CHAPTER ELEVEN

Part 3

Ruth parked her car behind Susan’s and got out, carrying an overnight bag. Susan sighed heavily, then made herself go out to meet her sister.

"Ruth?"

"I see you’re still here."

Susan spread her hands. "What are you doing?"

"Well, I’ve come to visit," Ruth said. "I’ve seen Dave. I think we need to talk."

Oh, Jesus! Susan grabbed the side of her head with both hands and gave a silent scream.

"Ruth, can’t you just accept that I’m separated from Dave? I don’t really want to talk about him."

"Separated? Nonsense. You’re running from this, Susan. You’ve got to talk about it, you can’t just ignore it."

Susan followed Ruth into the cabin, but stood with her hands on her hips in defiance. "I’ve talked about it, Ruth. Just not with you."

"So, you’ve found a therapist?" Ruth whispered.

"No. I’m talking about Shawn."

"She’s a stranger, for God’s sake! How can you talk to her about it?" Ruth demanded.

"And a therapist would not be a stranger?"

Ruth waved her protest away. "Oh, you know what I mean. I can’t believe you’re airing all the dirty laundry to a complete stranger. You don’t know who she’ll tell."

Susan shook her head in amazement. "Oh, Ruth, you’re something else."

"No. You’re something else. I can’t believe you’ve not bothered to call your husband. He is a total wreck." Ruth dropped her bag on the floor and sank onto the sofa. "He’s positively beside himself."

"I’m sure. He has no idea how to cook, clean or do laundry and he doesn’t even know the housekeeper’s name. Is his new girlfriend not helping him out?"

"I’m going to ignore that, Susan. I know you’re not yourself."

"I’m more myself than ever, Ruth. I may not be the person you’re used to, or even a person you like, but this is me," Susan said, lightly tapping her chest. "I don’t want to talk to Dave. He’s knows why I’m here. If I decide to file for divorce . . .."

"Divorce?" Ruth gasped.

"Yes. Divorce."

"You can’t be serious. You’ve been married twenty years, Susan. You’re forty years old."

"Thirty-nine," Susan corrected.

"You’ve lost your mind," Ruth insisted. "I told Dave I could talk some sense into you, but . . .."

"Oh, Ruth. This has nothing to do with you," Susan said. She wanted to try to explain her feelings to Ruth, but knew she would never understand. For whatever reason, Ruth lived in a completely different world now. "Whatever happens between Dave and me is not a reflection on you."

"Of course it is! Don’t you think people will talk?"

"Who cares?" Susan nearly shouted. "Surely they have better things to do than talk about my failed marriage."

They faced each other in silence for only a moment.

"You’ve given up," Ruth stated.

"Oh Ruth," Susan shook her head. "I’m just not in love with him," she said honestly.

"For God’s sake! What does that have to do with it?"

Susan stared at Ruth in shock. "That has everything to do with it."

"Susan, you’ve been married twenty years. You can’t expect it to still be like it was."

Susan opened her mouth to argue, then closed it again. Ruth would never understand her feelings. Susan didn’t even want to try to explain to Ruth how much she needed . . . craved unbridled passion. She had never had that with Dave. They had always been comfortable together, but they had never lost control of their emotions. She doubted Ruth would even know what she was talking about. Susan decided a changed of topic was in order.

"Where’s Franklin?"

"He’s in San Francisco. Some meeting," Ruth said vaguely with a wave of her hand.

Susan nodded. So, Franklin had someone on the side, too. "Oh. So I guess you’re going to stay the weekend?"

"Just tonight. We’ve got tennis Sunday morning. It’s the Memorial Day tournament, you know. I’m playing a doubles match with Claire."

"Sounds like fun," Susan said with only a hint of sarcasm. She had forgotten it was Memorial Day. "Well, I haven’t started dinner. I wasn’t expecting Shawn until tomorrow."

Ruth shook her head disapprovingly. "I don’t know why you cook for her all the time."

"Because it’s easier to cook here than over a campfire." Susan walked into the kitchen, dismissing Ruth’s objections. She shouldn’t have to explain herself to Ruth, of all people.

But Ruth followed her into the kitchen and settled in one of the barstools. "I will have a glass of wine, if its not too much trouble."

"Of course. Where are my manners?"

"And I know I shouldn’t be fussy, but that vegetarian thing you made the last time was hardly edible."

Susan gritted her teeth and placed a full glass of wine in front of Ruth. "As I said, I wasn’t expecting company tonight. I’ve got some ground beef. How about a burger?"

"Cooked over the grill?"

Susan gritted her teeth even harder. "Of course."

Instead of bothering with the charcoal, Susan pulled the cover off the gas grill. She normally enjoyed the slower cooking charcoal, using the time to sit quietly with Shawn and talk. But not with Ruth. The quicker the better. Susan forced herself to be sociable, and she pulled her chair next to Ruth’s. Ruth had been rambling about events at the Country Club and now she had moved on to the weekly tennis matches. Susan sighed and swirled the wine in her glass. She longed for a beer, a cigarette and Shawn’s company instead.

