A New Goal in Life
The doctor examined Jimmy as Roxie paced in the waiting room. She tried to strong arm the doctor into letting her stay but the older woman knew that Roxie's bark was much worse then her bite. She told her to be a good girl and wait. Roxie tried to argue that she wanted to be with him but finally accepted that it would be better for both her and Jimmy in long run if she gave Jimmy his privacy.
She called the motel and had gotten a very sleepy Candy. She smiled as she heard her love wake up instantly when she heard Roxie's news.
"We'll be there in 5 minutes."
"I'll be waiting, Love. Hurry."
"We will," said the breathless voice in reply.
If Roxie knew her Little One, she would be there any second. Sure enough, minutes later two women in sweats came running into the waiting room.
"Any word?" Asked Candy anxiously.
Roxie looked at her beloved in sweats that appeared to be at least 6 sizes to big and tried to keep herself from laughing. It was the first time she felt like smiling really since all this happened, let alone laugh. Candy stood there with an annoyed expression wearing a huge sweatshirt with folded over sleeves hanging over her hands, which were on her hips.
"Is...is that...mine...?" She finally couldn't hold it back and laughed her head off at how silly her Little One looked.
Candy answered with a pleased smile, "Yes, It is. I was in a hurry." Candy felt like laughing too it was the first time she heard her love laugh since Jimmy fell down at the cabin. She knew it was a small respite she was happy that she was able to give Roxie even that.
"You look so adorable. Like a tiny kid trying to wear an adult's clothes." Said the tall woman holding her side and leaning on a chair still chuckling.
Kate was standing behind them. She was dressed the same way as Candy but her sweats fit. She walked up to the girls and put an arm around each shoulder saying quietly, "Ok, my children. Enough."
Roxie looked into her Mother's amused eyes and said, "Sorry, she did look awfully cute though, didn't she?"
"Yes Sweetheart, she did."
"Ok, um...I was...I was just talking to him about...well stuff. I was crying and I lowered my eyes so I could wipe them. When I looked up I saw his hand move. Wave really. I mean it was the only part of him that did but...I hope...."
Suddenly the tall doctor appeared before them with a professional smile on her face. "Oh good your all here. Well there is some good news this time. He is reacting to the stimulus but he is still not conscious....Roxie don't look like that, this is good..."
"But I thought..."
"Your right he is better. We just have a long way to go before he is recovered..."
"No Doc, he moved. I saw him he responded and moved. He can't still be in a coma," said Roxie stubbornly.
"Yes, he did move and it was voluntary but he is not functioning as if he was fully awake yet. Please calm down Roxie, let me explain what we need to do next..."
Roxie bowed her head heart broken and burst into tears. Candy pulled her close hugging her tight stroking her back trying to soothe the upset woman. Roxie hugged her back tucking her head into the crook of her loves warm neck looking for any comfort she could find from her beloved.
The doctor looked at the women sympathetically and said, "The next step is to get him moving. You will not only talk to him but get his circulation going as well. Moving his arms and legs in rhythmic patterns I will give you. This is rather...um; well a different procedure but I have had several successes with it. He has a very good musculature so it should work...I..."
Roxie's eyes slowly lifted up to look at the woman speaking, she said quietly, "Doc, I do trust you. I'm sorry I broke down. It's just that...well, when I saw that movement I...I hoped..."
"He was recovered. That he would open his eyes and speak to you?"
Roxie nodded her head.
"Have faith Roxie, he may still do just that. We will just have to wait and see."
"I'm not great at waiting, Doc..."
Kate hugged her daughter and said quietly, "Honey, the doctor is right we have to have faith..."
Roxie looked over her mother shoulder into compassionate green eyes. She saw faith and love in those beloved eyes and it made her realize that she had to try to do her best. "Ok, Mom I'll try." She whispered back. Candy reached up and caressed Roxie's cheek and Roxie leaned into it and nodded.
*** *** *** ***
Roxie was finally convinced to go to the motel and get some sleep. Candy went with her, Kate knew that her upset child needed her soulmate at this crucial time. Kate was sitting with Tommy watching the nurse start the new therapy with confusion. The strong male nurse was lifting her son's leg up and down while counting out loud. She wasn't sure how this would bring her baby back to her but she had faith in the doctor so she just kept praying that her son would respond.
