DISCLAIMERS: Most of these characters belong to TV people. Dori, and the
characterizations of the folks in this story belong to Missy Good. No disrespect or
copyright infringement is intended, no money is being made. If you want to send money,
send it to Missy for the March of Dimes babywalk.
FAKE UPDATE WARNING: This is a FAKE UPDATE. No real Merwolfs were
involved in the creation of this story.
SUBTEXT WARNING: Oh so minor. Nothing physical, sorry. Babies make you
too tired.
VIOLENCE WARNING: The only violence is the assault on Pony’s ego.
LEATHER TEETHING RING: A leather teething ring to Laur(acy) for her
assistance in editing.
Eponin settled into the rhythm of the run. The air was getting cooler, ruffling the light
tunic that Ephiny had insisted she wear. The baby, strapped securely in the backpack, was
over dressed by equally over-protective aunts with layers of sweaters. They had tried to
keep Dori’s regular routine, dividing up the activities. She’d volunteered for
baby jogging duty, though she doubted her sanity now as Dori tugged on her hair and
yelled, “Boo!” and the ever present wolf ran in and out of her legs tripping her
up. After a few misunderstandings which had resulted in a pouting princess and a sore
head, Pony had jumped a ditch to avoid falling over Ares. Dori had chortled her approval
and repeated her name for Xena again in an affirming tone. After that their runs had
included leaps and jumps and at Dori’s insistence, Pony had progressed into full
flips that left Dori giggling. Pony picked up the pace and shook her head in wry humour.
It figured. Xena’s kid would love to fly.
Dori never walked anywhere, the regent reflected. She ran. Weight forward, balanced over
the balls of her feet. The same way Xena moved. Always ready. Gabrielle had a more relaxed
stride, well, at least the heels of her feet touched the ground. Though those feet usually
led them all into trouble. Why did this little one have to combine the most troublesome
traits of her parents??? They were off on a small adventure, and if she knew Gabrielle, it
would turn into a big one. Oh well, at least her friends were getting to be on the road
alone with each other again.
“Ack!!!” Her musing had made her lose a step on the racing toddler and Dori now
had the chicken coop open and was running through the frightened birds with arms over her
head yelling. The chickens took the hint and scattered. Ares ran to help Dori scatter
them, liking this new game. After a few attempts to stop the chicken stampede, Ephiny gave
up, sitting down amid the swirling feathers and laughing. Dori ran around the coop once
more, then, arms still overhead leaped onto Eph, her face full of delight. She hugged Eph
hard and chattered her glee, charming her protector. Ares romped over and licked both Eph
and Dori’s faces, causing Dori to sputter and giggle even more. Eph ruffled her
charge’s hair saying, “Ah Dori, how can someone so good be so bad!!!” Dori
stared hard at her, a stern look replacing the smiles, “Dood.”
“What??? Dood?” Dori smiled and grabbing Ares by the fur, started racing off
after the nearest chicken, “aaaaiiaiiaaiiiaaaiiia” Oh gods, Ephiny thought as
she chased after her, she’s trying to do The Yell.
Dori looked so angelic asleep. Hard to imagine one little girl could cause so much
trouble. Ephiny gently brushed soft black locks back from her face and rose from her chair
by the cradle. Her mothers had only been gone a week, but the amazon nannies were already
bone tired. Eph and Pony had decided to stay in the Inn instead of the cabin and had moved
Dori in with them. Dori spent half the nights with her Grandma anyway and this way help
was always nearby. Eph had finally managed to put her down for a nap and was now easing
herself out of the room, so as not to wake the little amazon princess. She shook her head
thinking her son was never this energetic and he was a centaur, for Zeus’ sake.
She entered the main room of the tavern and quickly spied Pony leaning back in a chair,
eyes closed, with her feet up on the table. A mug of ale, undrunk, curled in one hand. As
she got closer she could hear the soft snoring that told her the exhausted Pony was out
cold. She quietly walked around the room and retrieved toys from the various places Dori
had flung them, placing them back in a wooden box near the hearth. One of the patrons held
up a leather teething ring that had apparently landed in his stew. Eph retrieved that as
well thinking it ironic that Dori was so good at throwing it and had never even seen a
chakram. She wiped up the remains of Dori’s lunch from the table and floor, opting to
leave all the bits that Pony was wearing on her rather than wake her. Picking up the
dishes, she carried them to the kitchen and found the baby’s grandmother setting up
for another round of meals at dinner. “My angel asleep?” Cyrene asked glancing
up from the dough at the weary regent auntie.
