For Disclaimers See Part One

 

Xena checked the position of the sun again. After last night’s performance from Tartarus and the nasty ugly mob scene, which had given Gabrielle nightmares all night long, Xena was more than ready for the peace of the open road. Well, as peaceful as it could be, being attacked every day.

The bard had left some time ago to finish picking up supplies, but she should have been back long ago. The warrior looked to her mare. "She’s never been this late before."

Argo snorted, giving a nod.

"Time to worry?"

The animal agreed again, scuffing the ground a little.

"Admit it, Argo, you miss her too."

This time Xena got a swat as the horse snorted.

"Okay, I won’t push it. Come on, let’s find our bard." She tugged on the reins heading straight into the dreaded market area.

It wasn’t long before she found her first trace of the bard, and her heart dropped to her stomach. The bard’s staff was leaning against the side wall of a merchant booth. Xena stowed the staff with the rest of their gear, then turned to the merchant who was waiting on other customers.

"I’m looking for someone…" the warrior began.

"Aren’t we all?" he mumbled, taking a few dinars from a shopper.

"Look, you…" Xena was all ready to put the pinch on him, but rethought that plan of attack quickly, taking a deep breath. "I’m looking for my friend; a short, blonde woman, wearing a green top, brown skirt - talks a lot."

"Lady, do you…" He glanced up and gulped when he got a look at the irritated warrior standing there with her arms crossed. "I’m sorry. I don’t remember your friend. I deal with a lot of people."

"Right," Xena grumbled. "You’d remember her. If she’d made a purchase here, she’d have argued the price with you until you were ready to pay her to take the stuff."

"Oh yeah!" The merchant perked up a bit. "I do remember her. She left with two other women."

"How long ago? And which way did they go?"

"Not sure how long ago, but they headed for the docks," he replied, looking around and holding out his hand.

Xena rolled her eyes, but reached into her pouch and retrieved a few dinars, placing them in the man’s hand. If something had indeed happened to Gabrielle, now was not the time to be cheap. "Thank you."

She mounted Argo and used the warhorse to cut through the thick crowd. She considered briefly using her sword, but abandoned that idea when she realized she’d have to apologize to the bard afterward. Well, that and she had already paid good dinars for the information. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ would just be too much.

Xena was careful to keep an eye out for Gabrielle. It was possible everything was all right, but she had a feeling in her gut that that wasn’t the case. Once she arrived at the docks, it didn’t take her long - through inquiring, lying, and plain threatening a few people - to find out that three women, one of whom matched the bard’s description, had boarded a boat headed south. She also found out that Gabrielle hadn’t boarded the ship, but was taken by force. One man had said it looked like a lovers’ quarrel, and he wasn’t willing to get involved.

"Take a good look at me!" Xena had hissed at the man. "I’m her lover. If anything has happened to her, I will make you wish you had gotten involved. And trust me, even if you run, you can’t hide. There isn’t anywhere in the Known World you’ll be safe!"

She moved along quickly, finding a stable for Argo and gathering their equipment. "I’m sorry to leave you alone, girl, but I have to go get her."

Xena paused briefly when she retrieved the bard’s scroll bag. Opening the flap, she quickly looked through the contents. She had a feeling that whatever was going on had something to do with that silly scroll club the bard had joined. Their lives hadn’t been the same ever since that fateful day when the first HSDS rider found them on the road to Athens.

The warrior found a scroll with the initials ‘LLS’ pressed into the wax. She unrolled it and read carefully. It was an invitation to a literary festival taking place in southern Greece. That had to be where those two women were taking her! The coincidence was too much to ignore.

Xena did a few quick mental calculations and realized if she rode hard, she could be there faster than if she waited for another ship. She’d be a day behind the bard, but it was better than nothing.

She looked to her mare. "You wanna stay here, or are we in this together?"

The horse seemed to consider the question, then gave the warrior a shove and followed her out of the stable.

"Thanks, girl. I owe you. Let’s go find our bard."

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Gabrielle opened her eyes, feeling two things almost immediately: groggy and seasick. The feeling of nausea only intensified the grogginess. "Oh, Gods," she groaned, alerting her captors to her wakefulness.