"And Leslie Mercer, of all people, has taken your spot in the tournament."

"Such a tragedy," Susan murmured.

"She had the audacity to ask me to be her doubles partner," Ruth continued.

Susan sipped her wine and let Ruth’s voice fade into the background. What was really sad, she thought, was that a few short months ago, she would have been contributing to the conversation, discussing tennis and the Country Club as if that was all there was in life. And sadly, for her, that was her life.

She heard the truck door slam only seconds before Alex rounded the cabin and jumped on the deck, his wet nose nudging Susan’s hand excitedly.

Susan raised her eyes and met Shawn’s, relief flooding her own at the warm friendliness she found there. She couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

"Well, what a nice surprise. I thought you weren’t going to make it up until tomorrow."

Shawn shrugged. "I got away early." She lifted her hand, revealing two bottles of beer, ice still clinging to the sides. "Want one?"

"Oh, you’re a goddess. I was just thinking of that very thing."

Shawn nodded hello to Ruth and sat down on the steps.

"Let me get you a chair," Susan offered.

"No, this is fine. I won’t stay long. I haven’t put the tent up yet."

Susan opened her mouth to offer dinner, but remembered Ruth’s obvious dislike of Shawn. Besides, she doubted that Shawn would want to stay.

Alex came back from the woods with a dirty ball, one he had apparently buried last weekend. He dropped it onto Shawn’s lap and waited expectantly for her to throw it for him. Susan relaxed as she watched the familiar routine between woman and dog. The silence was comfortable and she felt her tension subside. That is, until Ruth shifted in her chair, bringing Susan back to the here and now.

Susan sighed.

Shawn glanced up, then away.

Ruth coughed.

Susan sighed again. The hell with it, she thought.

"Shawn, we’re having burgers. It’s just as easy to do three."

Their eyes met. Shawn’s were questioning, Susan’s pleading.

"Please stay."

"Okay. If you’re sure it’s no problem."

Susan smiled. "No problem. I would love another beer, though."

Shawn finally turned to Ruth. "Can I offer you a beer, Ruth?"

Ruth glanced at Susan disapprovingly, ignoring Shawn. "I’ll have another glass of wine, I think."

Shawn and Susan locked glances for only a brief second, then Shawn sauntered off in that walk of hers and Susan grinned at Shawn’s indifference to Ruth.

"Why did you have to invite her to dinner?" Ruth hissed.

"Because she’s my friend." Susan shut the door on Ruth’s reply and refused to get angry. If Ruth chose to come up here uninvited, then she could just suffer the consequences. She took out the rest of the ground meat and formed another patty for Shawn, pounding it perhaps just a little too hard.

"It’s already dead, I think."

Susan jumped. Shawn had come in through the living room and sat a cold beer bottle in front of Susan.

"As you requested."

Susan relaxed. "Thank you for staying."

"It’s only because I’m starving," Shawn teased. "How was your week?"

Susan grinned. "I hiked the Summit Trail, like you suggested. I had a great time and shot a whole roll of film. Other than that, I was a lazy bum. I slept late, read two books and actually sunbathed on the deck."

"Oh, my. Not in the nude, Susan! Whatever would the neighbors think?"

Susan burst out laughing at Shawn’s attempt to mimic Ruth, limp hand to her chest and all. "Not in the nude," she finally said. "But I did get a bit daring and took off my top."

Shawn raised her eyebrow mischievously. "You’re such a wild woman!"

"Yes. For me, anyway." Then she glanced toward the deck and sighed. "I guess we better get back out."

Shawn stopped Susan with a light touch on her arm. "Don’t let Ruth spoil things for you, Susan. It’s your life. If you want to drink a beer, then drink a beer. If you want to share a cigarette with me, then do it. Screw her."

"You’re right, of course," Susan said. "It’s just that I haven’t had a whole lot of practice at being independent." Susan glanced toward the deck again. "I think I frighten her."

Shawn nodded. "Yes. Change is frightening. Especially when you’re not the one controlling it. Ruth is used to having her way with you and I’m sure it’s driving her crazy that you’re not obeying her now."

"Yes," Susan agreed. "She doesn’t quite know what to make of me anymore." Susan grabbed her beer with one hand and the wine bottle with her other, then grinned wickedly. "Maybe I’ll get her drunk."

Alex entertained them on the deck and conversation was kept to a minimum. When Shawn finally lit a cigarette, Susan’s eyes followed every movement as Shawn brought it to her lips. Shawn looked at her and raised her eyebrow. Susan nodded. Shawn leaned back and handed Susan the cigarette. They both ignored the faint gasp from Ruth as Susan inhaled and let out a soft sigh.

"Thanks," she murmured.

Shawn turned her attention back to Alex, lighting another cigarette in the process, forcing Susan to keep that one.

"First beer, now cigarettes. My, my Susan, you certainly have changed. I doubt your husband would even recognize you."

"I doubt he would care," Susan replied indifferently.

"Of course he cares!"