Roxie was lying on her back in bed at the motel. She wasn't able to relax enough to sleep. Candy said she wanted to go pick something up from the drug store. So she was all alone staring at the ceiling and counting the tiny holes in it. She wanted her brother back now. She was sick of waiting for it. She just wanted the doctor to give him a shot and he'd wake up. That is so stupid Rox! You know damn well it doesn't work like that. She thought to herself and groaned. She grabbed Candy's pillow and buried her face in it. The scent of her loves hair eased a bit of her pain. Where is she? I'd rather have her here, then some treat. She thought as she crushed the pillow to her face.
Candy had gone to the drug store to pick up her love's favorite treat she was hoping it would cheer up her up. She let herself into their room and from the light shining through the slats of the blinds she could see that Roxie was not asleep. She had a pillow crushed tightly in her arms and she was staring at the ceiling.
"Hi Sweetheart, Still can't sleep?"
Roxie turned till she was facing the small woman. She tried to smile but couldn't quite make herself, "No, I...I can't seem to..." she burst into tears crying into the pillow unable to control the grief.
Candy put her package on the dresser by the door and then ran to her love. She kicked off her sneakers and crawled into the bed pulling Roxie to her.
"Shh, it's going to be all right. He is getting better."
Red rimmed blue eyes looked into beloved green and she replied very quietly, "You mean when and if, My Love. There is no guarantee he will get better and...even...even if he recovers from this...he's still dying..." she pulled Candy closer holding onto her tight. "I am so scared, Candy. I have never been this scared my whole life."
"I know," replied Candy quietly. She gently kissed the tears trying to pour all the love she felt into the miserable woman in her arms. She wanted to let her know that she loved her.
Every kiss, every touch and caress was healing to the aching woman. Roxie just sunk into the loving attention. Allowing the beautiful woman to take care of her.
Candy held the tall woman close and kept kissing her. She whispered, "I love you. Everything will be ok. You can't loose faith, My Love. You have to just keep believing. Your love brought that movement and now your faith will bring him all the way back to us."
Roxie pulled back slightly and looked deeply into the green eyes as she asked, "You really believe that don't you?"
Roxie shook her head and said softly, "How did I ever get so lucky as to have you enter my life. You are the light of my existence," Suddenly Roxie was enflamed with an overwhelming need to love the woman in her arms. She had to show Candy how much she loved her.
She kissed her passionately and her hands deftly removed the sweats that the small woman was wearing. She quickly removed her own. She pulled back in need of air but it was just for an instant. She had an intense desire to touch and taste every inch of the woman she loved. As she kissed her way to the tantalizing breasts her arms stroked the warm back. Candy was simply responding to every loving touch the tall woman made. A warm mouth was suckling her breasts as soft hands were caressing her derriere. She knew that this sudden need was all a part of Roxie's grief. Roxie had needed her several times likes this since Jimmy had gone into the hospital. The intensity this time was surprising though. Roxie was always gentle and loving in her movement during these times of passion but they were different from times past. As much as Roxie needed her it was almost like she wasn't there. Roxie always came back to her though, so she loved her back with kisses and soft touches waiting till her love did come back to her in full.
Roxie was now at her loves apex. She was lovingly kissing around and above it. Slowly she lapped up her loves juises as if it was a great gift. Making her way inside she added one then two fingers making a rhythm that she knew would bring results till Candy stiffened and cried out her name. As soon as Candy fell over Roxie gently pulled out and kissed her way back up her loves body. Once beside her she pulled her into her arms and held her close. She softly kissed her face and neck till the smaller woman recovered.
When Candy felt the loving arms holding her and the gentle kisses on her face and neck she knew that it was her Roxie again. She held her close and kissed her back. She ran her fingers through the tangled dark hair and murmured, "I love you."
"I love you too...Candy are you ok? Did I...um, hurt you at all?" Roxie asked in a strained voice.
"I'm fine. You were very gentle..."
"Why do I keep doing this? I seem to step away from myself and I can't control my body. I just...I need to love you so much...I..."
"Shhh, stop." Candy put her hand over Roxie's mouth. Roxie looked like she was about to burst into tears again. "Stop beating yourself up. You needed me and I do understand. Its part of what's happening. You need me. You love me. " Roxie was about to interrupt. Green eyes threatened blue and Roxie remained silent. "I know you love me. I do understand why you needed to make love to me like that and...Oh Rox please stop looking like your going to cry. Your breaking my heart..."
"I am? I...Oh...I'm so sorry...shit, I..."
"Rox, stop. I love you. I'm not blaming you. I really am fine. Now please stop this guilt before you make yourself sick..."
"But I love you so much. I don't want you to ever feel like I make love to you for any other reason then that..."
"I don't. I know that you make love to me because you love me. Your control is a bit off because of grief but I understand why you want me and why..."