"Great Muses, she looks positively green," one voice said.

"It’s only a reflection from that Gods awful top she’s wearing," another commented.

"Xena likes this top," the bard mumbled. "It’s the laces she has a problem with." The bard tried to sit up, only to fall back to the mattress. "Kill me now."

"Gabrielle, we don’t want to kill you." One of the women took a seat on the side of the bed. "We’re taking you somewhere so you can see the error of your ways."

One bleary green eye opened and tried to focus on the person sitting above it. "Excuse me? The error of my ways? I didn’t realize I had erred."

"Of course you didn’t realize it. You had no way of knowing that tolerating inter-species love and traveling with a warrior was a bad thing. But we’re going to take you someplace safe. There, we will help you discover your inner Amazon and find a place of peace and love and joy."

"Look, I really don’t have any problems that an over abundance of sex and dinars wouldn’t cure. Since you can’t fulfill either, I’ll be going now." She tried to get up again, but didn’t have the strength. "Oh Gods!" she groaned into the pillow, sending a mental message to Xena to come rescue her. Soon.

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Xena realized with the storm blowing in that she was going to have to find shelter. She dismounted Argo even before the mare came to a full stop and headed for a thick grove of trees.

"First time in years there hasn’t been a cave close by when I needed one," she grumbled, pushing Argo back a bit when the rain started coming down hard and fast. "We’re stuck here for the duration, girl." She patted the mare.

Thus, Xena was truly and utterly dumbfounded when a HSDS came crashing into her small shelter. He was breathing hard as the water ran down his face, dripping off his ears and nose. "Some storm, huh?"

"Do you guys have some sort of tracking method I’m not aware of?"

"Huh?"

"You seem to be showing up in my life a lot." That was an understatement.

"Are you Gabrielle of Poteidaia?"

Xena slapped her forehead. "Great Zeus! One of you finally gets it right, and she’s not here to hear it."

"I’m from there, too. It’s not like it’s hard or anything." He dug through his bag. "It’s not like Ample fish, eh, Am fitten leaves…un…"

"AMPHIPOLIS, you idiot!"

The rider looked at the woman. "Uh, yeah, I’m sorry. Listen, do you know this Gabrielle chick?"

Xena yanked him from his horse, holding him close to her face. She growled, "She is not a chick! Nor is she, to make it perfectly clear to you, a babe, a dame, toots, or a wench. And, while I’m at it, don’t ever refer to her as the annoying little blonde, shorty, blondie, or stacked. You got me?"

"Got… got it…" he stammered. "So can you sign for her scrolls?"

Xena dropped him to the ground. "Do you really want to waste more of your escape time by making me sign for them?"

The rider dumped the contents of the bag, grabbed his horse’s reins and scurried off into the storm. He’d rather face its fury than the warrior he had somehow managed to annoy.

Xena crouched down, looking through the pile of scrolls. She knew she should put them away, but something told her there might be more clues as to where Gabrielle had been taken. She settled down and cracked the seal on the first one.

A dark brow arched as she read through one scroll only to find that it was speculation about her relationship with Gabrielle. It was a long and detailed explanation of how the warrior and bard could be friends and soulmates without being lovers in the physical sense. However, the writer was concerned about Gabrielle’s violation of The Rule.

"Who in Tartarus would want that?" Xena mumbled. And what rule was the writer referring to?

She finished the scroll and opened the next one. This one felt oddly warm and was very adamant that there was no way they could not be lovers. To be true soulmates they had to share everything, including their bodies.

"There you go." Xena grinned. She liked sharing with Gabrielle. A lot. Often. All the time, actually.

The third scroll not only argued they were sleeping together, but also provided a few sketches of how it was possible. Xena’s brows came together as she turned the scroll sideways to study the first sketch. "Only if we were both double-jointed and drunk." She rolled up the scroll, but tucked it away for later. "We’ll have to give it a shot."

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"This had better work, Argo. Or, despite Gabrielle’s loving influence, I’m simply going to start killing people."

The horse whinnied loudly and stamped her foot.

Xena rolled her eyes. "I was only kidding!"