Susan rolled her head slowly to face Ruth. "Not now, Ruth. I’m really not in the mood to talk about Dave."

The silence was thick among them, then Shawn stirred. "I guess the grill is plenty hot. I’ll get the burgers."

Susan smiled warmly at her friend. "Thanks."

"You let her cook?" Ruth hissed after Shawn had closed the door. "Next thing you know, she’ll be moving in."

"Why do you dislike her so?"

Ruth leaned back in her chair, her eyes leaving Susan. "I certainly don’t dislike her, Susan. I hardly know her."

"Right. You hardly know her, yet you are intentionally rude to her."

Ruth’s reply stuck in her throat as Shawn returned, expertly balancing plate in one hand and two beers in the other. She handed both beer bottles to Susan, then unceremoniously put their three patties on the grill, closing the lid on the hot flames that erupted.

Susan had Shawn’s beer opened when she turned around and Shawn took it without comment. Susan suddenly realized how familiar things had gotten between them in such a short time. She knew Shawn would toss the ball to Alex for a few more times, then rise to flip the burgers. If Ruth were not there, they would probably share another cigarette before going inside to eat. And they would talk. Or sometimes just sit in silence. But this silence was nearly deafening and she knew that Shawn felt it, too.

The small talk they made over dinner amounted to little more than polite conversation, mostly for Ruth’s benefit. Susan was not surprised when Shawn rose a short time later and carried her plate to the sink.

"My turn to do the dishes?"

Susan smiled and met Shawn’s teasing eyes. "No. My turn."

"Well, I gotta go. Judging by the cars up here, I may have to search for a camping spot."

"Come by tomorrow?"

Shawn hesitated.

"I think Ruth is leaving early. Maybe we could go on a hike?" Susan hinted.

"Yeah. That’d be nice. I’ll come by after lunch." Shawn turned to Ruth, trying to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. "Good to see you again, Ruth."

"Oh, of course, Shawn. It was . . . good to see you, too."

Susan and Shawn exchanged amused glances, then Susan walked over and gave Shawn a quick hug.

"Thank you for staying," she whispered.

"Your debt is piling up," Shawn teased.

Susan stood at the front door and watched until Shawn and Alex rounded the corner, out of sight. She was aware of the emptiness she felt as she turned back to Ruth.

"I can’t imagine why you’re friends with that woman."

"Why not? I enjoy being with Shawn."

"Oh Susan, I don’t even know how to tell you this," Ruth stated dramatically, fingers lightly touching her chest.

"Tell me what?" Susan poured herself a glass of wine and sat down opposite Ruth.

"Well, I don’t want to alarm you, what with you staying up here alone and all," Ruth began.

"Ruth, for God’s sake, what are you talking about?"

"Shawn . . . I think she’s . . . one of those women," Ruth finally hissed.

"Those women?"

"You know." Ruth leaned across the table and whispered, "Homosexual."

Susan laughed, then quickly covered her mouth at Ruth’s shocked expression. "I know she’s a lesbian, Ruth. We’ve talked about it."

Ruth gasped. "You’ve talked about it?"

"Of course. We’re friends. We talk."

"Friends? What can you possibly have in common with that . . . that woman?"

"I don’t know," Susan said honestly. "We just clicked. I can tell her things that I wouldn’t dare tell another soul." Susan paused for only a second before continuing. "Shawn doesn’t judge me and I don’t have to pretend with her."

"Pretend? What does that mean?"

"That means I can be myself with her. My true self," she added, tapping her own chest.

"And you’re not yourself around your family?" Ruth asked haughtily. "I hardly think you would find it easier to talk to her, a complete stranger, than you would Mother or me."

Susan smiled, knowing Ruth was being completely sincere. Because of that, she didn’t want to hurt her feelings. "Ruth, maybe you and Mother are just too close, you know. Shawn has no idea what I was like twenty, ten, even five years ago. She only knows me now. So if I tell her my feelings, what I’m thinking, she’s not shocked, because she doesn’t know any different."

"How can she possibly give you advice? She’s from another world."

"Oh, Ruth. Don’t you see? She doesn’t give me advice. She just listens."

They stared at each other for a long moment, then Ruth finally looked away.

"Well, you need to be careful with her," Ruth said, her dislike of Shawn more pronounced than ever.

"Careful? What do you mean?"

Ruth gripped her wineglass in both hands before continuing. "Well, you’re up here all alone, emotionally vulnerable because of your marriage problems. Don’t think she hasn’t thought about it," Ruth finished in a rush.

"Thought about what?" Susan was afraid of where this conversation was going. Surely Ruth wasn’t suggesting Shawn was interested in her?

"About seducing you. You would be easy prey. Women like her are like that, Susan."

"For God’s sake, Ruth! We’re friends. I like her a lot. I don’t know how I would have survived this long if not for her. The fact that she’s a lesbian has not entered into our relationship." Susan stood quickly, pushing her chair back against the counter. "You simply amaze me," she said quietly.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Shawn paced around the tent, hating the fact that she was even pacing at all. She glanced at her watch again and stopped. Not yet eleven. Maybe she would just drive by. Maybe Ruth had left already.