“Finally,” sighing she set the dishes down and turned towards the Inn Keeper.
“Cyrene, how can someone so little run us so ragged? Just this morning she climbed
into the water trough, let the chickens out of the hen house, pulled out every one of
Gabrielle’s scrolls, spilled ink on Pony’s best leathers, and pulled the hair on
little Xe so hard she left a bald patch. And that was with either Pony or I with her every
minute!”
“Xena was the same way. Dori’s got a more peaceful way about her, doesn’t
sulk as much. But they both are fast on their feet and have mischief in their eye.
Probably cause they’re both too smart for their own good.” she said proudly.
“Artemis help us. Any advice??”
“Well, she’s napping....Enjoy it while you can.”
Pony woke to Ephiny’s swearing and slamming the door. She bolted up, dropping her
feet to the floor and threw up her hands defensively, tossing the forgotten ale into her
own face. “Argh, Centaur’s balls, Eph, what’s going on??” She
sputtered as she shook the ale from her head and stood, bristling, now fully awake. She
glared around the room at the tavern’s patrons, wondering who had been foolish enough
to throw ale in a warrior’s face. The diners closest to her were staring at their
plates, the colour draining from their faces. Those farther away were hiding giggles
behind their hands and trying not to choke on food half swallowed. Ephiny rushed by on her
way to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “She’s gone!!” “Who,
what’s going on?” she yelled chasing after her frantic companion. “The
baby?? You lost the baby???” They rushed into the kitchen together and announced the
terrible news to Cyrene. “She’s gone, Cyrene. Her cradle is empty and I
can’t find her anywhere. We’re going to need to get everyone and search for her.
Pony, you start tracking incase whoever took her didn’t cover their tracks.”
Cyrene, who hadn’t looked up from the bread she was kneading asked softly, “Did
you check the top of the tallest tree out back?”
“No, I...” Ephiny ran out the back door of the Inn to the tree in question. As
she got close she saw a bit of bright blue up near the top. As she got under the tree and
could see Dori high in the branches, she felt an acorn bounce off her head.
“Ow,” she growled, as relief sweep through her and she began to climb.
Cyrene looked over at the dripping warrior, “What happened to you?? Dori get you
again?” Pony growled and complained, “No, some idiot out there with more balls
than brains threw ale in my face while I was asleep.” Cyrene, stepped over to the
woman covered in leather, bits of baby food and wet feathers. She reached down and took
the mug still gripped in a tense hand, “^You drink this??”
“No, I, uh..” A blush started up Pony’s neck, “Ah, baby poop, Cyrene.
Not one word!!” Cyrene looked up with an eyebrow raised^ and a teasing smile, then
turned back to her bread chuckling. Another mystery solved.
With Dori clapping happily in her arms, Eph re-entered the kitchen. “Ok Cyrene, how
did you know? She was almost at the top and pelting the livestock with acorns.”
“Where do you think I always found Xena? She was half monkey that one, and looks like
this one is too.” Cyrene smirked proudly at her granddaughter and dabbed flour on her
nose, while Ephiny groaned, and rolled her eyes, thinking about the long weeks ahead
before her mothers returned. “Come here my love,” crooned Cyrene. Dori happily
kicked her legs, nailing Ephiny in the ribs and threw herself into her grandmother’s
arms. The regent clutched her sore ribs knowing she had another bruise to add to the
collection. She watched as Cyrene kept up a steady stream of chatter to the intently
listening toddler she carried on one hip while stirring the contents of a pot.
Ephiny pulled her damp lover outside, “What happened to you?”
Pony scowled, “Don’t ask.”
Ephiny smiled knowing there must be a story in there, but also knowing she wasn’t
going to get it from the woman dripping before her. Perhaps she could bribe one of the
servers in the tavern later. Pony caught the speculative look on Ephiny's face and began
to do rapid calculations of how many people she was going to need to bribe and intimidate
to keep Eph from hearing about her “accident.”
“So, what are we going to do?” she asked trying to distract her partner from
pursuing that particular line of questioning.