Argo swung her head toward her mistress, glaring at her in disbelief.

"Okay, I was mostly kidding," Xena grumbled. "Wuss." She patted the horse’s belly. "Looks like Gabrielle’s rubbed off a little on you, too, eh?" Xena poked the firm and ample belly again. "Mostly here, I’d say." When it was safe, she scratched the velvety skin of the mare’s nose and reluctantly packed away her sword and chakram. She wouldn’t be wearing them tonight.

"Be ready for a quick get away, girl. Gabrielle needs us." Xena swallowed hard, thinking about how lost and lonely she’d been without her best friend. "And we need her." Gods, she was even starting to miss that hideous, bilious, green, sports bra! Okay, she really missed what was inside the bilious, green, sports bra. But, to the bra’s credit, it did appear to be shrinking.

The warrior hiked her dress a tad higher and adjusted her cleavage as she exited the public stables. She was on her way to the biggest loser and freak congregation in the Known World, the tavern adjacent to the Festival Center where the Southern Greece Literary Festival was taking place. Xena suspected that damn near every geek in Greece was there. I wonder if I’ll run into Joxer? Nah. These are literate geeks. She smirked. It was a great Greek geek gathering. Ha! Not even Gabrielle could say that three times fast.

Xena was wearing the purple silk dress she’d purchased for the scroll reading in Athens, but had used her sword to make a few alterations. It was sexy before. The drool that had pooled in the corners of Gabrielle’s mouth had convinced her of that. But now - she glanced down at herself and smiled wickedly as she sashayed down the street - if the dress wasn’t illegal, it should’ve been.

Xena smiled wistfully. If Gabrielle were here, she would be on her warrior like white on rice. Of course, Gabrielle would never let Xena go out in public in her current state of slutty undress. True, the bard did seem to have a few jealousy issues. Xena ignored them, confident nothing would ever come of it.

Blue eyes took on a predatory glint as she approached the tavern. Xena consciously allowed her natural sensuality to seep into her every movement. She wasn’t sure whether the geeks could handle this much raw sexuality. Most likely they hadn’t been laid in a long, long time, if ever. She usually reserved this level of potency for when she and Gabrielle played gladiator and slave girl. Sometimes she even got to be the gladiator. Xena felt a heady surge of lust and carnal power. Gods, she hoped she found the bard soon!

And that Gabrielle was in the mood for a little warrior taming.

Xena entered the tavern and the room when dead silent. A small, sexy smile played on her lips and was greeted by multiple gasps and catcalls. Oh, yes. Tonight she was going to find out the location of her bard. Even if it meant bringing these literary cows to their knees. Xena winced inwardly. I sure hope they don’t like that.

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

"Can’t you make her shut up?" The woman gestured toward a very pissed off, but obviously resolute, Gabrielle. "No, skip that. Let’s just cut her tongue out. That might get her to stop talking."

Magentria thought hard for a moment. How mad would Vulture really be? Magentria wanted to cut out Gabrielle’s tongue in the worst way. But then she might not be invited to Vulture’s next fish fry! And that was the event that Vulture’s friends waited all year for. What better place to get together in person and talk about Vulture behind her back? There was no way that Magentria was going to miss that! "Umm.... much as I’d love to maim the bi-species loving blonde, I don’t think we can do that." She stared at her captive. "Yet."

Gabrielle gulped. Yet?

"Then gag her!"

"I’ve tried. But that’s the third gag she’s chewed through!"

"I don’t want to hear excuses, Magentria," chastised Loser Number Fourteen. She was new to the scroll list, and nobody bothered learning new scroll members’ names for at least the first two or three years. Unless, of course, there was a reason to flame them.

"You are not the leader here! Vulture is. At least, until someone meaner stabs her in the back. And that would take some doing. Anyway, while Vulture’s out of the room, I’m in charge." Magentria crossed her arms and puffed up her chest proudly. "I know Vulture. We’re best buddies. My name even made a cameo appearance in one of her stories." She paused dramatically. "And, bard, you’re no Vulture."