She looked at Alex and frowned. What had she done with her time before she met Susan? And why couldn’t she seem to find that same peace as before?

Because she had come to care about Susan, she realized. And she worried about her. And, well, she just enjoyed being around her. Even if it meant enduring Ruth for an evening, Shawn would rather be there with Susan than sitting by her campfire alone. It wasn’t any sort of attraction, she told herself. She simply enjoyed Susan’s company more than anyone else’s. Including her own, apparently.

"Oh, the hell with it," she muttered. "Come on, Alex."

She drove slowly, taking the time to admire the scenery. The Giant Sequoias down in Grant Grove were visible from here, but most of the trees around Susan’s cabin were cedars, mixed with spruce and fir. If Ruth’s car was still there, she could always drive to the Grove and walk the trail around the giant trees. But she breathed a big sigh of relief when she saw only Susan’s car at the cabin.

Susan had the door opened before Shawn could knock. They stood staring, smiles lighting their faces.

"You’re early," Susan accused.

"Do you mind?"

"Of course not! I’ve been waiting. Ruth left before ten."

Shawn laughed. "Let me guess. You got up at the crack of dawn and started breakfast?"

"Ruth is impossible." Susan wanted to tell Shawn about Ruth’s fears, but she was afraid Shawn would think Susan was the one with the fears.

"What happened? Did she want to drag you back down to David?"

"That, too." Susan spread her hands and smiled. "She warned me about you."

"Warned you?"

Their eyes met and Susan nodded slowly.

"That I might be . . . dangerous?"

"Something like that."

Shawn stared silently at her for a moment, both eyebrows raised. "Do you think I’m dangerous?"

Susan was surprised to see a hint of doubt in Shawn’s eyes.

"You’re not seriously asking me that question, Shawn Weber."

Shawn simply dipped her head to one side. "Do you?"

Susan knew Shawn was teasing with her, so she couldn’t resist teasing back. She raised one eyebrow seductively and asked, "Are you dangerous, Shawn?"

Shawn grinned. "I’m extremely dangerous," she whispered, then wiggled her eyebrows at Susan and grinned, both finally breaking into a fit of laughter.

"But seriously," Shawn continued. "Susan, I would never . . .."

"I know, Shawn. That’s just Ruth talking. She doesn’t understand our friendship." Susan walked to Shawn and gripped both her forearms hard. "I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t met you. You’ve been a life-saver."

Shawn didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing.

Susan let her hands slip slowly from Shawn. "I often wonder what you’re getting out of all this."

"Company. Friendship." Shawn looked away, her voice quiet. "I don’t have a lot of friends."

"You don’t ever let anyone get close enough, do you?"

Shawn shrugged. "It’s safer that way."

Susan grinned, trying to lighten the mood. "You’re so attractive, Shawn. Surely you’ve got women groveling over you," she teased.

Shawn turned away, embarrassed. She was actually blushing.

"Those women aren’t exactly what I’d call friends," Shawn finally conceded.

Susan stopped her teasing and reached out again for Shawn’s arm. "You’re a wonderful person, Shawn. Thank you for letting me get close."

Their eyes locked.

Shawn cleared her throat. "Now. What about that hike?"

Susan smiled at Shawn’s quick change of subject, but let it go.

"I made lunch. Sandwiches for the three of us, some fruit and granola." Susan moved to the refrigerator and peered inside. "I’ve got juice," she offered.

"Three?"

"Well . . . Alex." Susan turned her back on Shawn and ignored her protest that Alex did not need a sandwich for lunch.

After much arguing over how far Susan could hike, they settled on the Fire Lookout Trail. It was heavily wooded and steep at the beginning, but leveled out quickly and they enjoyed the views as they rounded the mountain, making their way to the old lookout tower.

"You’re going too fast," Susan complained.

"Too fast? You’re stopping to take pictures every five minutes. How fast is that?"

"Are we racing?"

"We’re exercising."

"You’re trying to kill me."

Shawn stopped, her laughter echoing through the forest. She turned to Susan, hands on her hips, and grinned. "You’re doing great. You hardly broke a sweat."

"Don’t start with me," Susan warned. "I won’t be able to get out of bed tomorrow."

"It’s an easy hike."

"I’m old," she complained.

"You’re not old. You’re just . . . out of shape," Shawn said as gently as possible.

"What are you saying?"

Shawn spread her hands, eyebrows raised.

"Are you saying that my once a week tennis match was not enough?"

"Followed by a martini or two?"

Susan groaned. "All right. You win."

Shawn laughed and playfully ruffled Susan’s hair. "You’re really not that out of shape."

"Look at you, you’re not even winded."

"I do this every weekend. I also jog in the evenings." Shawn fished the tennis ball out of her pack and threw it to Alex, who had been waiting patiently between them.

"I hate you," Susan muttered.

"Now, Susan, is that any way to talk to company?" Shawn teased, trying her best to mimic Ruth.

