“It was the only thing I had for a long time.”
Jada nods as her tears continue to fall. “I know. But I'm here now,” she says looking into Sara's eyes. “I'm here and I forgive you and I love you…and all I want is for you to put it back on me and for it to mean just as much as it did the first time,” she says softly and earnestly.
Hearing those words she had been waiting forever to hear, Sara bursts into tears. I forgive you. I love you. She tries to compose herself but her tears continue to fall as those words replay in her head over and over again. She shakily reaches for the ring in Jada's palm, takes her left hand and replaces the wedding band on her finger. She raises Jada's hand to her lips and kisses it. “I prayed for this. I had hoped… I wished every day that you could love me again.”
Jada takes her in her arms and lowers her forehead to Sara's. “I never stopped, Sara. I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, Jada,” she whispers as Jada leans down to kiss her. She wraps her arms around Jada and holds her tight as the kiss progresses into a deeper, more passionate one. The both pull away breathless. Sara looks into darkened grey eyes and smiles, knowingly. Oh yeah. God, I missed that look. “So, are you just gonna keep me topless in the kitchen all night or what?” she jokes. Because I don't think I can wait much longer.
Jada chuckles and stoops to pick up a squealing Sara who wraps her legs around her waist. “You'll be doing something all night, but standing here topless is definitely not it,” she says carrying her toward the bedroom.
Sara lets out a delighted sigh. “Can't wait.”
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