Well and truly chastised, Loser Number Fourteen hung her head in shame. Actually, she was looking down at her feet wondering if she’d be quick enough to draw her boot dagger and stab Magentria between the eyes before she could retaliate. Nah. She couldn’t afford to dull her blade. She too was hoping for a fish fry invitation. "You’re right, Magentria, I shouldn’t have expressed my opinion. I’m only a lesser known bard. I’m simply not worthy."

"That’s a given."

"You really are all soul-devouring Bacchae! I can’t believe I ever admired you!" Gabrielle hissed. If she was going to get her tongue cut out, she wanted to get in a few digs first.

"Of course you admired me. Who wouldn’t?" Magentria gloated.

Loser Number Fourteen and Gabrielle both rolled their eyes. "I didn’t mean you specifically. I still don’t who you are." That was a lie. But a blow to the ego was worse than a blow to the groin with this bunch.

Magentria gasped indignantly, and Loser Number Fourteen didn’t bother to disguise her sniggers.

"I meant you in the plural sense."

"I think I will cut out your tongue." There goes the fish fry, Magentria thought sourly.

"Go ahead!" Gabrielle taunted. "It’s only because you’re afraid of what I have to say."

"Afraid?" Magentria’s face turned red. "Of a purveyor of drivel whose companion is a goat killer? I think not."

"Bitch."

Magentria drew her blade, and Gabrielle’s eyes widened. Oops. That was out loud, wasn’t it? "Since you’re not afraid, you won’t mind if I tell you all about how the cycle of hatred can only be broken by love?"

And with that, Gabrielle began an impassioned speech about forgiveness and love. She really didn’t believe it applied to the scroll list. They were simply too evil to be helped. Only a chakram up the ass, or silver-tipped arrow, could stop them. But hopefully, this would keep them occupied until Xena rescued her, which had better be damned soon.

These fools wouldn’t even be thinking of harming a single taste bud if they knew how attached Xena was to her tongue. Despite the fact she was right in the middle of her speech, Gabrielle’s eyes glazed over as she started reminiscing about exactly why.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Xena took a deep breath as she entered the inn. Just as she had expected there were lots of women, and they were all at various stages of intoxication. Hopefully, she would be able to get information out of them by means other than painful extraction.

Since the moment she had entered the tavern, nearly every pair of eyes had fallen on her. Oh, yeah, this was going to be as easy as slicing up a Roman soldier.

She stopped at the end of the bar and ordered wine. When the barkeep placed the cup in front of her, she heard the clatter of dinars hitting the bar beside her. "I’ve got this one," a female voice offered from behind her.

Before turning around to thank her benefactor, she took a sip of the wine. She then turned around very slowly, allowing a sultry smile to cross her lips. "Thanks."

"My pleasure." The woman smiled in return.

Xena did a mental rolling of the eyes. Just as bad as the men. She took another drink.

"So, are you here for the festival?" The woman moved closer, letting her eyes take a long and lustful tour of the warrior’s body.

"In a manner of speaking. I’m actually here more for the extracurricular activities. I’ve heard this group really knows how to have a good time."

"We have our moments. Care to tell me what you consider a good time?"

Xena grinned. At the top of her list was having her bard rake her fingernails down her back in the heat of passion. This was closely followed by the slow and painful torture of the idiots who had kidnapped her bard and were keeping her from enjoying her favorite thing. "I’m game for just about anything." She swirled the wine in her cup. "Keep these coming, and I will be game for anything."

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Gabrielle worked the ropes which bound her to the pole. "How silly is this?" she grumbled. "I’ve had more than enough of this nonsense." She struggled with the ropes a bit more, feeling them give with each tug. "And if these people are ever going to get serious about kidnapping, they’d better learn how to tie a knot that will hold." With a final jerk of her wrists, the rope gave way.

It didn’t take her long to free herself from the ropes around her torso. She stood quickly, which was a mistake. Between the drugs she had been given, and the fact that she still hadn’t recovered from being on a ship, she felt a tad woozy. The only thing keeping her upright was her urge to slap a certain warrior silly for taking so long to rescue her. Gabrielle had a sunlight rule for rescues. Xena had until the sun either appeared or left the sky, as the case might be, to rescue her in any situation. After that, Gabrielle was free to take things into her own hands. The bard had found this a reasonable accommodation in the past, making her warrior feel useful. Xena was way overdue at this point.