“Admitting defeat, Ms Too-Tough-for-Her-Leathers?” Eph teased. Pony had refused
to send back to the Nation for an honour guard and nannies, adamant that she and Ephiny
could do anything Xena and Gabrielle could do. It was only a baby, she’d
insisted.
“I’m not going to tell my warriors I couldn’t handle a toddler!! And I am
definitely not going to give Xena the satisfaction of knowing I can’t even keep up
with her daughter. Talk about losing my edge!” the dark warrior looked at the ground
and pondered her options.
Eph backhanded her across the abs, “Quit whining, love. I’ve got a plan.”
Pony looked suspicious but slightly cheered and Eph continued. “I think we need
shifts of babysitters. Two at a time, 8 shifts. But we don’t want them to know we
can’t handle her, so we’ll tell them it’s a project for the Queen..”
Pony sighed in relief, “What do you have in mind??”
“I was looking over some of Xena’s drawings of things she’s been designing,
improvements she’s been planning for around here. I think we can bring in enough
amazons to build her running water thing. She’s got a drawing of a dammed in spring,
up on the hill, and lengths of bamboo fitted together running down to the house. She drew
this little thing to turn at the end to block the flow. Pretty neat.”
“Brilliant, Eph! We might live through this!! I’ll go get a runner to send back
to the village. I’m gonna get the honour guard too.” In a restored mood, Pony
dunked her head in the nearby trough and jogged away to find a messenger.
Ephiny poked her head back inside, calling to Cyrene, “Here let me take her. I’m
going to walk up to the spring on the hill and look it over. We’re thinking of
building one of Xena’s projects.” Cyrene handed over the smiling child, giving
her a kiss, “Be good little one.”
“Dood!” yelled Dori happily, and waved bye-bye to her grandma from Eph’s
arms. Once outside, Dori wiggled until her aunt put her down. She took off running,
looking over her shoulder to see if Eph was chasing her, and giggled that she was. Eph
scooped her up on the run, swinging her in a high arc. “Gotcha!! You little
rascal.” To which Dori laughed wildly. She squirmed til Eph put her down again, and
repeated the game til they were half-way up the hill. Eph put Dori down again and stopped
to catch her breath as the princess “hid” behind a tree. Ephiny crept up to the
tree and peeked around the trunk at the hunkered down toddler. Dori squealed and leaped up
at her, delighted that she had lured Eph over to look for her, “Cha!” she
yelled. Eph laughed out loud. “Oh you did, did ya? You got me?? You got me you little
rascal?” as she tickled the princess and blew raspberries on her tummy. They fell in
a heap of laughing amazon royalty, Dori laying on Ephiny’s chest. Once recovered,
they continued to the spring. Ephiny dropped Dori’s hand long enough to kneel down
and look at the source of the spring, planning where to start the pipes. She heard The
Yell (aaaiiaiaiii) ending in a splash. Panicked, she dove after Dori, cursing herself for
looking away from this energetic child for even a breath of time. Dori, however, was
stroking herself through the water, cheeks puffed out holding her breath. Eph lifted her
to the surface, kicking for shore. Dori blinked the water from her eyes and gave Eph a
startled look, then squealed with glee and continued to kick her legs, whacking her
protector in the nose. Eph saw stars, but managed to get them to the bank. Lying on her
back, gasping for air, she kept a firm grip on the toddler bouncing on her stomach.
“Oh yeah, we need a legion of amazons, yup. Dori, Warrior Tadpole. The Nation will
never know what hit ‘em.”
Muddy and bruised, the regent heaved her charge up onto her shoulders and headed back down
at a brisk walk. When they neared the compound, Dori yelled to get down and ran over to
her home, patting the cabin door. “Mamma, Mamma.” Ephiny opened the door and let
Dori in to see that no one was home. She picked her up, saying, “She’s not here
right now, Sweetie. She went with Boo.” “Boo!” Dori answered, looking
around expectantly. “They’ll be back my little princess. They love you.