"You are so bad!" But she shoved away from the tree she had been resting against and started up the trail again. "Are you going to carry me down if I pass out?"

"Of course," Shawn said easily and fell into step beside Susan. "I’ll throw you over my shoulder."

Once they reached the fire tower, they leaned against the legs of the old structure, enjoying the endless views of the distant mountain and valley below them.

"I put mustard and mayo on both," Susan explained. "Except on Alex’s. He got mayo only."

Shawn stared at her. "I can’t believe you made him a sandwich."

"He’s got to eat, too." Susan bit into her sandwich and moaned with delight. "I’m starving."

"Dogs don’t require three meals a day, you know." Shawn bit into her own sandwich, enjoying the crunch of the lettuce and sprouts. "Delicious," she murmured.

Shawn watched as Susan carefully unwrapped Alex’s sandwich and tore it in half. He waited patiently beside her, his eyes never leaving Susan and she handed him one half. He swallowed it in one bite.

"See? He’s practically starving to death."

"He’s a pig."

"You don’t feed him enough."

Shawn sighed. She would never win this argument with Susan. Alex managed two bites with the other half of his sandwich, then he proceeded to beg Susan for the rest of hers.

"He’s simply adorable, you know that," Susan said, and she tore off a corner of her bread.

"You’ve spoiled him rotten, Susan. I can’t control him during the week," Shawn complained.

"Oh, please." Susan turned and their eyes met. Then Susan grinned. "Humor me. I never had a dog. I’m making up for lost time."

"Never?"

Susan shook her head. "Mother had a poodle, but he died when I was still a kid. We never got another one."

"You didn’t have a pet for Lisa?"

"Dave always said it would be too much trouble to have a dog," Susan said quietly. "Of course, Lisa begged for one anyway. She got a hamster instead."

"Well, they’re practically the same thing," Shawn murmured.

They both laughed.

Shawn turned when she found Susan staring at her.

"You’re so good for me, Shawn. I can’t imagine what I would have done this summer if I hadn’t met you."

Shawn turned away, embarrassed. She should be thanking Susan. Instead of spending lonely weekends after equally lonely weeks, Shawn now had something to look forward to. Susan’s company.

Susan watched Shawn, again thinking how attractive she was. Why was she spending her weekends up here with her, anyway?

"Shawn, why aren’t you seeing someone?"

Shawn stopped chewing and stared at Susan. "Where did that come from?"

Susan shrugged, but didn’t let it go. "Why not?"

"I go out occasionally," Shawn admitted. "In fact, I’m going to San Francisco next weekend."

"You are? Like on a date?"

Shawn raised her eyebrows mischievously. "I might get lucky."

Susan laughed. "Well, I hope you’ll share details. It’s been awhile for me, you know."

On the way back down the trail, Susan tried to understand her sudden depression. It was jealously, she knew. She had gotten used to Shawn being around. She had gotten used to Shawn always being here for her. Knowing that she wouldn’t see her next weekend, knowing that Shawn was going to see some woman in San Francisco instead, would make for a very long week. She realized she didn’t want to share Shawn with anyone else.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Shawn was helping Allison with payroll on Wednesday when Terri stuck her head in the office.

"There’s a call for you, Shawn. Line two."

At Shawn’s blank look, Terri shook her head. "Yes, you. Just someone asking if you work here."

Shawn nodded. No one ever called her here. Maybe Susan?

"Shawn Weber, how can I help you?"

"Shawn, it’s Lisa. Lisa Sterling."

"Lisa? What’s wrong?" she asked immediately.

"Nothing. I . . . I was wondering if maybe we could get together. Have dinner or something?"

Shawn paused, her mind racing. "Is everything okay? Susan?"

"Everything’s fine. I just . . . need to talk," Lisa said quietly.

"Of course," Shawn said, a bit relieved. "Why don’t you come to my house? We’ll order pizza and talk in private," Shawn offered.

"You sure you don’t mind?"

"Of course not."

Shawn hung up after giving Lisa directions to her house. She was lost in thought when Allison finally tapped her on the shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

"Hmm?" At Allison’s concerned look, Shawn shook her head. "A friend. It’s fine."

But Shawn spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about Lisa and what she most likely wanted to talk about. She had a moment of panic and considered calling Susan. But what would she say? I think your daughter is gay and is about to out herself to me? Susan had enough on her mind without Shawn adding to it. No, she would just have to handle this by herself.

She left work an hour early. Her house was a mess, for one thing, but she wanted to get in her afternoon run and Alex got very cranky if they missed. She picked up the newspapers on her way through the living room, then let Alex inside. He immediately jumped on her and pressed his wet nose to her face.

"Missed you, too." She hugged him, then went about their normal routine of Alex begging for a bone and Shawn insisting that he was fat enough, only to finally give in. "Spoiled rotten," she murmured. "But we won’t tell Susan about this."

She lived only a few blocks from the hike and bike trail and Alex waited patiently as she tied her shoes and searched for his leash. They walked quickly down the sidewalk, Shawn waving at familiar faces. She didn’t know many of their names, but after two years, most of her neighbors were used to seeing the woman and dog make this trip to the park.