"You are so sleeping on the other side of the fire for the next two months. Or until I need to get laid, whichever comes first," she grumbled at her absent warrior. Taking a deep breath, she began taking inventory of the room, looking for a suitable weapon.

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Xena sat at a table with the woman. She moves her hand any damn higher up my thigh, and I’m gonna snap it off at the wrist. The warrior wanted to glare, but knew that she’d get more information if she let this woman cop a feel. She held back the glare, offering a smile instead.

"So tell me, beautiful, how about you and I head up to my room and play a game of slave trader and naïve village girl?"

Xena nearly choked on her wine. "I heard that your group didn’t particularly care for warlords and warriors."

"Ooo, we don’t," the woman slurred a bit. "But a good, healthy fantasy life never hurt anyone."

"Wanna bet," she growled from behind her cup. "I wouldn’t know how to go about something like that. I’m afraid of warlords," Xena lied. You loaf of nutbread. "Actually, now that you mention it, I do have a fantasy I’d like to try out."

"Tell me more," the woman whispered, leaning in to Xena’s neck and giving it a little kiss.

The warrior shivered. She didn’t particularly care for what was happening here. It was like when Ares showed up, wanting to play his silly, little games. She really wished he’d learn to play with himself. "I really have a thing for little, submissive blondes." Yeah, right, submissive. The last time Gabrielle was submissive about anything, Sappho still liked guys. "Know anyone who might like to come play with us?"

"Ooo, darlin’, are you into group gropes?" The woman’s breath was hot in Xena’s ear, then came the bite.

"Small groups, but lots of groping." Aww, Centaur poop, that’s gonna leave a mark.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

The only thing that annoyed the bard more than being kidnapped was not being rescued in a timely manner. By her calculations, Xena was a half day late. This did not make her happy. "I gave you your chance to be the hero here, Warrior Princess, and you blew it. So I’m gonna stop playing victim and kick myself a little ass."

She hefted the weight of the makeshift staff she had managed to find. "Handy how this stuff is always lying around when we need it," she observed. "Hey, somebody? Anybody?"

"Aw, shut up already!" somebody growled from the other side of the door. "Do you ever stop talking?"

"Come in here and say that, Butch." The bard had noticed her abductors all seemed to share qualities which were less than feminine. At least I can put Xena in a dress, and she looks like a woman.

The door opened and an extremely large, well-built woman stood between the bard and her freedom. Me and my big mouth. Gabrielle shook her head, then launched herself at her captor.

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Xena looked at the woman now bound and gagged in the corner of the room. Okay, so she had had to bring the woman upstairs and put the pinch on her, but at least now she knew where the bard had been taken. This scroll club was over the top. The warrior couldn’t figure out why the Scroll of the Month Club would want to re-indoctrinate her bard. Why were they so biased against ex-warlords? And why did they care about her and Gabrielle’s relationship? This all made as much sense as her chakram sometimes being razor sharp and sometimes a blunt instrument.

She pulled the strap of her leathers over her shoulders. "You really shouldn’t have taken my bard. If I don’t get my fix on a daily basis, I get really cranky. Bard withdrawal is an ugly thing."

"We took her because she is a creative type who should not be influenced by someone as … as … primitive as you."

"Primitive?" Xena echoed.

"Not a lover of the Muses -"

Xena held up a hand, not able to conceal the smug expression on her face. "I wouldn’t go that far."

The woman glared. The warlord had defiled one of the Muses! She bet it was that slut, Erato. She continued on her litany of warlord vices, "Crude, smelly, approvers of bi-species relationships -"

"What’s that?" Xena scratched her left cheek, her lower left cheek, confirming her prisoner’s low opinion of warlords.

"Pony love!"

Xena frowned. She knew Eponin too? That Amazon really had gotten around since she had disappeared from the village several seasons ago. "You are all Greek, geek freaks. If this is what reading does to you, I’m glad I’ve found other uses for the scrolls."