They’ll be back.” Eph crooned to the baby soothingly. And it better be soon
or I’ll kill them myself, she thought. Dori sniffed and put her thumb in her
mouth, then laid her head on Ephiny’s shoulder. Eph rocked her for a moment and then
said, “Let’s get you out of these wet clothes, Darling.” and pulled out a
fresh tunic and diapers from the chest. Once naked, Dori cheered up and ran around the
cabin laughing. Eph caught her and laid her on the bed to change her. Dori reached out and
grabbed a tunic of Xena’s that was lying on the bed, discarded from their packing at
the last minute. She pulled it up to her face, comforted by the smell of Xena, and stuck
her thumb in her mouth again. When they were done, Dori wouldn’t leave the cabin
without the tunic, now security blanket. “Okay, let’s go find Aunt Pony.” Your
turn warrior, and you better not comment about my black eyes.
Pony sat with Dori on her lap, in a corner of the tavern while they waited for Ephiny to
put on dry clothes. Eph’s eyes had looked blackened, but Pony knew better than to
ask. Dori chewed on the leather teething ring, drooling on her caretaker. Next to Xena,
Pony was one of Dori’s favourite toys. In self-defence, Pony had gotten out the
picture book Paladia had made for the toddler. They were turning the pages and Dori would
pull the ring out of her mouth and touch the page with it, saying a word she intended to
describe what was pictured. Most of the words sounded the same to Pony. Versions of
“Oooo” Bo, Wo, Go. The last two pages were of Xena and Gabrielle. These words
Dori said quite well, calling them Mamma and Boo. She leaned her little face up to the
pictures and kissed them, then shyly turned back to see Pony’s reaction. Pony had a
lump in her throat and tears in her eyes, which she gruffly wiped away and squeezed her
little pal affectionately. Dori smiled and leaned against her, reaching up to offer her a
nip on the teething ring.
Cyrene came in carrying a dinner tray, setting in before the embarrassed warrior; caught
growling and biting the leather ring, just to make a baby laugh. “Hi Cutie.” she
whispered to the toddler. “Make sure she eats her greens, Pony. Gabrielle
doesn’t want her to eat like Xena.” And then she bustled back to the kitchen to
dish up dinner for the evening customers.
Pony let out a big sigh and prepared for their nightly battle. She’d been trying to
find ways to get Dori to swallow vegetables and Dori had been practicing how far she could
spit them, as well as developing her accuracy. Ares had taken to hiding behind tables and
chairs to avoid being hit, as he and Pony were the favourite targets. Tonight she pulled
out a small vial and poured the blue dye into the pureed veggies, hoping the change of
colour would at least distract the little rugrat. She got one spoonful into her. Dori
opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue, holding the offending food out, not wanting to
swallow it. She then took aim and hit Pony in the cleavage, dripping blue goo down her
top. “Oh good one, Dori.” She said disgusted, wiping at the goo and spreading
the stain. “Dood,” chirped Dori in acknowledgement. “Yeah, you’re
Dood, I know, I don’t really like ‘em either.” Silently admitting defeat,
Pony scraped the disgustingly blue veggies off the plate and fed Dori the things she
liked.
Ephiny returned to find a well fed toddler and her partner with a blue stain down her
front. “^I remember the first time that happened. I can’t imagine it was as much
fun this time.” Giving her bedraggled lover a suggestive leer. Pony looked up
startled at the reference and then threw back her head and laughed belly laughs. Dori
joined in the fun, clapping her hands and hooting out her approval. Wiping her eyes, Pony
remarked, “Yeah, well, I’m just getting a lesson in the eating habits of small
Doods. Don’t feed them anything green. Don’t sit within spitting distance. And
don’t try to trick them with food colouring.” Dori beamed and patted the table
triumphantly, “DOOD!”
Bruised, stained and exhausted, the two amazons gazed at the gregarious toddler. Pony
sighed and leaned her head against Eph’s shoulder, “How long before
reinforcements get here?”
“Three days, Pony. You know that. You sent our faster runner, but they still have to
make the return trip.” she sighed and leaned her chin on Pony’s head. Splat, the
mashed potatoes hit her right between the eyes. Her respect for her Queen doubled.
“Looks like she got you a good one this afternoon. Your eyes are black already.”
“Yeah, well, it turns out she can swim and she’s got quite a kick.”
“Do you think we’ll make it?” Pony jerked up her hand to catch the next
volley.
“Do you want to face the Queen and Xena if we don’t?” Pony’s only
response was to cringe. Ephiny laid her Potatoed Head back on Pony’s, “You know
what they say, it takes a Nation to raise a child. This is the one they meant.”