But the normal peace she found while jogging eluded her today. She was concerned about Lisa, she was afraid she might tell Lisa the wrong thing, give the wrong advice. And Susan was surely going to blame Shawn for whatever happened. One part of her said that Susan had every right to be told what was going on, but the other part of her knew how very hard this must be for Lisa and that Lisa needed to be the one to decide when to talk to her mother.

Shawn had just opened a beer when the doorbell rang. She walked to the door in bare feet, her hair still damp from her shower. Lisa stood there, her hands locked together tightly. She gave Shawn a nervous smile, but said nothing.

Shawn’s heart went out to the young woman and she smiled reassuringly.

"Good to see you again, Lisa. Come on in."

"Thanks for letting me come over. I know it was short notice."

"I rarely have plans in the evenings. This is a nice break." Shawn held up the beer. "Want one?"

"Could I, please?"

"Of course. Let’s go on the patio. I could use a cigarette."

Lisa sighed. "Me, too."

After a few minutes of small talk, mostly Lisa inquiring about Susan, Shawn finally broke the ice.

"Are you going to tell me or should I just guess why you’re here?"

Lisa covered her face with both hands. "I didn’t know who else to talk to about this," she murmured behind her hands.

Shawn waited until Lisa finally uncovered her face. "I’m a good listener," Shawn offered. "And it always helps to say things out loud."

"You already know, don’t you?" Lisa whispered.

Shawn nodded.

"How did you know? I wasn’t even sure myself."

"Why don’t you tell me about it?"

"I met her in a study group," Lisa began. "Everyone knows she’s gay, she never tried to hide it. She’s very popular, bright and everybody wants to study with her. Nobody’s got a problem with her, you know? We’re all friends. But she started asking me to do stuff without the group. Movies, pizza, stuff like that."

Shawn nodded, but said nothing.

"I liked her, I enjoyed being around her and we never talked about her being a . . . a lesbian." Lisa stood and walked to the edge of the lawn, her back to Shawn. "But I started getting these feelings whenever I was around her. And all I wanted to do was be around her."

Lisa sat down again and rested her elbows on her thighs. "This past Saturday, we rented some movies and stayed at her apartment." Lisa visibly swallowed before continuing. "We were lying on the floor and I couldn’t even concentrate on the movie. I was just so aware of her," she said quietly. "It wasn’t until that moment that I realized what I was feeling was sexual attraction. And it wasn’t until that night that I found out she was feeling it, too."

"She told you?"

"She kissed me."

Shawn smiled and raised her eyebrow.

"Yes. And I thought I was going to faint. I’ve never felt the butterflies in the stomach and all that crap before."

Shawn laughed and stood. "I know the feeling. What kind of pizza do you want? I’ll call it in."

"Anything . . . but I’m not crazy about peppers."

Shawn came back outside with another beer for them and a bone for Alex. She watched Lisa, noting how relaxed she seemed now, compared to when Shawn had found her at the front door.

"So, you didn’t sleep with her?" Shawn asked hesitantly.

Lisa blushed. "No! Are you kidding? I was scared shitless."

"Did you talk about it with her or did you just run?"

Lisa blushed again. "I ran."

"Lisa . . .."

"But I saw her Sunday. We talked some, but this is just so . . .."

"New?"

"Shawn, I’m a virgin," Lisa said quietly. "I don’t have a clue what to do with a guy, much less a girl."

Shawn laughed, then abruptly stopped at Lisa’s embarrassed face. "I wasn’t laughing at you, Lisa. I was thinking back to my own first time."

"How old were you?"

"Sixteen."

"Sixteen? With a girl?"

Shawn nodded. "She was older than me, had been around the block a few times, you know? I didn’t know what to do, I only knew I wanted to do it. And with her."

"What was it like?"

Shawn smiled, remembering. "Awkward at first. But it was a long night. And I learned quickly."

They were quiet for a moment, then Lisa said quietly, "I was with her last night. But we didn’t . . . you know. I mean . . . we kissed. And touched, but . . .."

Shawn reached out and squeezed Lisa’s arm. "You don’t have to tell me, Lisa."

"But it’s harder and harder to stop."

Shawn nodded. "I know. And when it does happen, it will be the most wonderful feeling you’ll ever have."

"You won’t tell my mother, will you?"

"No," Shawn reassured her. "That’s your decision."

"She would never understand."

"Don’t underestimate your mother. She loves you dearly, Lisa. She would never turn her back on you, no matter what." Shawn hoped Lisa believed her. She hadn’t known Susan long, but she knew her well enough to know she would never turn Lisa away.

"I guess I just don’t want to hurt her. She’s got her own problems. She doesn’t need to worry about me."

"Don’t let it go for long," Shawn urged. "You can talk to me and I’ll be there for you, Lisa. But it’s not the same as your mother."

"Now I know why she likes you so much," Lisa said.