Then, as she stared at the mutant, Greek geek before her, realization hit her squarely in the gut. She understood what the letters on Gabrielle’s festival invitation stood for!

Blue eyes closed in frustration. It all made sense. The kidnapping and the indoctrination. The continuously singed fingers that Gabrielle had so lamely tried to explain. After all, how much henbane could one small bard smoke? The pieces of the puzzle came together with a sickening snap. Her sweet and loving bard had ‘accidentally’ joined the most diabolical, fiendish, feared, wicked, utterly vicious cult in all of Greece! Scroll of the Month Club, my ass.

Gods! Couldn’t Gabrielle have just sold her soul to Bacchus, married Joxer, or joined the Horde? But, noooooo... she had to go and join...

… it hurt even to think those four evil words …

The Lesbos Literary Society!

Xena stormed out of the room. Please don’t let it be too late.

 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Xena jumped from her panting horse as they screeched to a halt. She raised her hand to give her horse a slap to the rump, but received a tail to the face first. "All right, I get the message. Go do whatever it is you do, while I go do my rescue bit." Xena hoped that the LLS had traveled by land instead of ship to get here. If not, she was reeeeeally late. And Gabrielle was going to be pissed.

The mare whinnied, then galloped toward the corral she had noticed on the way to this old temple of Cornucopia. There had been a rather handsome looking stallion in that corral.

Xena drew her sword, moving quickly and quietly up the steps. She took a moment to adjust the bandage at her throat. The plan was to tell the bard she had received a small wound while searching for her. It was nearly true. A hickey was a wound, of sorts.

The warrior made it to the top of the steps, but when she reached for the door it burst open, and more than a dozen women came rushing out. They all seemed panicked, forcing the warrior back down the steps as they ran into her in their attempt to flee whatever had scared the Tartarus out of them.

By the Gods, it must be one of the Gorgons! I hope Gabrielle is all right!

"Make it stop!" she heard several of them cry as they continued to run from the temple into the surrounding forest.

Watching them rush away, she hurried back up the steps. She needed to get inside and save her bard from the horror that had caused these women to retreat. Once again, just as she was about to enter, her eyes landed on her bard. She was inside the temple, wielding a crude staff, sweating and breathing hard.

Oh yeah! Now that’s the way I like to see my girl. Wonder if battle lust has made its way to the surface yet? She’s a Fury in bed when she’s upset like this!

"You!" Gabrielle growled, storming down the steps toward the warrior. "Where in the name of Artemis have you been?"

"I…" the warrior stumbled a bit, backing away from the fuming bard.

"I don’t want to hear some lame excuse about how you’ve been looking for me, and it took time to find out where I was."

"I…"

"Uh huh! Don’t even let that cross your lips." Gabrielle continued to back the warrior up. "For every other person, monster, God or undead being in the Known World, you seem to naturally know where they are, but for me, for me, you have to search! Makes no damned sense, Xena. None at all!"

"Plot device?" the warrior postulated, bringing her sword up to block the blow from the bard’s staff.

"Bite me!" Gabrielle hissed.

"Where and how hard?" the warrior teased, using her sword to parry another strike from the bard’s staff.

"Xena, I swear, you are the most frustrating person…"

"Last time I checked, that was one of the big reasons you loved me."

"I love you in spite of it!" Gabrielle stopped her advance, finally taking note of the bandage around the warrior’s neck. "Are you hurt?"

"Hurt? No. Disappointed maybe…" The warrior stopped, realizing the bard was referring to the wrapping. "Uh, yeah." She cleared her throat, allowing her fingers to graze the bandage.

Gabrielle let the staff fall from her hands, moving to her warrior. "I’m sorry." The bard immediately started to look at the wound to see how bad it was. "Gods, Xe, I’m sorry, I should have…" She stopped when she saw what the bandage covered. "A hickey! A hickey? You have a hickey?!"

"It’s not quite…" Xena felt the bandage twist around her throat, effectively cutting off the rest of her reply and most of her air.