"My control? Oh you mean...Yes, I do understand that." Roxie lay back on her own pillow and shook her head. "Candy, I am so messed up. Maybe you should go home..."
"NO!" Candy cried as she pulled the tall woman back into her arms. She hugged her tight and said passionately, "I will not leave you when you need me most. In case you haven't figured it out yet I need you as much as you need me."
Nestled safely against her loves soft shoulder Roxie said very softly, "Yes, I do know that." She pulled back and looked into the upset green eyes. She nodded and said, "I don't want you to go. I was thinking of you. I just don't want you to ever think that I ever touch you for any reason other then love."
"I know that. I love you Rox. I trust you."
Roxie shook her head and smiled at the strong woman in her arms. "I love you too. More then I could ever express."
Candy kissed her love on the nose and asked, "How do you feel?"
"A bit better, not much though. Having you here means everything to me."
"Good, so no more talk of my leaving?"
Roxie held her hands in the Girl Scout salute, "I promise."
"Good, would you like something that might make you feel better?"
An elegant eyebrow lifted as Roxie looked into the twinkling green eyes. "What are you up to?"
"Would you like to see?"
"Sure," Roxie said with a tiny smile.
With a happy squeak Candy jumped from the bed naked causing the tall woman's smile to broaden. She brought back the bag and climbed back up onto the bed. "Here open it."
Roxie opened the bag and her smile became blinding. "A whole bag full of Butterfingers. I can't believe you even thought...You are so..." she choked up then she cleared her throat about three times before she could ask, "Would you like to share one with me, Love?"
"Yes, I'd love to."
Sitting cross-legged on the bed the two woman split a bar in half. Then Candy took her piece bit into it and held the other half of her piece close to Roxie's mouth. Roxie put down her piece on the bag smiling and bit into the other side. They munched till they reached the other's lips and kissed each other almost forgetting about the candy still in their mouths.
*** *** *** ***
Roxie woke up first the next morning. She yawned and realized that she did feel better. More like herself thanks to beautiful woman lying on top of her. Candy had a way of calming her down faster then anyone else in her life. She glanced at the sleeping woman with a face of pure love. She kissed the top of the blonde head very glad she hadn't chased her Little One away with her behavior the night before.
Roxie had taken all the classes in psychology at school. She knew the stages of grief as well as anyone else. She knew it affected people deeply and that what she was going through was normal. She just hated that she was putting her brave sweet love through it. She sighed, pulling the smaller woman closer. She knew that she wouldn't be able to survive all this if she didn't have her Candy with her. She knew and she knew that Candy knew it too.
Candy knows it. So I think it's about time you just accept the fact that you need her, Old Girl, she thought to herself as she gently started to play with the blonde hair that was spread across her chest.
Green eyes fluttered opened and met blue. Roxie smiled down at the sleepy woman in her arms.
"Hi," Candy whispered back, "What time is it?"
"Lord Rox! We were up till 2 am. Don't you think we could get a little more then 4 hours sleep before we go back to the hospital?"
Roxie shrugged and kissed the crown of Candy's head, "You know I can't help it. It's my natural wake up time."
"Yes Sweetheart, but you do need to sleep. It's the best healer there is."
Roxie nodded. She lay her head back on a pillow but her eyes remained open. In a very quiet voice she said, "Candy?"
"Do you think Jimmy will wake up?"
Roxie pulled the smaller woman up till they were even. She looked deeply into the green eyes and asked, "You do, why?"
"Because he loves you and your mother so very much. I know he is feeling your love and your need. It's pulling him back to you. I guess I just also have faith."
Roxie tilted her head and asked completely unsure, "How do you do that?"
"What? Have faith."
Roxie nodded her head now nestled on Candy's shoulder her big blue eyes searching Candy's for the answer she needed.
"I don't know I just know what I believe in. I try to focus on that and hope it will happen. Um, do you remember the old movie "Miracle on 34th Street"?"
"Sure, I love that movie."
Candy smiled and nodded; "Yeah so do I. Do you remember how Natalie Wood wasn't sure if Chris was really Santa? What Maureen O'Hare told her about Faith."
Roxie nodded again and said quietly, "Yes, she said that "Faith is believing in something even when common sense told you not to"...Oh?" Roxie smiled sweetly and bent so she could kiss her love tenderly. Then she said softly just a breath apart, "Sneak. Did you know you're a big sneak?"
"Yep, Do you still love me, despite that flaw?"
"Actually I love you because of it. With all my heart and soul. Forever."
Roxie nodded and then she kissed her love tenderly again. The kiss deepened and when they made love this time it was pure.
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