Over pizza, Shawn listened as Lisa told her about Sheri. She let Lisa ramble on, her own mind on Susan. Lisa was right. Susan had enough going on in her life right now without Lisa dropping this bomb. It probably wouldn’t hurt to keep it from Susan for awhile.

"Shawn?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you going to be at the cabin this weekend?"

Shawn shook her head. "I’m going to San Francisco."

"Oh."

"Are you?"

Lisa nodded. "I already told Mom that I was coming, but I want to spend time with Sheri, too."

Shawn shrugged. "Take her with you."

"Oh, I don’t know, Shawn. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that."

Shawn smiled reassuringly. "It’ll be fine. And Susan will have met her. It’ll make it easier later on, Lisa."

"I wish you were going to be there."

Me, too, Shawn thought.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Susan tried not to be annoyed as Ruth and Mother settled into chairs on the deck. Having unexpected company was beginning to get old. And she had so been looking forward to spending time with Lisa. Uninterrupted time, where they could talk freely. But this way, they would at least be able to share a bedroom. They could talk then.

"I haven’t seen Lisa in ages. Does she even bother to see her father?" Ruth’s voice dripped with sarcasm and Susan had to bite her tongue.

"She’s been busy with college." Then Susan added, equally as sarcastic, "And I haven’t asked if she’s seen Dave."

"Where’s your woods woman?"

Susan turned to her mother and frowned. "Who?"

"I think she means your . . . woman friend," Ruth supplied.

"Shawn? She’s not a woods woman, Mother. She camps."

"Whatever," she said, lifting her glass of scotch. "It’s just that Ruth said she’s here most weekends mooching off you. Does she even have a job, Susan?"

Susan forced a smile to her lips and glanced briefly at Ruth. "She’s in San Francisco this weekend," Susan said, ignoring her question. Susan didn’t feel the need to explain further and she wondered just what Ruth had told their mother.

"San Francisco? How appropriate," Ruth said.

"What’s that supposed to mean?" Susan demanded.

"Ruth thinks she’s a homosexual," Mother replied before sipping from her drink.

Susan squared her shoulders. "Well, Ruth is right. She is. She’s also a friend of mine and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t . . . gossip about her."

"Susan? Do you think that’s wise?" her mother asked. "I mean, to be around her?"

"Oh, good Lord, not you too?" Susan stood quickly and spread her arms. "She’s my friend. That’s all. And I’m not going to stop seeing her just because she's a lesbian!" Susan’s voice hardened with each word and she was practically shouting at them. "I like her. I’m sorry if you don’t understand that."

They both stared at her as if she was a stranger and she shoved both hands through her hair in frustration. It was a thankful sigh that she uttered when she heard the car drive up. Lisa. Thank God.

But Susan stopped in her tracks when she rounded the corner of the cabin. Lisa stood by her car, talking quietly to someone. A girl. A tall, slender girl with hair so short she wouldn’t need a brush. Earrings lined one ear, the other was bare. When both girls turned to look at her, Susan smiled warmly and made her feet move.

"Lisa!"

"Hi, Mom."

They embraced quickly, then Susan stood back and smiled at Lisa’s friend.

"I’m Susan."

"I’m Sheri."

"Mom, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been telling Sheri about the cabin and I wanted her to see it. She’s a friend from school," Lisa explained.

"Of course not, Lisa. Your friends are always welcome." Then she lowered her voice. "If they can tolerate Ruth and Grandma."

"I was just explaining that," Lisa said. "Why are they here?"

"Well, as usual, they came uninvited and unannounced," Susan explained.

"Is there enough room for everyone? Sleeping, I mean," Lisa explained.

"I’ll take the sofa," Susan offered. "You two can have my bedroom. I’m sure you’ll be up half the night talking anyway."

Susan tried to look away, but she didn’t miss the glance shared by the two girls. Her heart raced. There was intimacy in that glance, she would swear. She felt her face flush. Could it be possible? Lisa?

They made their way to the deck and Susan flicked her eyes warily towards Sheri. She would not stereotype, she told herself firmly. Then she felt her shoulders sag. If only Shawn were here. She would know.

"Mom?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why are Aunt Ruth and Grandma here again?"

"Who knows?" Susan whispered as they rounded the corner of the deck.

Susan avoided Ruth’s eyes as she introduced Lisa’s friend to them. She knew exactly what Ruth was thinking. Hell, she was thinking it herself. She felt on the verge of hysterics and she headed immediately into the kitchen. She refused to think and she grabbed two Cokes for the girls and filled a glass of wine for herself.

"Coke okay?" she asked Lisa.

Lisa grinned at her mother. "I guess with Shawn not here, there’s no beer?"

Susan’s heart warmed at just the mention of Shawn’s name and she didn’t pause to wonder why. She simply shook her head. "Nobeer. Sorry. I keep meaning to pick some up, though."

"I don’t believe you’re of age, Lisa dear."

"In the company of my mother, I don’t think that matters." Lisa turned to Susan. "Unless, of course, my mother objects."

"Well, I assure you, at your age, my children would never have dared touch alcohol in front of me," Ruth continued.