Gabrielle used the cloth to pull the warrior down and close to her. "I’m being held captive, they’re threatening to cut my tongue out, and you’re carousing with some slut and getting hickeys? Now I know why it took you so long. They made me go on a boat, Xena. A boat! You know how I hate boats!"

The warrior could only choke and gasp. "A… Ai… Air…"

"Oh, don’t even tell me it was Ares! Please don’t add insult to injury."

The warrior continued to choke, tugging at the bandage. "Air… I… need…"

"What you need, Warrior Princess, is a lesson in appreciating your friend, companion, lover and supposed soul mate. I am not a sex toy, and I am not someone who appreciates…" Gabrielle ranted. She had had enough. She was tired, hungry and horny. She needed sleep, food and sex, and not necessarily in that order. And now she was faced with this?

Xena was starting to feel a little lightheaded, but she was reluctant to break free for fear of accidentally hurting Gabrielle. However, she knew something would need to give soon. "Gabrielle…" she whispered.

Hearing her name drawn out in that sexy, low voice caused Gabrielle to relent. Especially when she realized the sexy voice was due to Xena’s being choked to death. Releasing the bandage, she stepped back and surveyed the sturdy frame of the warrior, inspecting her for other injuries. "Are you all right?"

The warrior threw the bandage far away, lest anything else upset her temperamental bard. "I am now." She picked up her bard and spun her around in her arms, kissing her thoroughly as she did so. "I’m glad you’re okay. I’m sorry I was late."

"What kept you?"

"Scroll deliveries. I had to read through several bags of them before I figured out where they were taking you." Xena set the bard down and gave Gabrielle her best intimidating look. "You didn’t join the Scroll of the Month Club, did you?"

Gabrielle looked down at her feet and kicked a rock. "No."

"What was it then? Some underground terrorist group? A cult too wicked for Tartarus? The legion of the undead?" Xena, of course, knew the answer, but didn’t want to pressure the bard. Gabrielle would tell her when she was ready.

All of those descriptions fit, Gabrielle realized sadly enough. "It was supposed to be a literary discussion group, for those of us bards not affiliated with the Academy. But it wasn’t! They hardly ever discussed writing, unless they were trashing some poor slob who sent something in for commentary."

The tone of Gabrielle’s voice let Xena in on who the ‘poor slob’ was. "Which story did you send in?" she asked gently.

"Ephiny and Phantes."

That explained all the bi-species comments Xena had read in the scrolls. "Why don’t they want us to be lovers?"

Gabrielle sighed. "Because you’re a warrior."

"Not real open-minded, are they?"

"To hear them talk about it, they are." Gabrielle looked around and realized what a beautiful day it was. The sun was shining brightly, the grass was a vibrant green, the breeze was soft on her skin. Even the decrepit temple looked good. "But forget about them. We’re together again."

"Are you going to resign from the club?" Please say yes! "Or do I need to kill every HSDS rider that comes near us in the future?" Xena was reluctant to do that. She was pretty impressed with their tracking capabilities. They might be handy in the future.

"You’ve seen your last HSDS rider, Xe." Gabrielle crossed her heart and kissed the warrior soundly. "I promise you that."

They began walking toward the corral. Gabrielle’s eyes rolled toward her companion. "Xena, about that hickey..."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Xena’s eyes were closed as she leaned back on her bedroll, one hand braced behind her to her keep her upright. Her leathers were mostly unlaced and the long fingers of one hand were threaded tightly in Gabrielle’s hair, urging onward the soft kisses that were working their way down her throat. And then she heard them; the words she never wanted to hear for as long as she lived.

"Is one of you Xena of Ambidextrous?" a psychotically cheerful voice boomed from the bushes. A young man dressed in an HSDS uniform poked his head out. "’Cause if you are, then this is your lucky day, lady. You’ve got scrolls!"

Gabrielle’s forehead dropped to Xena’s chest with an unceremonious thump.

The warrior reached for her chakram. She was going to solve this little problem real quick.

"Well, which one of you is it?" This time the voice was a little more impatient. "I’m looking for Xena of Anthraxcillias."

Gabrielle pushed away from her partner, warning her against using her chakram with a stern look. Now had Xena been working her way down HER body, then the chakram would have been appropriate. But, as it was, the warrior was going to have to wait. She jerked a thumb at Xena. "She’s your victim."

