General Copyright Disclaimers

Characters and backstory of Xena: Warrior Princess are the property of Renaissance/MCA/Studios USA.  This story is not meant to infringe upon their rights.  This story was not written for monetary gain.  Anything not copyrighted to the above mentioned parties is copyrighted to me.  If you wish to archive or link this story, please contact me.

Content Disclaimers

This story is rated R for implied sex.

This story contains themes and descriptions of a loving, sexual relationship between two consenting adult women.  This story is intended for a mature audience with an open mind.  If it is illegal for you to read this story for any reason at all, please close this web page and find something that is legal for you to read.

Author's Note

I think I was inspired to write this by circumstances better left to the imagination.  

No eels were actually harmed during the production of this fanfic, however, several have filed a grievance with their union steward.


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A Bucket of Eels

Copyright July 25, 1998

Night had fallen and the forest was bathed in weak moonlight. Evening insects sang and courted one another in time's endless cycle of life. Suddenly, the normal forest sounds were drowned out by a spine-tingling scream.

"Kick the bucket!"

Another scream rang through the chilled air.

"Again, again!"

Under the blanket, Gabrielle was sweating profusely. Her labored breathing accelerated when another charge pushed her closer to the edge. Her hands convulsed, grasping handfuls of dark raven hair and she trembled. "Again! Kick the bucket, Xena," she pleaded.

The warrior complied and lashed out with her foot. The contact she made with the bucket caused the bard's body to raise and hold taut. A final piercing scream pierced the otherwise still evening.

Xena rolled off her satiated lover and crawled the short distance to the bucket she had been kicking. Her brow furrowed in disturbed thought. "I'm beginning to think that you like this more than you like me," she mumbled.

"What," Gabrielle asked as she pushed herself to her elbows and regarded the brooding woman.

The warrior cleared her throat and ducked her head. "You like this more than you like me," she repeated.

"Oh, no, Xena. I love you. I'm just so excited that you thought this up. I mean, I thought flying parchment was a stroke of genius, but this," she said as she touched the bucket, "was a true gift."

Xena snorted as she kicked the bucket. The phallus she held in her hand vibrated with less intensity than it had earlier in the evening. "You like it so much that we're going through a dozen of electric eels every night. I can't keep up with that pace," she complained. "Every day, I have to find more for you. And I know Argo doesn't like hauling around a bucket full of fish."

Gabrielle sighed as she began to coil the pounded copper that attached the phallus to the bucket. "Well," she pouted slightly, "if it upsets you that much, I suppose we could stop using it."

Disconnecting the copper from the iron rod imbedded into the phallus, Xena scowled. She tossed the toy to their bedroll and caught Gabrielle's hands with her own. "Look, I'm glad that you enjoy I did make it for you. I just wanted to please you."

The bard's eyes widened in surprise. "Xena, I was happy before you made me that vibrating thingy. I love you and you love me. That alone is enough to satisfy me."

The warrior quirked a disbelieving brow. "That isn't what you were saying a moment ago."

A blush stole over the fair bard's features as she scooted closer to her lover. "Xena, please."

"I just wanted to make sure that you wouldn't get bored...that our lovemaking wouldn't become predictable. But it has. Every day, I catch more eels and every night, you scream for me to kick the bucket. I'm beginning to think that you don't even need me."

"How about if I use it on you," the bard asked as she began to unroll the copper, eager to share the delight of their new toy.

"Gabrielle, you've worn them out. I think one even died," she remarked as she carefully reached into the bucket. She pulled out an eel that had been floating on the surface.

"Well, how about tomorrow, then?"

Xena's eyes saddened when she looked at the bard. She crossed to the fire and began to clean the eel for their dinner. "No, I just want you."

Gabrielle closed her eyes to think and she sighed. "You're right. I guess it was good while it lasted." She stood and joined her lover by the fire. Wrapping her arms around the warrior's unyielding body, she kissed a sensitive spot below Xena's ear. "No more electric eels, no more vibrating thingy," she promised. "From now on, it'll just be you and me making love."

"Are you sure," Xena asked, fearing that she was disappointing the younger woman.

Squeezing the warrior tighter, the bard inhaled the scents of leather and sweat. "I'm sure. There are other things we can do," she said as she considered the possibilities. Her bardic mind painted for her several that caused her breathing to quicken. "Just how good are you with your whip," she pondered aloud.

Xena merely bowed her head. She sighed and looked over her shoulder to Gabrielle who had moved away from the embrace. The bard was deep in thought and her hands began to trace patterns on her own body. Abandoning the eel she had been cleaning, the warrior answered her rising need. "Whips, huh," she breathed heavily into her lover's ear as they tumbled to their bedroll. "What about chains," she asked as her tongue tasted the bard's bottom lip. "I could tie you up and take you slowly, making you beg for release."

Gabrielle trembled under the heavy seduction of Xena's words. "Gods, yes! Don't stop talking, Xena!"

So, as the night passed and dawn came, Gabrielle nudged her exhausted lover. "Xena, tell me again. This sex talk is even better than the bucket of eels."

Xena groaned and rolled away from the bard. With a grunt, she wrapped herself tighter in a cocoon of fur. "Dammit," she muttered. "Whatever happened to good old-fashioned simple sex?"


The End

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