Lisa grinned. "Mom’s hardly you. And I’m certainly not one of your kids, thank God."

Susan heard Ruth’s slight gasp, but ignored it. Ruth had it coming. After all these years, you would think Ruth would have learned not to bait Lisa. Lisa had never been afraid to speak her mind.

"How’s your father?"

Lisa turned to her grandmother and shrugged. "I suppose fine. We don’t really have a lot to talk about right now."

"He’s still your father," Ruth’s voice joined in.

"He still hurt my mother," Lisa shot back.

Susan finally stepped between them, hands raised. "Please? Can’t we drop this?"

"I’m sorry," Lisa said quietly.

"I’m really sick and tired of talking about my failed marriage," Susan said to everyone in general. "We have a guest tonight." She turned to Sheri and offered an apologetic smile. "Let’s don’t bore her with all that."

"Really," Lisa agreed. "She’s heard enough horror stories."

"Lisa!"

"Oh, Grandma, I’m just teasing."

Susan sighed, wondering when things had become so complicated. She longed for the early days of summer, when it would just be her and Shawn, quietly talking, sharing things about their lives. Shawn. Susan longed for her to be here now. She would make some teasing comment that was meant for Susan’s ears only, and Susan would smile at her, silently thanking her for relieving some of the tension. But Shawn was in San Francisco, seeing some woman. Susan had a brief mental image of Shawn locked in a passionate embrace with a woman, but she pushed it away, not liking the jealousy she felt. Instead, she focused on Lisa. Suddenly her mental image shifted to Lisa and Sheri and she knew, deep down she knew that what she was thinking was true.

Lisa had never dated, never had a boyfriend. It was something Susan could never understand. Lisa was an attractive girl, she always had been. And it wasn’t as if boys hadn’t called. Lisa had just been more interested in her schoolwork than in them. But now as Susan watched Lisa with Sheri, her heart tightened. There was an intimacy between them that went beyond friendship and Susan suddenly wasn’t sure she could handle it.

"We’re going to go on a walk, Mom. Okay?"

"Of course. Show Sheri around," Susan encouraged, hoping her voice sounded normal. To her own ears, it was frantic.

Susan watched as they headed into the forest behind the cabin, then she turned, finding Ruth and her mother looking as well.

"Who in the world is that?" Ruth whispered. "Have you ever seen hair that short on a girl?"

"All those earrings," Grandma added. "And all in one ear!"

"Please stop." Susan’s voice was quiet and calm, and both women turned to look at her. "She is Lisa’s friend. I won’t have you talking about her behind her back."

"Oh, Susan, really. Surely she’s not the type of friends you want for Lisa?"

"Ruth, unlike you, I allow Lisa to live her own life. That includes choosing her own friends."

"Well, I assure you, my children wouldn’t dare bring home that . . . that girl," Ruth hissed. "They were raised better than that."

Susan’s eyes flashed red. "How dare you?"

"Girls . . ."

"No, Mother, stay out of this." Susan bent close to Ruth. "You don’t run my life and you certainly don’t run my daughter’s life. If you don’t approve of us, perhaps you shouldn’t come up here." Susan stood and raised her hands to the sky. "I hate to think that you’re being exposed to all this corruption!"

Ruth’s smile was so patronizing, that Susan wanted to slap it right off her face.

"Susan, I certainly didn’t mean to offend you with anything I said. You’re my only sister, it’s only natural that I be concerned for you and your family."

Susan opened her mouth, a stinging retort on her lips, but their mother intervened, placing one hand on Susan’s arm, the other held in front of Ruth’s face.

"Enough! We are a family. I’ll not have you fighting as if you can hardly stand each other."

Then she turned sympathetic eyes to Susan, and Susan let her shoulders sag in defeat. She was once again twelve. Their mother had always taken Ruth’s side. This was to be no different.

"Susan, dear, I think Ruth is simply concerned about Lisa, as she should be. Her parents suddenly separate after being happily married for nearly twenty years. Then you move up here alone, only to become friends with this . . . this Shawn person. Maybe we’re afraid you’re setting the wrong example for Lisa." She pointed to the forest for effect, before continuing. "This girl is trouble, Susan, mark my words. There are plenty of girls Lisa’s age that come from families in the neighborhood, yet she’s never made the effort with them and I always wondered why you didn’t insist she take a more active role in the events of the Country Club. Now look what you get. Why, she’s practically a street person, much like Shawn."

Susan sighed heavily, her head shaking as she looked first at her mother, then her sister. How were they all from the same family?

"Mother, she’s a college student, she’s not a street person," Susan said wearily. "Lisa’s in college. Her friends are going to be college students," she said dryly. "Now, I’m going to go inside to make burgers. When I come back out, I don’t want to hear another word about this."

She knew they stared after her as if she were a complete stranger to them, but she squared her shoulders. This was her home. Lisa was her daughter. And she was so tired of having to justify everything she did to them, as if she were still a child. Well, no more. She was tired of people telling her what to do. If they didn’t like her decisions, tough! She had no one to answer to but herself.