"Here ya go." He dumped a pile of scrolls on the bedroll at Xena’s feet.

The warrior remained silent, simply glaring at the deliveryman, who now had his hand sticking out, waiting for his tip. Couldn’t the fool see that he’d interrupted something? Her grip on her chakram tightened.

"I’ll take care of this one, Xe." Gabrielle jumped in. "Here’s your tip: Get the Hades out of here before Xena of Amphipolis takes her chakram and sticks it right up your a..."

"Fine. Fine. I get the picture," he groused, disappearing back into the bushes. Cheap ass warrior. Oh well, at least I got to see her nipple.

Gabrielle plopped back down next to Xena and poked the pile of parchment. "So?"

The warrior frowned. "At the festival there were all these booths with free baklava and meat pies. All I had to do to get them..."

"Was give them your name," Gabrielle finished glumly, shaking her head. Why did everyone think that SHE was the chow hound of the pair?

"Well, let’s see what lists you’ve been added to." The blonde picked up a scroll and looked at the name printed on the top. She raised an eyebrow. "To The Known World’s Best Lover and Fiercest Warrior?"

Xena shrugged. "I got tired of writing ‘Xena’."

Gabrielle dumped that scroll and fished another from the pile. She began reading. "Oh my!"

"What? What is?" Xena peered at the words interestedly.

"It seems that some chick made a big splash at the festival." Gabrielle dug out another scroll. "Oh yeah! Some slut was really working the crowd." Green eyes moved to the next scroll. "There are tons of stories about her."

"Really?" Xena asked weakly.

"Uh huh." The younger woman looked up from her reading. "Did you see her while you were there?"

"NO!" Xena cleared her throat and lowered her voice. "I mean no," she said calmly. "I was only there for a candlemark. Actually, half a candlemark at the most," the warrior lied.

Gabrielle nodded absently, already engrossed in the next scroll. "Ooo, Xe. This is a good one. Looks like the tramp made quite the impression and is now somewhat of an erotica darling." She chuckled as she read a graphic love scene that even she was too embarrassed to read out loud. Gotta try that, though. When it was finally over, she got to a part where the author was more descriptive and less gross.

Her full, red lips called to me, beckoning me with their ripeness. Her long, raven hair glistened like moonlight on the clearest mountain lake.

Gabrielle paused and looked up at Xena who was suddenly picking a few leaves out of her dirty hair. Her mouth was drawn in a tight line. "Huh." Gabrielle shook her head and continued.

She wore a tight-fitting dress that my fingers itched to remove, my mouth watering at the thought.

Very quietly, Xena removed her greatly altered dress from their saddlebags, flinging it over her shoulder and behind the nearest bush.

When Gabrielle looked up from the parchment, the warrior was wearing a wide-eyed, innocent look. Gabrielle’s eyes narrowed. "What are you up to, Xena?"

Xena pointed a thumb at her chest. "Who me? I’m not up to anything. Gabrielle, let’s use these scrolls as fire starters and be done with it."

"Un unh. Not a chance." Her gaze flicked back to the page.

But her amazing blue eyes...

Gabrielle immediately looked up to find Xena with her eyes firmly closed. "Is there something you want to share with me, Warrior Princess?!" she asked menacingly.

Xena shook her head furiously. This was bad. So bad. "Gabrielle, do we really have to..."

"Yes!" she barked, smoothing out the scroll and continuing.

But her amazing blue eyes were rivaled only by the sexiest birthmark I had ever seen. It was on her chest, just above the swell of her breast and was in the shape of...

Xena suddenly jumped up and took off through the woods, wishing she were wearing her boots. "Ouch! Ooo! Ouch! Hades!"

Gabrielle threw the scroll down into their fire as though the parchment itself were contaminated. "Damn scroll clubs!" And with that, she started after her partner. "You can run, Xe. But you can’t hide!"

"Oh, yes, ouch, ouch, I can!" came the laughing reply.

The parchment burned rapidly, the ash rising into the night air.

 

The End

 

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